"Take a look, at my face for the last time.
I never knew you, you never knew me.
Say hello, wave goodbye."

"the issue is Rick's alleged infidelity, with one or another member of his administration of undetermined gender"

I know, I know, it's only a rumor - and god knows I don't want this type - hateful Republican - on "our team" - but still, it is kinda fun thinking about this scum-governor squirming and wondering when the shit will hit the fan.

do the worm on accropolis
slamdance cosmopolis
enlighten the populace

It would take some sort of weird stretch to find some way to relate this song, these lyrics, to anything on my mind..... but what can I say? It's a cool song, and how can anyone not enjoy Allen Ginsberg's raspy voice?

In a seemingly unrelated note, I just accepted a deposit on my room share - so the painful search for a roommate is over - thank god. Sitting in my kitchen yesterday, it was fairly clear that he'd make a good roommate - nice guy, liked the place, personable, familiar with and loved the neighborhood. When discussing TV, internet, food-sharing, and the little things, he said about the cable TV being in my room - "ah, no big deal, I don't watch much TV - except...... I really must watch the Simpsons." Obviously, it was a sign.

While we don't always agree on stuff (the differences being minor, in the scheme of things, though) I think bentkid has the right idea today - breathe, relax, think of cute things (doesn't have to be puppies) - which is important to remind us WHY fighting bigotry and inequality is important - we all deserve the best in life - and then come back in a day or two and strategize how to get that fucker out of the White House.

Ok, now before we get all hysterical about the idea of a Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage, let's look at how difficult it is to get an amendment passed. You need like 2/3 of the states to ratify (oh wait, more than that have DOMA's now....) You need the house to pass it first, right? (oh wait, that's easy to do, majrity Rebulicans, and a bunch of fucked up Democrats). Still, there's the Senate, who take pride in seriously deliberating issues like this - all we need is 34 "no" votes, right? Ok - here we go. We got Teddy Kennedy, and, um....

ok, time to get hysterical.

I think George Payne looks fairly decent here, despite not having his trademark beard.

... and yes, I am selling the 25-year-old magazine - here.

You know what I hate? Besides Barbara Boxer, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Log Cabin Republicans, Nader-haters, stupid people who can't read apartment-share ads, my new glasses that my eyes haven't adjusted to yet, my ever-shrinking bank account, this insistent depression, my lack of any sexual contact for over 7 weeks...... blah blah blah.... What I really hate is the all-too-brief reprieve from all that and so much more that happened in the post office this morning.

I walk in, see the line isn't too long, and stand behind a man with huge - packages. Checking him out from behind, I am enjoying the view of loose-fitting jeans, the back of his head and scruffy black worn cap; I look up at the security mirror near the ceiling and catch a glimpse of his profile - strong face, light facial hair, cap pulled down enough to shadow his eyes from this angle. My eyes return to the man who's just pushed his huge packages up a few inches, the slight movement in the jeans making me smile, the strong back covered in some cottony-worn greenish jacket. But the shoes. Not horrible, but some sort of odd sandal - clearly those can be ignored, as I'm not much of a foot guy anyway. No, it wasn't the shoes that ruined that all-too-brief moment. He turns slightly, just enough to show his entire face, but too busy to notice me while he turns again downward to concentrate on some customs or insurance mail form. Damnit! I know him. Not only do I know him, but he's married, and I know his husband! GRRRRRRR. Why couldn't I have had just one more full 60 seconds of wonder, imagining, forgetting about everything else?

Ahhhhhhh - the problem with buying this stuff - so much winds up in the "MAYBE I'LL KEEP THIS ONE" pile, like 'Vampire's Kiss' (1970)

HANDsome

"Hello - Joe?"

directed by: Joe Gage (1981)

Starring: Roy Garrett, J.D. Slater, Ron Clayton, Bill Geary, Robert West, Rick Youngblood, Joe Gage, and others not credited.

I'm sure when I say I love this film, you won't be surprised. But combining the seductive Man Parrish soundtrack and "vocal montages" from Rick L. Pollack (you can even hear some of Roy Garrett's erotic poetry in one or two scenes) with Gage's direction - it's one of those films that you can just hang out at home, smoke a joint, have a couple cans of beer, and whack away for an hour. Hell, you can even just play the audio and get off - another unique part of this film - utilizing the late 70's/early 80's phenomenon of "hot talk tapes" that you could buy in the back of magazines to augment this jerk-off party celebration. (An yes, I'm 99% sure that's Gage himself smoking a cigarette at the onset of this scene.)

MMMMmmm - like my new roommate? I wish! And I know by typing this I jinx it, but the one who was here this afternoon was really cute - good thing he mentioned his boyfriend, and I liked him enough to want him for a roommate, so I didn't spoil it by drooling, or lunging for his crotch. Let's keep our fingers crossed, and our minds out of the gutter, for this one.

In other news, my arms, shoulders, back and neck are sooooooo sore, thanks to these two men - Rob and Barry - no, not what you think - they're both taken, and I'm celibate in 2004, remember? No, each of these guys emailed me in the last couple days telling me to check out this shop that had a special on vintage gay pornbooks and mags. I really didn't think I'd go, knowing I had no money (or room) to add to my coolection, and figuring re-selling is tough when buying retail in New York - but the clincher was when Rob mentioned that his bf got him the Colt Gallery magazine featuring one of my alltime faves - Bruno. Even knowing any "good stuff" like that would've been snatched up, I figured it was worth a look. Once I got there, at first glance it was a bit disappointing, until I started really digging in and found a few titles I've wanted to own, and a couple that I figured I could at least make my money back on eBay. I approached the desk, asked for prices, and then asked if I'd get a "deal" if I bought, say, more than 10. Next thing I know, I've got 14 books, and the guy's like "why don't you take the whole bunch of 'em?" - he tried doing some quick math, then started counting books, I hemmed and hawed, figuring what do I have in the bank, how do I get home??

Ever try carrying two boxes of paperbacks and magazines 2-1/2 blocks, then down a flight of stairs into the subway, then back up two subway flights back once back in your neighborhood, hail a cab, then walk up 4 flights to your overcrowded apartment? All I can say is I could really use a massage - and not one with 'release' at the end types - but a good, strong, pounding Russian (or Cuban - like Bruno) type to beat the pain out of me.

meeting joe gage

I've got like 7 million things I need to get done today, so this might be brief. A week or two ago, Joe Gage emailed me that he'd be in town, and we should do coffee. As I previously mentioned, we have only recently been corresponding, and that alone was a big thrill for me. So of course, I was terribly excited about meeting him. Tuesday he emailed again, to confirm and set up a time, and gave me his phone number. Immediately I'm practicing making the call. "Hello, Joe?" straight out of his 1981 film HANDsome is what popped into my head, and wouldn't leave. Of course, you'd have to be familiar with the film (you mean you aren't?) to know it's basically the lead-in line for each scene, apparently a friend calling and telling im about some hot jack-off scene, or an idea for his next film. Blah blah blah, I call, we set up a time, and he suggests I just come up to his apartment. Woo-Hoo!

All that night I kept thinking do I approach this as like an interviewer, do I need to bring a notebook and pen? But it just felt forced - his invitation was pretty much "you seem to 'get' my work, so let's meet and hang out" so I pedalled up there yesterday with that in mind - let's just hang out. So the elevator door opens, there he is with a dog who wants to greet me first. I am quickly instructed to feed the dog a carrot, which I do, and apparently that's supposed to make the dog like me. It works. I'm escorted into the kitchen and offered coffee.

I'd been up for hours, couldn't sleep past 8 am (which is incredibly weird for me, I usually get my best sleep between 7-10 am, but I digress) and I've had several cups of coffee already, so I accept one of the alternate offers (no, not a role in his next sexpic), water. He pours himself a refill of coffee, and, smiling, says "boy, this is exciting, getting to finally meet." YES - this is an OHMIGOD OHMIGOD moment - him being excited about this - but I try to hide it and smile back as he pulls up a chair. There's no way I can lay out for you what specifically we talked about - but pretty much what you'd expect - me asking about the old films, his new stuff, him revealing little tidbits - sometimes prefacing with "you can't tell anyone this" - when talking about who wrote the score for the "Trilogy", or the soap opera star who did the voice-overs for the Trilogy trailers - stuff like that. Even some tidbits about the next release (which, alas, some of my friends in the Southern states won't be able to mail order, unless some of the material is edited and put on some special bonus disc). Even pointing when I ask about a specific scene from one of the films - "Oh, we shot the whole thing over there; yes, Casey Donovan was great." And he asked me stuff about the web - told me some ideas he has for his site - laughed about typing his name into Google and my site comes up first. We talked about my recently discovering I have videotapes with the watersports scenes in tact - he's not even sure if he has them, and sternly told me to hang on to them (like I needed telling!) There was this one wonderful moment, I can't even remember what the specific story was, but he let out a big laugh, his heading falling back, and I'm sitting in his kitchen thinking, "this isn't an amazing OHMIGOD I'm with someone famous moment - this is the much better wow I like this guy and we're enjoying each other's company can't wait to do it again moment."

I knew he had a plane to catch, and asked about the time again. He had earlier mentioned how I had to see Tulsa County Line and in an email said he'd have one for me - so he went into the next room to fetch it while I went to his bathroom to take a piss (No, I didnt check for cameras, like that would've stopped me!) When I came out, there it was, Jason Branch's little smirk looking up at me from Joe Gage's kitchen table, and he said - "Do you want an autograph?" Of course, right!? Then he said "Do you want me to make it out to you, or would you want to try to sell it?" We both laughed, as he was well aware I make a few extra bucks on eBay , and of course assured him it would be staying with me. He even mentioned that after finishing up production on Tulsa, Jason Branch pulled out some old Gage videos and asked for autographs - but for Blake Harper. Gage even questioned this, having heard that they had broken up. But Branch assured him that he and Blake were still very close, and that Harper was a huge fan (and was subsequently in Gage's Closed Set: The New Crew). How sweet, eh? (Or, in Jason Branchese - "sweeeeeeet.") Anyway, by this time I had been there well over an hour, and started packing up. We promised we'd see each other again soon, as he's in town frequently. As we're standing in the hallway, waiting for the elevator, he catches me looking in the direction of one of the other rooms, and he proudly tells me which of his old films was filmed in that little room.

Can't wait to go back!

I'm exhausted. I know I said I'd talk about my coffee date, but I was there for over an hour, then did some freelance work for a friend, then subwayed over to Brooklyn after two guys (sorry fellas, I'll add the linkage later - and thanks!) told me to check out a store that had some vintage periodicals. Let's just say I spent way more there than I earned working for my friend. And I'm still digesting a really nice chat with my favorite porn director (c'mon - do that math!). Plus I have to answer some emails and phone calls about the room for rent (why don't any possessionless gayboys want to live in a tiny room in a tiny Lower East Side apartment with a porn purveyor?) - and try to get this thing wrapped up this weekend. It's nearly 5pm, and I haven't even eaten yet!

ohmigod ohmigod OHMYGOD!
(said while fretting around the apartment like Homer Simpson, waving hands frantically in the air). Ok Ok okok. calm down. OKok. ok. It's just coffee. It's not a date date; it's meeting someone I've admired for awhile, and I just got off the phone and we are having coffee tomorrow afternoon. I have no idea what I'll say, 'cept "you're so fuckin' cool."

ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod.

But seriously, I need to relax, and just enjoy myself, and not get all freaked out - he sounded really cool on the phone, brief conversation setting up time and place, and boom! I'll have details sometime either tomorrow afternoon, or early thursday - normally, I wouldn't even want to say this much, for fear of jinxing it, but this is too cool to hold in.

This is really freaky. I finally got my head eyes examined earlier today, and this thing they do to dilate your eyes and check deep for problems has really f@cked me up. They warned about blurry vision for a few hours, and good thing I knew not to ride my bike. Still, it's very disorienting to get new glasses and see really clearly 10+ feet away, but not within arms length.

I woke up very depressed this morning, had to get out of the house early (by 9a.m.), and as I was getting ready, thought - "what if this depression doesn't lift by Spring?" - I mean, its ok to be bummed out for a few months in the winter when its too cold to be social and get out much; but it would be a real shame to not be able to shake this by the time the trees are budding, the days are getting longer, and the boys are wearing less clothing. grrrrr.

Way to go, mayor Gavin Newsom!!

Someday we'll outnumber you and you'll be the abnormal ones...

Ahhhh, if only. I managed to find a 2nd copy of this book, so am selling one on eBay (click pic to go to auction). It's amusing (not) how the prediction that the homosexuals would wind up outnumbering the str8's hasn't yet materialized. In fact, I think we've gone from 1 in 6 to 1 in 10 down to about 1 in 25, depending on who you believe. Best part fo the book, as is usual with this sort of literature, is the artwork. At first I only noticed how the one guy was lavendar-hued on the front cover; then, when readying it for auction, I realized that on the back, 5 of the 6 men are lavendar.

On a slightly related topic, I happened to be channel surfing last night, and stumbled upon C-SPAN's coverage of the Massachusetts's Constitutional Convention (yes, C-SPAN is on my list of favorite channels). Sometime around 7:30/8pm, a Republican man was explaining the compromise amendment, defining marriage as one man + one woman, but included a parallel provision for Civil Unions. And some discussion on giving the citizenry a chance to vote/participate, not leaving a group of citizens out (gays) when it comes to the protections of the law, etc etc. It was actually rather sensible, and reasonable. I started to think, if the law would be identical protections/resposibilities, why fight over the word? And then next came up a Democrat, self-described practicing Catholic, named David Magnani. Immediately my guard went up, expecting some lecture about sanctity of marriage, or whatever. Much to my surprise, it was an eloquent plea not to amend their constitution and take away rights from a group of citizens. I wish I could find the full text of it, as he described his struggle with the issue, his faith, his role as a legislator. I was moved to tears, in fact. Perhaps because my own prejudices about what a straight Catholic man would believe, I was caught off guard by his well-reasoned argument about the seriousness of the moment, the important issues at stake, and his role in insuring "the greatest good for the greatest number of people." I was glued to my television, suddenly feeling this optimism about government, and straight people, and the future.

A few speakers later was a legislator who happened to be lesbian. I don't want to put her down, but I have to say she bored me to death. She did say at the onset that she wasn't a great public speaker, and out of some sort of guilt I felt I had to listen. She droned on and on, things I've heard before, health insurance, visitation in hospital, etc., etc., nothing new, poorly articulated, but she continued on. She finished up, thanking the chamber for its time and attention, and there was a good amount of cheering from unseen people. And maybe some of you know how C-SPAN works. Pretty much a one or two camera operation; one focused on the podium for close-ups, and one long shot showing the front of the room. Now we have the long shot as she leaves the podium, and about 15-20 of her fellow legislators line up to hug and congratulate her. That's when I got it -- it sounds like a mantra, but its true: visibility. We have to be out, we have to be open about who we are, and we have to show that we are everywhere. Clearly Mr. Magnani has experienced this, and couldn't in good conscience find any legitimate reason for calling a marriage between two gay people anything other than marriage.

What is the point of having a cellphone, and waiting an hour after an appointment to call and say "gee, I'm running late"? You see, at 3pm, while you were having make-up sex with your ex-boyfriend, or chatting with another potential roommate in more-fashionable Chelsea, or whatever-the-fuck you were doing - you already knew you couldn't be here for your 3pm appointment. That's when you call and say you're running late. But hell, its 4pm, why not try.

So I get the call, accept his apology, he still wants to see the place, and I ask what his schedule is like for the rest of the afternoon. "I'm 10 minutes away." OK, fine, see you in 10 minutes. So I get back to the computer instant-messaging with a pal. 15 minutes later I'm thinking, this sucks, I hate waiting; but hell, don't get all worked up, its only 5 minutes (more) late. My pal jokes with me about how the guy should blow me if he wants the share, blah blah. 20 minutes. C'mon - the guy says he's lived in the East Village for 4 years, he can't be lost! 30 minutes. I tell my pal I gotta run to the post office, I'll talk to him later. I dress, turn the computer off, go downstairs, hop on the bike and head down the road. I spot a gay-looking stranger turning the corner from Avenue C on to my block - but I keep going. At the post office, I wait in line for a package, then head back home. Yup, waiting outside is the same guy I spotted. As my bike hops up on the curb, passing him, he addresses me. I continue, lock up my bike, and walk back over to him. He introduces himself, and I say "sorry, pal, not gonna work - I waited another 30 minutes for you; not twice in one day - not gonna work." He attempts another apology, I turn to unlock the front door, he says he understands (yeah, right), and I go inside, alone.

And to my pal I was instant-messaging to: nope, a blowjob from that guy wouldn't have helped.

roommate interviewing begins today. In fact, the token str8 interviewee just left (i specified a preference for a gay male roommate, but he seemed nice on the phone). Actually, he seemed like someone I could live with, and he's familiar with the city and the neighborhood. Two more scheduled for today, and a few tomorrow. Wish me luck.

OK, who says you can't sell used underwear on eBay anymore?

• worn stinky used thrashed mens boxers
• Torn Stained & Faded Blk Chereskin Med Briefs
• MEN'S COTTON BRIEFS [2pair]
• DIESEL vintage M pouch BREIFS gay WORN
• realistic molded basket enhancer
• 19 year old boy's worn boxers
• Undergear Prevail Sport Gray Posing Sling
• U.S. Navy Blue Go Softwear Jock Gay Int
• Camouflage Mesh G-String *See Thru*

Ok - so maybe they weren't all used, but.....

This is what happens when you buy clothes you don't really need, then grow out of them (i.e gain weight only around the waist) before you ever take them out of the packaging - blue plaid - olive green plaid, boxer shorts on eBay. And another pornopic - JOE PORCELLI.

Some (more) pics from current eBay auctions - which means the pic-links will be gone within a few days - Ed Wiley - Nick Fabrini - Neal Shaw - Tony Bravo ....... more to come

Birthday In Jail

Matthew Limon "celebrates" his 22nd birthday today, in a Kansas jail. He has served 4 years of his 17-year sentence, and it looks likely that he may not see freedom until 2017, after he turns 35. I just can't imagine that! I can't imagine what the past year of his life has been like; that glimmer of hope when it looked like the Supreme Court was going to look at his case; then actually vacating the decision and remanding it back to the Kansas Courts this past summer. Finally getting the chance to imagine what his young adulthood might be like. Waiting all summer and fall for the painfully slow legal process to take its course. The optimistic press reports after the oral arguments in December. Then bam! The constitutionality of the Kansas law that treats heterosexual and homosexual sexcrimes differently upheld!

How did Mr. Limon take the news? What was it like for his lawyers to break it to him? What have those long nights alone in a jail cell been like, the hope that it might be over soon gone, vanished? How do you explain to a young man that he must stay in prison for another 13 years, that he will be 35 years old before he will be able to begin his life? How do you console a young man who during his sentencing hearing 3-1/2 years ago admitted to thinking about suicide many times while in the county jail awaiting the sentencing decision?

I've read that damn case a number of times in the past 10 days since the decision has been handed down. I've tried to analyze it, see what went wrong, figure it out. But each time I stop. This is not some college assignment, this is a real person who's life has been robbed. Regardless of how one feels about sex between an 18-year-old and a 14-year old (the complicating factors of each young man's mental capacity is sort of a "wash" as each had been determined to be about 6th grade in terms of emotional development), it boggles the mind that anyone can think that lengthy jail time is the answer. Even young Limon has actually managed to convince himself that he's a bad person, deserving punishment, and he begged for help to change at his sentencing hearing.

When I turned 22, I was a senior in college, having just heard that I had a job waiting for me in New York upon graduation. I didn't have specific plans of what I wanted to do with my life - generic bachelor's degree, job in a Midtown office. But it was my life, waiting to be lived, experienced, make mistakes - meet new people, fall in love several times, move a dozen times around the city. Horrible tragedies, great disappointments - all that - but it was mine to figure out for myself. I was free to discover the harsh limitations of life, but also to stumble upon the beautiful reasons why it is so precious, so amazing. We should be outraged each and every time that it is taken from someone. This past year I've had numerous discussions with friends and acquaintances about gay marriage, gay adoption - the inequality, the unfairness, the hopes, the worries. And I wouldn't want to choose only one area where the pain is so overwhelming, so unfair to anyone else; but freedom - being able to wake up each day and decide for oneself what he or she wants to do - isn't that the barest minimum of fairness? Whether its your crappy job, your awful school, looking at your miserable life partner - that's for you to decide. But the State - the government, taking away your basic freedom for 17 years rather than 15 months, merely because your sexcrime was with the same, rather than opposite, gender - how does one make sense out of that?

Well, the roommate search is on. Just as I was typing up the description, I realized that last time I looked for a roommate in February, I only got about 6 solid responses (if someone doesn't know where the Lower East Side is, I'm not gonna bother with the description of my dead-end street, surrounded by public housing - it's a waste of both of our time). Alas, it's been a good 24 hours since I posted on Craigslist, and only 4 replies ( I don't count the email suggesting I try another free service). Well, if I don't find anyone by the end of the month, I'll just have to hang around Times Square handing out flyers offering cheap downtown accomodations ($5.00 discount if you let me blow you).

Subj: KC Trucking?
Date: 1/21/04 2:59:15 AM Eastern Standard Time
To: bjland7820

Hello.

I ran across your site a while back when I was looking for info on why the VHS copy of El Paso Wrecking I bought was so chopped up, missing roughly a third of the stated "90 minute" length.

The good news is that a friend of a co-worker turns out to have a copy -- on Betamax, no less! -- of the full original film. Fortunately I'm one of the OTHER few remaining Beta lunatics, and I've been able to do a transfer to DVD for both of us.

The question I have is that your GAGETAPE page states that you're going to compare the Gagetape version of KC Trucking to the currently available version, but apparently you either never got around to comparing them or never posted the results. The reason I'm asking is that after he lent me the copy of EPW, he found his Beta copy of KCT, and I'm wondering if I should bother-- if there's nothing missing in the current release, why spend the time doing the transfer myself.

--- George

I responded that I think the videotapes are all the same, that I have seen 65-70 minutes, but never saw any real differences among them. But added that I hear that the orginal film had a brief watersports scene, but had never made it to videotape. So then he wrote back that he got curious, he timed it at 66 minutes; BUT - he watched it, and saw the brief watersports scene! This made him wonder if perhaps something else was missing if he had the w/s scene on his version. Meanwhile he offerred to make a dvd copy for me. Then, while doing the transfer, he decided to send me the 1 minute, 20 second clip!

Woo-Hoo, right? Meanwhile, I'm wondering , let's look at my copies and see the timings on each. I have 4 copies (hey, ya never know - one could break), and timed them each at 65:00, 65:15, 65:15, and 66:30. The first 3 were HIS/VCA (including one GAGETAPE) - but the last one was released by "Select Video" I bought it on eBay some months ago (maybe even a year) but was disappointed that it didn't seem different. Guess what I found during the finale orgy scene? YUP - the watersports scene is in there! And I was considering selling off that copy, since I had too many of the same thing!

If you look at BIJOU - they have a good write-up of the film (they have it on special) and they mention that one reason some of the tapes are choppy, is that different distributors/ movie houses edited the film --- and when it went to video - and this is the part I fill in knowing what I know - Select Video must've just gotten a hold of a movie house version, and didn't edit out the w/s scene!

KANSAS CITY TRUCKING CO.

Directed by Joe Gage.
Starring Jack Wrangler, Steve Boyd, Richard Locke, Duff Paxton, Kurt Williams, Dane Tremmell, Skip Shepherd, Bud Jaspar, and Maria Reina.

I've included a bit of the scene prior to the Jack Wrangler/Richard Locke piss scene to give it more context, to show the contrast in sound and editing style. How cool is it to see Locke's piss hitting Wranglers cock?!!??

Some pics from current eBay auctions - which means the pic-links will be gone within a few days - Giorgio Canali (mmmmmm), Rick Draper (kinda young and blonde, but he'll do), and Nick Rodgers (you may remember him from such films as Hot Truckin', The Idol, Grease Monkeys, Al Parker's Rangers, and several Colt/Target films).

Super Bowl Death

How many hours are still being spent at watercoolers, in bars, in weblogs and on the news over JacksonsBoobExposure? Compare that to the coverage of the "celebration" - "the crowds, most of them students, overturned cars, broke windows and set fires" where a 21-year-old man was killed. KILLED! And the investigation is going to be over the horror of the world being subjected to a glimpse of a body part, and not over the Boston Police passively watching the rioting (oh, sorry, they call it "celebrating" up there)! I don't even know how to put into words how troubling this is. When the topic came up at work last night (the boob) and I asked my co-worker if she knew how many people died after the Game, first she thought I was joking, then I got the look - the "you grumpy old man always seeing the negative" look.

The outcome of all this? Miss Jackson gets the much-needed publicity for her new record, CBS continues to do even less critical coverage of the Bush administration and the rest of the Rebulican party, and a family in Boston quietly mourns the loss of a young man.

........I know, I know, just cuz I'm in a foul mood doesn't mean I shouldn't be trying to share interesting porno tidbits. I'm not even going to be tacky and link to the ALL ABOUT BALLS magazine auction, or even complain that I wish I could afford to keep this, and some other cool magazine auctions I'm posting over the next few days. I'm just gonna shut up and give you the pic-link to Cowboy Balls.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

......... still obsessing about Friday's Limon decision. And I was just in the middle of trying to put into words something about why this bothers me so much, why this is so awful. But the luxury of worrying about the outside world stopped as I picked up the phone. No, nothing horrible. My roommate had told me over a week ago that he was moving out, he gave me plenty of notice (end of Feb). But the friend I had lined up to move in called and said he's got good news for himself - he's able to stay put where he is. I was not only looking forward to the fun of living together with someone I like and know I'd get along with, but I was also so happy about not having to go through the awful advertising, interviewing, cleaning, preparing, etc., for a new person in my home. Ugh. Double fucking ugh.

I hope someone will clean up the mess when my head explodes.