about last night...

Whole Lotta Love blasting as I struggle to get my first beer (a song that can't be ignored, although I never play it at home - excpet that Napster mixed with Pink Floyd version), I remembered it's Rock N Roll Night here. Too many 80's spandex hits like that skinny chick who was rumoured to sing Opera (not Nina Hagen, I WISH!).... but the music, except for a few real clinkers, was pretty cool. The Cock was feeling very generic last night, but not in a bad way. In a generic sleazy smokey loud redlight not many people but those of us here are having fun kinda generic. Could be Long Island, or Mobile, Alabama..... and then Patti Smith (baby was a black sheep baby was a whore.....!!!) and I got into position, under that right speaker, to order another beer, and remember the last time I stood right here, with that same song blasting, and I asked that guy to fuck "right here, right now" - he laughed, smiled, moved away...... What an idiot. I mean, if anyone and I mean ANYONE asked me to fuck while Patti Smith is blasting, I would hop right up on that bar and stick my fuzzy ass up in the air and take it, take it like a MAN! But, naw, he's not an idiot, he gives me the "hey we did it but we aint doing it again" arm squeeze whenever I see him now, better than the "hey we did it and we aint gonna do it again" blank stare that is much too common.

So, something less amazing played after that (duh), and my mind trailed off to DAN's rant about A Night at Halsted's. And I realized that the problem with the movie (other than skinny, hairless guys with unattractive faces taking up too much space in the film) is that it can't be watched as a video. It was made to be absorbed in a porno theatre, or porno sex club, or something like that. The soundtrack for that movie isn't for watching a porn movie, the music is for watching, and/or particpiating in, ACTUAL LIVE SEX. I can remember strolling past booth after booth on all 3 floors of the renovated Bijou in Chicago, as some deejay played cool music, loud, and the sounds, and aromas, of dozens of men cruising, slurping, licking....... inhaling it all, absorbing it, just being NEAR sex was great, invigorating....

Last night, in the backroom, where a handful of couples were making out in the dark redlight, and smoke, and noise, and only one pairing was actually having sex, I got close to them. Watched, but couldn't actually see any cock. Just a head, going up and down on a slim guy leaning against the wall, who caught my eye. And he stayed focused on me, as he pushed the guy's head down, up, held it firm, and so on, keeping his eye on me, and I just stood, and downed some more water, and bopped my head to the madness/englishbeat/specials that was blaring at this point, and thought "yeah, it has to be blurry, and dark, and smokey, and your eyes are no longer what brings the stimulus to you, but your ears, and your tongue, and your skin...."

I chose not to join in, to interrupt. I didn't want it to change, I just wanted to watch, hypnotically, the quiet 3-way we had. Some Nirvana song, one of the better ones whose title you never knew. Me watching, him watching me watch, the 3rd guy, performing for both of us, and the rest of us back there. The bluriness of it all let me reach back into memory, and think about the many other similar times of participating, on different levels. Sometimes you just grab someone's balls as he jerks, sometimes you try to take 2 cocks in your face at once, sometimes you thrust your own cock out, and let someone gobble on it for awhile, and sometimes you just watch, and let them know that they are hot, and sexy, and better than any porn movie.......