HAPPY NEW YEAR

fer some reason i was looking thru old posts, and wondered jsut how long ago I took the nypd/newyear's pic, and found it was way back on New Year's Eve in 2001. so above, i did my best to re-create it (ignore the extra pounds). the fake smile seems to be close, however. ha, i wonder if it was fake, or if i was genuinely having fun, taking pics in jockstraps.... it wasn't that long ago, but damn, 7fuckinyears and wow.... the things that have changed, and goddam, the things that are the same. would rather not contemplate that now, but most likely will in the coming hours as I put the fake smile on, and head out to NOWHERE for the celebration. i shouldn't be so harsh, there will be good friends, and for that i am extremely grateful. but last night, after a few beers, and some guy was jsut trying his best to pick me up, and i was happy for the attention, but it made me sad. sadder than if i had been left alone, cuz that wouldn't been a different kind of sad, not the cystal clear recollection of june 2005 gaypride weekend, when i was jsut having a blast, having met the man of my dreams. oh fuck, he wasn't that - because i never had an idea of what that would be; i just knew after that first overnight, sitting in a diner on 8th avenue, listening, and looking into his eyes and imagining him 20, 30 years on, and yeah, i want to get to know this guy... sigh.

and what about this one - New Year's Eve, 2004 - what's with that? fun with self is important, but sometimes, sometimes i just wish there was that special someone to share my hotmanpiss with, ya know?

ok, so at least i can make myself laugh - most of the time, that's half the battle. See y'all at NOWHERE, and remember, "you wear the jockstrap, i'll do the sniffing."