Let the Eagles Soar, indeed, Mr Ashcroft, but I think I'll wait for the Danny Tenaglia remix.

No matter how much I tried to take my clothes off, he just wouldn't let me! No, seriously, that was a lot of fun, hanging around my apartment, Jason dropping by, and us spending over 2 hours together. For a peek at his work check out Studio81. I guess having diddled a bit on the very very very amateur level that I've taken some pics, I was fascinated watching him work, figuring out lighting, placement of the subject (me), etc. He did a couple quick polaroids, like you see here, very basic instructions, "sit here" "look at me" (which I quickly learned means look into the lens), "stop clowning around!" - no really, he didn't make me stop, he let me relax in my own way, which is basically to make lots of silly jokes, like trying to lick my own armpit while saying "make love to the camera". He was not snapping those kinds of pics! I guess the compliment, to me, was that when he stumbled across my website a few days back (i guess a yahoo search for "gay men who have lots of time on their hands"), he saw something that made him think "this will be interesting" and since it was mostly face, and full-body, with clothes (yeah, eventually he let me get down to boxers), it was a fun way to spend the afternoon. The massive amounts of porn videos lying around didn't seem to scare him off, and maybe if there's a next time, we can do something ala American Beauty - only instead of me on the bed with rose pedals falling, we can have porn video boxes, and cockrings falling...........just a thought. And signing a "model release form" was exciting - just think, my face could be on a billboard in Times Square next week, and I wouldn't get a dime!

let's see what kind of sense I can make before having a full cup of coffee. Despite having gotten this friendly reminder yesterday, 10 minutes into the Grammy's last night, seeing those chicks dressed up like Barbie dolls yelping some rehashed old song, I still don't get the appeal to queers (really, I swear, I am one!). A few more hours of TV (Law and Order was great - I love the evil internet software plots!) more porn video reviewing, and a brief bit in a chatroom - until NYCpig4U or some such name, wanted hot raw, drug induced party-and-play action (but didnt want to leave his hotel room), some ice cream, and by 3 am, I finally crawled into bed. I have this stupid idea for a "contest" of sorts, but I havent quite figured out the prize structure. More coffee, and maybe I can get my act together and figure that out.

Amen!, and double amen to #'s 1,3, 7, and 10

Had a nice coffee break today. Yesterday I got an email from this SVA student, asking if I'd be willing to have my picture taken for a school project. After a few emails, and a look at some of his cool pics I agreed, and we just met up to talk. He had his portfolio with some of the other pictures he's taken so far for the project, and the first guy I recognized! Not from "real life" but from the web - and his photographs of the guy were really good, not just "guy in leather jacket and facial hair" but somehow the facial expressions were captured real well - hard to explain. And as I was looking thru more, he asked if I had a partner - "naw, I don't" -"OH, that's too bad!" he responded. "Tell me about it!" I added, which made him laugh; but he explained that what he meant was that he was also doing couples' portraits, and there were several in the portfolio that were quite good. One couple in particular - mid/late 40's, both with greying hair, goatee/mustache/facial hair variations and balding, really grabbed my attention. Well, as much as one might think it was something to do with the similarites between the 2 guys and myself, it was really just that not only were they handsome, but were quite comfortable in front of the camera, and with each other, with thier slight grins, as they were embraced, one behind the other. Then I noticed that the one guy had his hand behind himself, subtley, but most likely grabbing his boyfriend's crotch out of the camera's view.

So, he comes by tomorrow, and we'll see what happens. He said something about just wanting to take pics of gay men in their natural habitat, er, I mean, in their natural environment. So, no doubt the pics will include this computer, and piles of porn videos and magazines lying around. Actually, while he said specifically that they didn't have to be naked in one of the emails, and god knows I have enough of those, maybe, if the idea is what I'm comfortable in, it'll be my fave outfit: baggy boxers and a dago-tee (provided the heat is on in the apartment) - I don't really decorate Christmas trees, and bake cookies wearing nothing but a jockstrap.

"For 30 years I've been struggling and fighting, and I still feel like an outcast in the gay community"

A pal sent me an email, reminding me of Sylvia Rivera's funeral & Memorial Procession. He was planning on going to the procession, which was to start at the Stonewall Inn, carrying her ashes by horse-drawn carriage along Christopher St. to the Hudson River. Last week he first mentioned this, and while I had no specific memory of her, the group of us who were out briefly chatted. Stonewall veteran, transgender activist, the word fierce come up a lot. Today's email, simply "if your interested, meet me at 9" kinda got to me. First reaction was: naw, don't want to do a funeral, don't want to go through all that emotional upheaval, thinking about all the previous funerals in 41 years, don't want to deal with people who go to it as an "event" either, that bugs me.

But, as I do alot, I sat on my fat ass and did some web searching for more info, and within minutes I was feeling sad, and guilty. I eventually found this NPR obituary, which is not bad. But the first article that I read was about a demonstration, and City Council hearing last year regarding amending the city's anti-discrimination law to include transsexual, transgendered, and gender-variant New Yorkers. And what hit me was her concern for kids, "street youth", who don't fit the usual expectations for males or females and are thrown out in the street by their own parents. Sure it's easy to get all misty-eyed when thinking about kids struggling, and the folks who are there to help. But it's more than that, really, to me. We all know the obligatory statements we hear, and say, around Gay Pride every year about the "street queens" who were at the forefront of the movement. But what about the often unacknowledged debt, what we hardly ever talk about, that these "shock troops" are owed?

I don't really know what was going thru my parents minds as I was growing up, and the growing realization that their son was "different". I came out in my early 20's, in a long letter to my Dad, and his easy, eager, in fact, acceptance was wonderful, but not really surprising. Since then they've met many gay friends, and 2 of my boyfriends have gone "home" with me to visit (one came to my sister's wedding, the other spent a Christmas; both met members of the extended family ). Actually, for me, a fairly easy go of it. But I wonder about that "phewww, thank god he's not that way!" feeling that maybe they felt, and certainly lots of folks must feel. And how often have I felt that relief, that i'm only a bit "different". How much I joke, but really mean it, when I say "when did it become LGBT?" The discomfort I feel about bisexual men; the snickering at nighclubs, when its ok to be entertained by the likes of Amanda Lepore (yes, we love our entertainers, don't we), but to still have those "why did she do that" kind of thoughts......... I dunno, I'm starting to ramble, but i guess the point is, how much do we (I) actually do to support the notion that folks should be free to be whoever they are, period. Don't add some obligatory phrase about "as long as they're not hurting anyone" - as if crap like that needs to be said ("It's okay for those lumberjacks to wear plaid, as long as they're not hurting anyone") And someone shouldn't have to be a part of a history or movement that benefits me to be deserving of that, either.

........ as my mind gets tried of trying to express myself............ A really good website called Sound Portraits has this radio documentary from 1989 - Remembering Stonewall, plus a piece from a NY Times article nearly 3 years ago, a brief interview with Sylvia Rivera: "So there's a lot of joy in my heart to see the 30th anniversary of Stonewall. You know what was beautiful about that night? To see the brothers and sisters stand as a unified people. But I do get depressed when this time of year comes around: for 30 years I've been struggling and fighting, and I still feel like an outcast in the gay community."

Last night was my usual: bike over to the Westside to see if there are any used, cheap porn videos for sale (yes! several good ones!); then Seinfeld, and an episode of Boston Public. Then, back to work, reviewing several of the porn vids I had just purchased, readying them for resale: Black Workout 2; Sex Oasis; Homme Alone; Locked Up; and Recruit Me!. I gotta say, you can snicker all you want, but it's hard work. After awhile, you're eyes get blurry, Trenton Comeaux starts to look like Anthony Gallo, the tape heads get worn down, and you run out of clever euphemisms to use on eBay's site. Oh crap! Look at the time, my cockring dealer will be here any minute, and the place is a mess!

oh yeah, and since last Thursday, when I filled my hard drive with tons of new music (much of it deleted already), I can't stop playing this song by the Otis Waygood Blues Band - - Watch An' Chain - 1970, from South Africa (by way of Rhodesia - which of course now is Zimbabwe - or is that Rhodesia, by way of South Africa?). Thank God I have blinds on my windows, I do this awful dance-thing each time I play it - really, really embarassing how little rhytmh I have (see, can't even spell RHYTHYM!)

buy you a chevrolet (gonna buy you)
buy you a chevrolet (chevrolet)
buy you, chevrolet, if you just make love to me

buy you most anything (gonna buy you)
buy you most anything (anything)
buy you, anything, if you just make love to me

sunday

didn't leave the house til after midnight. spent the day playing music, looking at some late 80's/early 90's porn (gosh, can't believe I used to like some of those guys; the cheesey music, the NO-KISSING "stars" like Chad Douglas, Eric Manchester, Rex Chandler (who I keep calling Rex Harrison for some reason) - and I have a copy of Jeff Stryker's POWERTOOL I need to skim thru before selling. Went out for some pacing in a small dark space with bad ventilation, eventually burning a few calories with a hairy-balled man. Then, home for ice cream, popcorn, god-knows-what else, and some Jacksons 5-hour tv movie at 3 am.

Thursday Night

Yeah, that impromptu date. The evening started off in the usual me obsessing over finding some disco-tune from some 70's porno-flick (Super Nature by Cerrone). Then I caught up with some pals for beer at The Phoenix. One guy and I had previously flirted, but nothing materialized, and recently, via email, he mentioned not being in dating-mode, so I figured that was that. While I didn't plan to stay out til 4 am, these guys kept going, and while I didn't match them beer-for-beer, I stayed. At some point, late, between awkward pauses and a few long looks at each other, flirt-boy pulled me between his legs and we kissed. Surprising, not just for the suddenness of it, but also for the strong, yet sweetness of it. We stopped quickly enough, perhaps acknowledging our surroundings, our pals being so close by. Then a few whispered "gee it's late" and "I couldn't do anything 'cept sleep, after all that beer"; another kiss. Gee, he's good. When the lights came on, we all laughed, joking about the hour, and pulled jackets on and headed out the door. I had the luxury of stepping away from the group to unlock my bike, while they discussed who was going in which direction. Walking back to the group, I looked at kisser-boy, and merely said "Hop on" - being such a good boy, he did. I pedaled off as we waved and shouted goodbyes. He was a bit wobbley from the ride, and yeah, an extra 150 pounds wasn't too easy on my beer-filled 140 pound self, but we managed to get up the 4 flights.

In the apartment, we quickly had some water, he undressed fast as we repeated the "we really need to get some sleep" bit. Kissing and nibbling lightly, we cuddled up, and I was ready for sleep. One more mouth-on-mouth kiss, and he pushed my head downwards, either having read bits of this blog knowing what I like, or merely (and more likely) just knowing what he liked. But once I was down there for a bit, I got the giggles, which, fortunately, I kept to myself. Managing to still enjoy what I was doing (and from the sounds above, him too) my head strayed to thoughts of a pal who teases me about my "faux rimming" technigue, and Andy's routine about the inadvisability of rimming on the first date. Not to mention realizing that this man would no doubt be reading whatever I wrote about this within a few hours. We finsihed up just fine. He complained a bit about too much to drink; not in a bad way, but in a matter-of-fact way as he gentley held me as we trailed off to sleep.

I remember waking a couple times, being conscientious of the fact that he had a job to go to; but he seemed not too worried. On one trip to the bathroom, I returned to him, diagonally taking up the whole bed. But each time we returned to sleep, there was a gentle kiss on the head, a warm touch. I gave him clothes, and coffee, when we finally got out of bed. We didn't mention the clothes ever coming back, which was cool, but I found myself throughout the rest of the day smiling, remembering little kisses from him as we slept. Sometimes I really miss the sleep-overs, I've had them so rarely this past year. But, I don't miss the bad sleepovers of years ago, the alcohol-breath, or when I couldn't wait for the guy to leave, or the restless "cant fuck, but lets try for a few tiring hours" routine. This was nice. This was being let in a bit, seeing someone's gentle warmness, and being relaxed enough to enjoy it.

Sunday morning

.........well, I made the coffee, I'm bringing you a cup in bed.........

oops! I forgot, there is no you; hasn't been for a long, long time. Too bad, it's good coffee, and I'm in a real nice snuggling mood, too.

This morning, I find no 1/2 & 1/2 in the fridge, so I'm putting ice cream in my coffee. It's actually quite good. And I got an additional email from eBay, apparently I can't use profanity in the auctions, and COCK is considered profane! How do I sell a cockring without saying COCK??? Penis Ring sounds fuckin' gross, you know. Ever have phone sex and the other guy keeps talking about his penis, and your penis, and "don't ya just love penis"? And to think I just ordered about 50 bucks more worth of cockrings, dammit! But I do have more porno videos to view, and post on eBay for the weekend, but really would've liked to have the cockrings up, as well.

okay, re-reading the email, I think I get it. Gosh, I feel sorry for these poor $7.00/hour schnooks who have to deal with these inane rules and answer emails from folks like me - check this out

WRAP AROUND COCK BALL DIVIDER
cock ring was ended for profanity. You are not allowed to use the word cock or other profanities within the listing. You may relist this item if you blurb the profane words. Within our Mature Audiences categories, we allow sellers to quote from the title of the item being sold without 'blurring' out the profane words. However, we do not allow the use of profanity in describing the item being sold.

okay, I think I get it (gosh, how much do their lawyers get paid for coming up with these distinctions). I can call it a cockring in the title, but i can't say "it gives your cock a nice lift" like I usually do, within the item's description. It just sucks, cuz lots of folks honestly don't know how a simple cockring works, and this one has 2 parts, the one that goes around the "whole package" and the strap that goes just under your cock, separating your cock and balls from each other. Gosh, the headaches of being a smut pusher............

from the mailbag

Dear bjland;

We have returned your auction:
DADDY DUKE -------------from BIC Productions
to the site, where it now appears as an ended item. This auction was ended in error. The auction does not promote incest. We apologize for ending your auction in error. Additionally, if there were any bidders for the auction(s) listed above, we have emailed each of them a copy of the following letter:
"You recently had placed a bid on auction(s):
1705732478 DADDY DUKE -------------from BIC Productions
which had been ended by eBay. After review of this auction, we have found that it had been ended in error."
We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Regards,
eBay Inc

ok, now how about the 3 cockring auctions, and the Spanish Spectacular magazine auction, with Luscious Latin Lances and Andalusian Asses?

.........i must say, I do like the sound of the shower being used while I'm half awake, lying in bed. But I am a lightweight, so here I am, after noon, about to crawl back into bed again, more beer than I've had in awhile, but a fun night out. Hmmmm, got an email from one of the pals I was hanging out with - "You dirty, dirty boy." - Just because, as we were all on the sidewalk in front of the Phoenix after the lights came on, and I grabbed my bike, saying to one of his pals "hop on, lets go" - is it my fault that the boy did, and we did go, and ..... well, let's just say my legs are in good shape, and we had a pleasant ride home.

The Gemini clip below seems to work just fine; so thanks to all those who let me know (but I may have to take it down soon, as that page got tons of hits, and I might not be able to afford to leave it up, you know, bandwidth and all that...)

Sifting through porno videos to auction off, I found The Gay Man's Guide To Safer Sex, something I had gotten some months back in a lot of 10 or 12 videos. Given that it wasn't porn, per se, I figured it wouldn't fetch much, so I never got around to posting it. Finally looking at it, I've decided it's a keeper, something to add to my collection. Great early 90's sex-positive film, very erotic photography, with music from COIL, and 2 of the scenes are with one of my all-time faves, Aiden Shaw. With safe-sex tips and HIV info narrated throughout, it's unlikely that'll I'll ever use it as jack-off material (although this scene with these 2 guys going at it, in this plexiglass shower stall......) - still, an excellent reinforcer.

brief scene from one of my favorite films, Gemini, starring Jack Wrangler and Richard Locke, with music by Pink Floyd (naw, I don't think they gave permission for it's use)

actually, any feedback on if it works, how long to load, etc. would be appreciated. I have a few other clips I'd love to share in the future, too, so lemme know!

OK, so I've done 4 of the 6 things on my "to do" list - (all the porno stuff)- Set myself some relatively easy goals to obtain, kind of practice towards doing some important stuff (like bathing, grocery shopping, resume writing...). Anyway, I'm reviewing some of the porn videos I want to post on eBay tomorrow, making sure they're in reasonably good shape, and figuring out brief descriptions. So, after a couple of muscle wrestling videos, I pop in First Time Tryers - Chicago. Apparently, some guy does some scouting work for Chi Chi LaRue, by doing brief interviews, then a sex scene, with amateur guys who've always wanted to see what it would be like. First pairing is ok (the Chicago accents are the best part). But the second pairing, supposedly "str8" guys, I'm ready to fast-forward after hearing each being interviewed, how they've "let" guys blow them before, but never really had sex with another guy. The shot fades from the interview, to the hotel bedroom scene, and I've got my thumb on the FF button, but they're like madly kissing each other! So I watch, and they quickly strip off shirts, still kissing, one guy goes to blow the other, kinda regular sex scene, kissing, blowing, etc. Obviously the one guy isn't going to be blowing the other, so I'm fast-forwarding at this point, until I see this boot-licking, and I watch, as the "top" guy is name-calling the other guy, spitting on him as gets his boots licked "yeah, faggot, you like that", and again I'm about to hit the FF button, but topguy starts to lick bottom guy's ass. I mean, I dunno, the name-calling shit is a turn-off, of course ( to me), but they go at it kissing madly again, both real hard, and it's actually not a bad sex scene. But then they do the post-sex interview, just like one of those lame reality tv shows, where they analyze it. The "bottom" guy is more awkward, sorta like, "yeah, it was fun, glad I tried it" as he shields his face subconsciously; but the other guy is pretty pleased with himself, still breathing heavy, sticky cum on him, and the director is complementing him as being a hot pig saying: "Chi Chi should really like this" - the top guy jumps up, grinning wildly - "Really? really? - she'll dig me? Can you get me in Honcho? I wanna be in Honcho!!" Director says, "actually, I know an editor at Honcho, his name is Dave, if you ask him nice....." and the guy jumps in front of the camera "Dave, I really wanna be in HONCHO, please, let me be in Honcho" he says all coy and smiling. He's kind of an ass, but at the same time, kinda cute, so boyishly wanting to do this cool thing, being in Honcho and all.... then, as the camera fades, you see the 2 guys in the bathroom, about to take a shower, and the "top guy" still grinning, gently kisses the other guy's cheek. I dunno, I thought it was cool, unexpected, and.... hehe, "we" won another guy over!!

Qu'est-ce que c'est porno blog ?

TO DO LIST:

• ship porno
• buy porno
• set up cockring and porn video auctions (sell porno)
• cut hair (anyone wanna buy it?)
• finish roll of film of cockring pics, and bring to KMART for developing before they go out of business
• email "uncut pal" and tell him his fans want more pics (right?)
  

WARNING: REFERRAL LOGS POST!!!!

You're unemployed, lazy, bored, so you keep checking those referral logs, and you see tons of google search results bringing people to your webpages.... (well, me, anyway) okay, but why are so many people looking for SIMPSONS PORNO??????????? I mean, its a friggin' cartoon, with children, ferchrissakes! And shave gay?? well, that search must've been disappointing! unless they're into guys hwo occasionally shave those long hairs off they're ears, but have I taken any pictures of that? gay porno, of course, is cool (although I'm second, usually behind NAKED SWORD (which does have a couple of cool freebie porn clips, btw). porno gay under 16?????? EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Isn't that illegal? how to bj - well, that's cool, although, again, I don't thing I've ever attempted to explain how (the old popsickle analogy just isn't sufficient, you need to explain the whole taint phenomemon - you know, that spot that 'taint yer a-hole, 'taint yer balls, but just in between. Some solid tonguage in there, and some forceful goatee plunges really help - cuz its really a whole rimming tease right? - for the guys who are into rimming, they keep anticipating, but not getting; and for the guys who aint into it, they're on the edge, not wanting you to "go there", but oddly confused why this particular technigue feels so good)......... But I digress.....Of course, the searches for particular porn stars, that's cool, I hope these guys find what they're looking for. I do get requests for info on how to find specific porno videos, stuff like that, which of course is cool. Hmm. Anyone out there have any success with the PAYPAL, or AMAZON donate linky things? maybe some appreciative folks might want to plop a dollar or two my way. Just a thought.

well, besides the boring referral logs, I did go out last night, I did hear mediocre music, not see any friends, had decent sex, but was hoping more for a conversation, which, if I was lucky, would lead to affection and/or sex. But, alas, I got impatient. And my intake of beer was making the likelihood of me being able to participate in a conversation less and less likely. I swear this guy's cock piercing was the weirdest I've ever managed. Great practice for working on the gag-reflex, though. It wasn't some simple loop, but some sort of big pointy jagged thing - I didn't get a good look at it, as he was sort of "making it disappear" rather forcefully and frequently. He asked about fucking - HA! oh, sure man. "please daddy, plunge that hunk of jagged metal in my tight hairy hole" .......hmmm, now that i say it outloud.......