OK. bits of details are coming back to me. The oddest part is realizing, after being awake for several hours, that the pajama bottoms I'm wearing have a big hole - a split at the butt-seam. I mean, it's perfect for... well, anyway, I haven't a clue how it happened. I know I came home alone. I know I woke up alone, and I know this rip wasn't there the day before when I wore them. Back to my night out. I mentioned to the delivery guy at work, the one who works with me til the end of the shift, that I had wanted to go out for a couple beers, but the rain was discouraging me. But, at midnight, as I am counting out, his says it stopped raining, and asked if I was still going. He wound up coming with me, and although I didn't say explicitly it was a gay bar, he must've known that. (He's married, a couple of kids) So I basically hung out with him for the first 3 beers, talked about work, his kids, he liked the music, the cheap beer, and we both admired a few tattoos. He left, I stayed in the same spot, the crowd was thinning. Finished up the 3rd beer, and it was either grab another, or go home. So I go the bar, grab a stool, order my 4th. I happen to be next to the DJ, and his computer. A different guy comes up, seems to take control, and the music improves. Couldn't tell you who the music was by, it was just good, late night, real instruments with good rhythms, making me tap my feet, etc. I got up to go the bathroom, its a teeny tiny space with two urinals, and the tiny stall just past the urinals. Do my business, make sure both balls are still there, then turn to leave. But there's a guy at the urinal, who smiles and says "hey man" and I return the greeting as I pass by, wash up, and leave. Turns out to be one of the DJ's, the handsomer one. I kinda regret not saying more than "hey man" back, and I can't go talk to him now, cuz DJ's, bartenders, etc., are supposed to be nice to you, so if he's nice, I wont know if its professional nice, or nice guy nice, or interested nice. So I stay in my seat, continue enjoying the music, the vibe, the crowd getting thinner. I hear the bartender/manager say to the DJ's something about they can wrap it up, and some god-awful song, CONVOY, is played. I cant help laughing, but not in that "isn't this kitschy" laugh, but more in the "isn't this awful" laugh, then head back to the bathroom (I'm on beer #5 at this point.) When I come back, I see someone I know talking to the DJ's, so I say to him, but loud enough for them to hear "I guess they want us to leave, this is awful" and he smiles. A few minutes later, after they've packed, the guy I know asks them if they are boyfriends. The handsomer one (Urinal Guy) says nothing, and the other says, "Well, we are boys, and we are friends, but..." Again I think maybe I shoulda been friendlier in the bathroom. But a few seconds later, they are saying their goodbyes, and Urinal Guy says to me, as he reaches to shake my hand, "Hey we haven't met, thanks for coming, maybe you'll come back" I stammer something about "you said hello in the bathroom" he looks puzzled, smiles, and they both get going. Nice smile. Big Boy. Maybe I'll go back.

hungover.

5 pints of beer is a lot for 140-lb me. 3 aspirin, one orange juice, and on my second cup of coffee, the temptation to crawl back into bed is great. but I had fun; music was sometimes awful, but mostly decent, and sometimes amazing - and it was good to see a crowd of scruffy friendly guys. I've always enjoyed weeknight going out, so I must do it again soon.

• Currently listening to: Ali Farka Toure
  
• Currently hating: Gov. Mitt Romney (btw - who the hell voted for this guy? his name is Mitt? MITT?)
  
• Currently enjoying: cool postcard from PermaBulge in Rome; porno request emails from Idaho, France, Iowa, and other exotic places; internet service that hasn't died in the past 40 minutes
• Currently considering: breaking my fast and going out after work and drinking - where's the cheap beer (and men) in the East Village on tuesdays?

OK, due to my "connectivity issues" (no, that's not a euphemism for my inability to attract the interest of a single member of the gay male population of Lower Manhattan - I'm talking about my interent connection coming and going for a full week now), and what appears to be problems with my web hosting service (I love DREAMHOST, I hope this morning's problems were just temporary), I need to make this a quick one. Who wants free porno? Well, yeah, everyone does. Here's the deal: I'm trying to clear out more room once again, and have some duped gay porno tapes of varying quality that I just can't bare (bear?) to toss in the garbage. But they gotta go. So email if interested in grabbing a tape or two. So what's the catch? Besides expressing your undying love, desire, and admiration for my wit and intellect (can you tell I've only had coffee all day long?), you'll have to be an adult (21+) resident of the good ol' U S of A, send me your mailing address, and be patient with me using the cheaper Media Mail. Oh yeah, I also have some unsellable porno magazines, too. You know, torn or missing pages, or yucky twink-type hairless skinny types from Unzipped magazine or the like. I kept promising myself to learn decoupage and use the pics for cool art objects that I'd create, but hell, who am I kidding? I'm lazy and only interested in sticking things in my mouth, not in getting my hands full of paste and scissors.

As the words I need sex got typed here yesterday morning, of course that put the whammy on it. Oh well.

i need to get sex this weekend

call me Mr. Chairface

gulp. If he's face sitting, I don't need a silly test to tell me what I'm doing!

home movies are hard

I found this sorting thru some old videotapes - from back when I wanted to be a film maker (stop laughing)

I can' t imagine why you'd want to, but just in case - download and save for later here)

Name: Erik
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Gender: Male
Marital Status: Not married. 47 6'4.5" 205 musc
Hobbies & Interests: Getting and giving good old fashioned over the knee bare bottom spankings. Making young guys kick and cry as I spank their cute bottoms. No face pic - if u ask for one before reading this profile, you're lazy and deserve a spanking.

You'd think the problem I have with this profile is either the spanking thing, or the no face pic thing. Nope. I just wanna know why if you are over 6 feet tall, you gotta include that extra 1/2 inch? I mean, to those of us (nearly) 5'8", there is no difference between 6'4" and 6'5". You're really really tall, and I doubt I'd have to bend or kneel to lick your balls.

Bill Ward

Do not adjust your TV set. Still gay; still porno-crazed; still rambling; definately not straight - not even curious. BUT - I am selling these two Command Books which have some cool - if hard to look at cuz it's got all this nakedy woman-y stuff - Bill Ward illustrations. I was only familiar with his name cuz he did a comic for Drummer magazine - entitled DRUM. But apparently the guy's been doing his thing for decades! Seeing these, I never would have imagined he'd done "pin-up" style illustrations in the 50's - but here ya go - The Glamour Girls of Bill Ward. Funny, I was searching GOOGLE for the name "Bill Ward" but then narrowed my search to find the gay stuff - so I used "BILL WARD + DRUMMER" - not realizing there's some Black Sabbath guy with the same name. Scarier than the str8-sex-pics! Anyhoo --- here's more samples, and a pic of the artist himself.

Now that Andy lives under the Queensboro Bridge, I wonder if he'd like to borrow my troll cap?

grrrrrrrr! Ever have an internet/computer problem, call for help, wait on hold forever, you're on your 2nd technician and you hear the dreaded "I'm sorry there's nothing more I can do for you, you'll have to call Microsoft or Gateway," then the 15-year-old girl at Gateway informs you that you'll need your System Restoration CD so you can reinstall Wndows 98, but you'll lose everything on your computer?

Somehow I managed to find a phone number for a guy I knew a couple of years ago who helped me thru a similar crisis. He answered on the 2nd ring, and is such a tech-geek that he immediately was asking all the right questions with only a couple of seconds on the "how've you beens" But, alas, after 6 hours with no internet connection, and 2 hours of him toiling away at my P.C. yesterday afternoon, and what seemed like a big fix without the dreaded hours and hours of saving files - this morning I'm starting to see similar intermittant connectivity with my Road Runner internet connection. Rats! Something about my tcp IP stack being corrupt - and then I coudn't find this file - "secur32.dll" - this is the part that doesn't make sense. Ok, a file is corrupt, another one isn't found - why can't I just lift/copy the two from my Windows disc, and not have to erase my whole hard drive and start all over from scratch?

you can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick

This post from bentkid reminded me of my favorite George Carlin routine. I was a kid (11) when the album came out, and remember my parents buying the album, but only letting us listen to part of it. My older brother (15 or 16 at the time) begged and begged to hear the whole thing, and was allowed to take it into his room later that night only after swearing he wouldn't let the rest of us hear it. I was too good of a kid - it never occured to me to even try to get a hold of it until years later when I was in college. Here's the clip of Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.

unpleasant, uncouth, and tawdry

"Many of the photographs were of nude male models, usually posed with some object in front of their genitals . . .; a number were of nude or partially nude males with emphasis on their bare buttocks . . . . Although none of the pictures directly exposed the model's genitals, some showed his pubic hair and others suggested what appeared to be a semi-erect penis . . .; others showed male models reclining with their legs (and sometimes their arms as well) spread wide apart . . . . Many of the pictures showed models wearing only loin cloths, `V gowns,' or posing straps . . .; some showed the model apparently removing his clothing . . . . Two of the magazines had pictures of pairs of models posed together suggestively . . .

Each of the magazines contained photographs of models with swords or other long pointed objects . . . . The magazines also contained photographs of virtually nude models wearing only shoes, boots, helmets or leather jackets . . . . There were also pictures of models posed with chains or of one model beating another while a third held his face in his hands as if weeping....

Our own independent examination of the magazines leads us to conclude that the most that can be said of them is that they are dismally unpleasant, uncouth, and tawdry. But this is not enough to make them 'obscene.'"

What a job! Yup, another Friday night reading old Supreme Court cases on line. (Uncouth?? - wtf?) It's fun to sift thru these things, and then wonder about the stuff that's not in there. This one had a favorable decision, allowing the bare buttocks and barely covered genitals that were "deliberately planned .. (to) appeal to the male homosexual audience" to continue to be sent thru the U.S. mail, but most puzzling to me is that it's a 6-1 decision (remember, there are 9 seats on the Court). So what reason did Frankfurter and White have for not participating in this case? And what happened to the copies of MANual that were at issue here? (My money's on Byron "Whizzer" White)

BAT DUDE AND THROBBIN

"Cum Crazed Criminals!"

directed by: Ansel Rainier and Vincent DePaul (1989)
Starring: Beau Beaumont (Batdude), Kevin Young (Throbbin), Danny Bliss (bar pickup), Ken Bower (The Poker), Mitchell Cook (Alley Hangout), Eric Degiorgio (chained slave), Marc Peugeot (Sugar Kane), Robert Reyn (The Peeper), Frank Strong (The French Tickler) , Manuel Javier Gomez (Mountain Captive).

Oh gosh, what to say? It's hard to tell if Beau Beaumont is doing a great job being bad, or just plain bad. And then there's the age-old porn problem - letting the actors speak. The "Peeper" has such a thick accent, it definately adds to the fun.

Who wants to see a clip from Beau Beaumont's best movie - the 1989 "classic" BAT DUDE AND THROBIN?

(Yeah, I know I already did that in 2002, but most of you weren't reading this page back then; besides, it's an auction tie-in.)

I don't think I'd ever fall for a straight guy, but everytime I listen to one of the two Yo La Tengo CD's I have, I am so impressed by the guy's sweet, vulnerable singing, that I realize that it's possible. Of course, to keep the fantasy going, to allow me to have these thoughts each time I listen to their music, I have to make sure never to look for specific pictures, or even to find out the band member's name who whispers Tears Are In Your Eyes and Don't Have To Be So Sad. But some of the music is so intimate, so beautiful, that I can imagine this guy waking up beside me in bed, in the early morning hours before the sun comes up, seeing me awake, worried, insecure, and whispering sweet little reassurances.

scroll over my body

I should be doing other things, but a link from an AOL chat profile brought me to this guy's site with a cheesy mouseover thingee (sorry for being so technical). I suppose I am only making fun of him because he is self-described as "naturally masculine and sexy", - and it took years of post-graduate work for me to get my maculinity. Jealousy isn't pretty, is it?

I'm sure I'm not the first person who's been mindlessly trolling the AOL chatrooms with the TV on in the background, then turned abruptly to the TV when I thought I heard a M4M-sounding theme, to see it's only a slogan for a fast-food chain.

I've been trying to spare y'all the dozens of snapshots I've taken each day of the mourning doves nesting on my window sill - but this one is my current favorite - I took it yesterday morning before work. I can hear them flapping their wings, and I know they'll be gone soon. But I have to say it's one of the best ways to begin the spring, these two new cute little bits of life right outside my bedroom (not to mention the dedicated parents, who take turns chick-sitting, and who've returned to my window sill for the third year in a row so far.).