may I?

i've been "under the weather" all week, and, as is my usual indecisive self, not only can't figure out if it's genuine sickness (headache, bodyaches, sniffles - but all sorta off and on and not as bad as my usual summer colds) or is it in my head - all the same stuff still bothering me (ex-boy, boys, noboys, job, blah blah) and can't even decide about going to work today. feel like crap, but there's just a handful of important stuff that can't wait... yuck. I try to look on the bright side, but too often this week it's all "i hate my life" but as soon as that comes out, it feels too extreme, but i can't even say what i'd like my life to be like - just not what it is today. just all-around yuckiness. blah.

beardback

try not to think about the children's party happening right behind me....

AHHH, JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS - Saturday night watching C-Span

Mi firends, Im drnkiing

Souvenir De Chine

longtime readers may remember why I love this tune - it's part of the soundtrack of , and used for the movie trailer for, a great early 80's film, Michael Zen's Falconhead Two: THE MANEATERS. I should try to dig that clip up, eh?

Michael Braun (just listen to the way he says COCK-K)

The International Guide to the Fine Art of Fellatio

"They want it so bad, they look up at you like a cocker spaniel"

(1989) Starring: Michael Braun, Lon Flexx, T.J. Anderson, Eddy Crane; introducing Craig Anderson, Ted Cox, and Brian Travis

Click one of the pics to view the movie trailer (you know that if you view the clip in the browser, you can "right click" and view it FULL SCREEN, right?), or here if you want to download and save for later.

it's morning in america (with smiley face)

PartyguyNYC [8:43 AM]: i am a hot sub bottom
Bjland [8:47 AM]: cool
PartyguyNYC [8:47 AM]: do u pnp?
Bjland [8:47 AM]: naw
Bjland [8:47 AM]: its 8 in the morning!
PartyguyNYC [8:48 AM]: :-)

"All it takes is a token - and a whole lotta nerve!"

Subway

Director: Ian McGraw (1982)
Another from P M Productions, actually filmed in the New York City subway system, this film teases the viewer with the promise of casually dangerous public sex. The cruising on the trains rings true, of course, but the actual sex is in closed-off bathrooms and passageways - but still hot! Keith Anthoni, with those pouting eyes (and huge schlong), stars, plus Daniel Holt, Jeff Stone, Tharon Davis, Ashley DuBois and others.

Click one of the pics to view the movie trailer (you know that if you view the clip in the browser, you can "right click" and view it FULL SCREEN, right?), or here if you want to download and save for later.

Bruno's Screen Test

If you dig hairy, mature, thick-dicked men with facial hair, you'll love Bruno, one of my all-time favorites (I would be in heaven munching on his ass). Check out him showering in this screen test for COLT. I don't think Bruno's ever been in a movie where he speaks, just the old loops for COLT and Target (his Target films show up in the Bullet compilation videos). Go ahead, blast the music, no one will know you're watching gay porno from the 70's! Bonus points if you can identify the music.

Click one of the pics to view the movie trailer (you know that if you view the clip in the browser, you can "right click" and view it FULL SCREEN, right?), or here if you want to download and save for later.

did someone mention roger?

self-pity, pt 112

i'll spare you the 18-minute live version i am listening to now of Toot's i got dreams to remember (this is the 4-1/2 minute version, a must-listen-to song!) - but it's amazinglyfuckinincredible! starts off sooooo slow, but then when he gets growling, and shouting, and yelling, i am right with him..... but, I should be focusing on a rare day off, and getting off of here (computer) and out of here (tiny apartment) and out there (center of the universe, nyc), where the living (allegedly) are, right? Hey - shut up! I could be playing all 3 versions of there's a tear in my beer i was listening to earlier, ya know.

can i just say

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

i just wanted to have a coupla beers, look at men, imagine one or two might look at me, and f*ckin relax. plenty of nice lookin men, cheap beer, but still, it was a good two hours without even a hello to or from anyone. and a bar buddy approaches, and he says i look like i am "over it" - and honestly, I wasn't. I was actually getting to a point where I was pleasantly amusing myself just people-watching, and was no longer focused on receiving attention. You know how it is, you get to a point where it's not so much you've given up, but you change your focus. Tonight would be about just watching; see that hot guy over there - see that other handsome man over there? now that i have officially desired each of them, each on opposite sides of the room, how long before they get together? yup. one of those nights, fine. But then, then ----------- i run into some good friends. and there's hugging, and kisses, and silliness, and phewwwww. Then I see a really nice couple I like, and they are always fukin super nice to me, and I talk to them for awhile. and after awhile I spot another couple, also really nice, and go talk to them, and they are generously flirtatious, and i'm not even conscious about trying to have a nice time, i just am. and a buddy sees me with the flirtatious pair, and gives me a smile and knowing nod, and it's just fun and silly, and i'm not thinking i'm just being and it's fukin' nice.

and then i go get a bottle of water from the bar and turn my head and......... why is he here - GODDDDAMIT! and i plummet. well, I am not going into how i feel about this, cuz it just is, and now i am home, and i have a whole bunch of food i can shove into my face and pretend like that'll make me feel better, and the only, the ONLY good thing is that I am not just sad, or sad again, or sad still. I am sad, but i'm mad. i'm mad that i could be soaring and feeling nice and BOOOM it's gone. it pisses me off. and i'm not going to even think about how he might feel, cuz i've spent 4 months now worrying about that, and thinking that it is still my concern, and well, i am just gonna fukin pick up and move to montana and have a dental floss farm or something cuz.... oh, nevermind.

can i just say

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

the rain

Was listening to one of my favorite albums, Toots In Memphis , and figured I'd post a song or two. But, since it's an album of covers of classic 1970's Memphis soul, I thought it would be more interesting to pick one, and add the original, to see how well Toots Hibbert's amazing voice stands up to the original. Going with the rain theme from yesterday, Love The Rain seemed an ideal choice; his voice is soooo good! But who knew he had actually reworked it, and that the original was Ann Peeble's I Can't Stand The Rain. I had never heard her version, but became fascinated by Toots' decision to put a more positive light on his emotions - or maybe, as is the case with most good music, that's just my interpretation of his choice. Take a listen:

• Love The Rain
• I Can't Stand the Rain

The original lyrics are over here; and maybe it's just me, and my disposition, or recent events - but I just like the fact that Toots doesn't just reject being negative about his experience, as painful as it might be, but he chooses to embrace his life, and manages to find a way to see the value in something that may be over, but still means a lot to him.

(and by the way, while I should feel like - woah, how could I never have heard of Ms Peebles!! I must say, it's one of those fun sunday morning things on the internet, discovering something new (to me, anyway) and going hogwild looking shit up, and downloading stuff - here's perhaps her most famous tune - I'm Gonna Tear Your Playhouse Down)

fuzzy weather

UNDERGROUND

director: Peter de Rome; from the 1973 release, The Erotic Films of Peter de Rome

Peter de Rome's first public showing of one of his Super 8 films was at the First International Wet Dream Film Festival in Amsterdam, and he won Best Short for Hot Pants (in 1971 or '72). Soon after that he was introduced to Jack Deveau, who had just started his own production company, Hand In Hand Films, and was putting the finishing touches on his first feature-length film, Left-Handed. After seeing several of his films, Jack asked de Rome what he planned to do with them - de Rome replied "oh nothing - they were just made for fun." Deveau was sure that they could be successful commerically, and suggested blowing them up to 16mm, and putting the shorts together as something like The Erotic Films of Peter de Rome (which is how it was released in April of 1973, first shown at the Lincoln Art Theater on 57th St. in Manhattan). After offering to be de Rome's producer, they agreed on several of the shorts to include, and also decided to make two new ones to round out the collection. He decided to try a fantasy he had thought about frequently - cruising and having sex on the NYC subway. They did most of the cruising shots in the morning, during rush hour, and the sex scenes mostly later that same night, with the final fuck on the F train going to Queens. The most basic of plots - a young hippie-type boards a subway train, spots a clean-cut executive-type, smiles are exchanged, crotches are furtively rubbed, etc. The actors were apparently so into it, and each other, that they were oblivious to the doors opening at the West 4th St station, trousers at their ankles, going at it. This clip is most of the original film, but taken from the fantastic 1975 "documentary" Good Hot Stuff, which I think gives a pretty cool set-up at the onset.

Click one of the pics to view the movie trailer (you know that if you view the clip in the browser, you can "right click" and view it FULL SCREEN, right?), or here if you want to download and save for later.

fruit

as much as i need to overcome my neurotic fears, i also need to listen to myself, and one thing i've learned of late - no drinking two nights in a row! and definitely don't return to the same bar with the sucky sucky music from the previous nite! so i paid for it all day - completely lethargic, aimless, uninterested and uninteresting...... (look for that silver lining) - hmmmmm, oh yeah, i bought fresh, organic, locally grown fruit.

if i just stare at this machine, the next boyfriend will magically appear, right?

ok, i dont really think that will happen, but based on the amount of time i do spend here, you'd think that's what i thought. (but if it were possible, then i think the grim expression is key to making it happen) i did make myself get out of the house last night, bike ride west, and after much pacing and up the stairs and down the stairs and leaning and staring and glaring and, goddamn the music sucked - like nonstop sucky music, which really sucks when there's not much to distract you from the sucky music. did i mention i didn't like the music - cuz it really sucked .....anyhoo, eventually there was distraction, which was nice, and he looked and felt better than he had looked all those times we passed without speaking or stopping, but there was a moment, a not unexpected moment, but still, a moment where my thoughts trailed off to the ex, and a slight panic, and sadness, that I couldn't remember his voice. i dont know why this happened, or why it became so important, and as i could feel my facial expression change to match my mood, i turned kinda out of out his direct eyesight, and forced myself out of the mood that i was sinking into, at least enough to reconnect, and show that i was glad that this generous man was being kind to me, and i made a point to make direct eyecontact again, and could see something, maybe his own sadness about some such thing in his own life, and i at least felt less alone, and we both seemed to smile again at the same moment, and i got my reminder about why its important for me to get out, and take these mini risks...... even if the music really really sucks - like totally, totally sucks, ya know?

now completely unrelated, but not really, but yes, unrelated. sometimes sitting in front of this thing isnt so bad, if i just remember to keep the tunes rolling..... a fave for sort of doing chores, or just something a bit more background-like is AIR's Premiers Symptomes - apparently a collection of early singles, I guess. It's just this wonderfully pleasant music, and then the last track on the album just kicks it up a bunch of notches - Brakes On, and you are just forced up out of your chair to dance in your underwear, ya know?

(video OOP)

I heart Keith Anthoni

CATCHING UP

"Now you're talking like a fag." "What should I talk like, a Marine?"

director: Tom DeSimone (1975)
Starring: Keith Anthoni (his first film), Jayson MacBride, John Farrel, Dave Daniels, Tim Christy , Scott Heith, Paul Strand, and Bob Perry

Now don't start pulling your wieners out, this clip has no sex. But, it's a great example of what made me love the films from Hand In Hand - the bits about gay life that I wouldn't have had any other way of finding out about in 1979 when I first started going to the porno theatre. Keith's just been told by his lover that they shouldn't be monogamous; not happy about it, Keith immediately makes a date with the waiter (Jayson MacBride - misspelled in this film as McBride) before leaving the lover at the table! Keith then enjoys sex with MacBride, men in a porno theatre, guys in personnel ads, etc., before his lover wishes he hadn't asked for the open relationship.

Click one of the pics to view the movie trailer (you know that if you view the clip in the browser, you can "right click" and view it FULL SCREEN, right?), or here if you want to download and save for later.

placeholder

$$$

after about an hour of him pulling what he wanted, and me trying not to look like I was looking at his buttcrack and that hairy spot above it as he bent over to get to the bottom shelf, he produced a fistful of money. Yeah!

he had sat there, in front of the two rows of vinyl, quickly but thoroughly looking at each, occasionally pausing in some sort of awe ("Big Audio Dynamite, on Def-Jam??!"), (Yes, that's Fred Schnieder's The Shake Society, which he didn't take - no accounting for taste, eh?)

Anthropology 101

Boys of Riverside Drive

"Tricking - remember that word, it will be on the quiz"

director: Jack Deveau

Who knew Tony did voiceovers for 1970's porno flicks?

Click one of the pics to view the movie trailer (you know that if you view the clip in the browser, you can "right click" and view it FULL SCREEN, right?), or here if you want to download and save for later.