early morning tears......

coffee was brewing, I turn the computer on, checking email, etc. Non-chalantly go into a chat room, i see screenname "MISSING WTC" - hoping it wasn't an awful joke, I looked at the profile, and the pic.......his lover of 7 years has been missing, working that day in one of the Towers, the pic, of course, was beautiful. And I don't mean handsome, attractive type beautiful, but a clear portrait of a man smiling, directly at me (into the camera, of course, not me), with a nice suit on, for some unknown occasion, perhaps just to have his picture taken.

I wanted to get out of the house earlier today, hoping that the city would be quieter on a Sunday, and I could get some exercise, as well as take a quick tour of the neighborhood. Only a few yards down the block, I see an impromptu memorial, on the 5th st side of the all-night laundry - posters, candles, signs, mostly clearly by children .....nobody there, but most of the candles still burning.

Next I headed up to Union Square. I had gone by yesterday afternoon, having heard there was a drop-off center for donations, but suspecting it could be quite crazy there, I wanted to find the spot, then figure out what, if anything, to return with. And yes, yesterday afternoon it was mobbed - too much for me to deal with, so I did a brief ride around the area just to see if I could figure out where this drop-off center might be. Huge numbers of people, I could see some of the missing person flyers on walls, and huge TV trucks with those large white satellite dishes. So, today, around 10 am, it was much calmer, still a large number of people, but quite manageable. Huge areas with candles, flyers, drawings, much in crayon and scrawled; I saw no drop off center of any type, and had heard that the relief agencies had said "enough - we have more than we can handle right now"..... as I started to get back on my bike, and leave, I saw a Dad and 2 kids, perhaps aged 5 and 7, carrying a grocery bag each, one filled with face masks, one filled with work gloves, obviously having read similar stuff as me about what the rescue workers might need.... funny how amongst all this, one little thing hits you hard, these adorable kids trying to do their part......

riding west on 14th st, as I got near 6th avenue, the traffic was backed up, but on a bike, I was able to maneuver forward, but slower, and as I got to the Salvation Army, I could see what they meant - trucks unloading, workers handing boxes to the next worker, as I approached this huge mountain of boxed goods - not stacked, just tossed high, really really high........ I continued west to the West Side Hwy, police blockades directing the light traffic, parked police and rescue vehicles..... heading south on the bike path on the Hudson, some joggers, some hand-painted signs of support, American Flags, yellow ribbons, hung on the construction fences here. Further down, closer to Christopher St, dozens of big trucks parked, with huge white satelite dishes, various TV logos from stations I've never heard of. Closer still, sporadic reporters talking in languages I couldn't quite identify, using the smoldering downtown sky as a backdrop..........

time to go home, make those calls to friends I'd made tentative plans with..... I went thru my park, Thompkins Square, for my routine circle around the dog run looking for cute boys ( several there, of course, including one, swarthy handsome man, I think is a local blogger, but I don't know him.....) continued past there, to the middle of the park where the groupings of candles had grown much bigger since Thursday night....... and again, not many actual people there, but hundreds of candles burning, not just the ones protected by the glass containers they were in, but wind-blown flames still burning strong......

down Avenue A, past another memorial set up against the power station bewteen 5th and 6th, I picked up the Sunday Times, and walked my bike past this one, it's small, "manageable" for my already fatigued psyche. No one there, but some hand-written well-wishes, posters, maybe 2 dozen candles, and again, mostly lit, with some xeroxed art pics of peace symbols, that Michaelangelo/Vatican two fingers touching thing, and amongst the few missing persons flyers, the same one as I had seen in the NYCHA housing project friday afternoon, the missing cousin of the mother and daughter I watched put up their solitary flyer next to the elevator there, Umberto, born in 1959, worked at Windows on the World, phone numbers of his wife, mother, and cousin written under his picture, and I can't remember any more..........