my beautiful city............

i am rolling some weed now, wanting to numb the numbness........earlier, a good pal came over, having walked all the way from midtown to my apt. on e 5th st; i made dinner, he hadn't seen tv all day, and wanted to watch... we watched bush, we watched hatch, we watched brokaw....another pal came over, we had more rolling rock. each of us had different experiences thru the day, but didnt talk much about them. i've know each of them for more than 12 years, my best friends, and we just needed to be. one left around 11, the other left at 11:30, i walked with him, and my bike, up to 14th st. Ambulances or other emergency vehicles quickly passed, but no sirens, just lights, and no other vehicles were on the road. After kissing Phil goodbye, and expressing vaguely but clearly our love for each other, I headed over for another beer at the Phoenix. Fairly unpopulated, of course, with no cabs, buses, or subways; just a few locals who needed to be out. I left, ran into another friend, and he talked me into going back and having a beer. Then the Cock, which was also fairly deserted. Soon, we said godnite, and I headed downtown, presumably home, pedalling slowly, trying to make sense of the still, clear night and the tears that kept coming back.......

i didn't make that turn east on 6th, but kept going south, to Houston, where the police barricades meant I could only go west at that point. Approaching Broadway, I waited with a few pedestrians for a parade of yellow emergency vehicles to pass, continued west until I found myself on a small West Village street, stopping needlessly at a red light. As I continued on, I could hear a saxophone play as I spotted a man standing on the corner; our eyes met, and I stopped. He explained that he was waiting for his brother-in-law, who had worked all day downtown helping out. He wanted to give him some food, and a place to relax. Briefly glancing over at the man on the curb playing the saxophone, he continued, saying he's lived here all his life, and god, he hadn't heard form all his relatives yet. Simultaneously, we both pointed up at the dangling, fragile, yet amazingly brilliant, crescent moon that hung in the sky. Neither of us said anything for a bit, I guess we both just needed to share something beautiful with a fellow new yorker............

I continued all the way to the west side highway, and could see still-dusty clouds rising behind building silhouettes, as emergency vehicle lights spun near me, and spot lights illuminated the smoke where they must've been continuing their horrendous work. Not wanting to stare off into that, I headed back east, watching the crescent above guiding me back home, this place I love, this place I could never leave. My thick bike wheels hugged the streets I've ridden hundreds of times in the past 18 years, as I returned to the lower east side, checking and looking upon the familiar, small area I trek through all the time, somehow needing to refamiliarize myself with it . Millions of thoughts popping in and out of my head, and yet nothing as strong as this is my home, i will never, ever, leave it