X marks the spot

weird week.

after 2 years of not talking, seeing each other, or anything, I've bumped into my X 3 times in one week! All at the same bar, 2 of the nites were Fridays when i would never go there. The 3rd time was still awkward, and at one point, with no conversation going, he and his buddy moved clear across the bar. But later, bumping into him in the bathroom, we smiled, I mussed up his hair (he hates that) and talked a bit more, but nothing "serious". Later, with my pal Mark, Mark says "is that him, is that him?" gesturing over to the X. Yup. Mark sez: "oh, NOW I get it!" Gosh, at first, I felt sorta affirmed. Like, yeah, great guy, sure it was a big loss, no wonder I've been a wreck for 2 years. But, watching the X vaguely cruising this one and that one, and realizing that my best friend had NEVER met him, in a span of time of 1-1/2 years, my thoughts grew pretty heavy. (granted, Mark was busy hibernating with his own handsome bf, but still...) I thought, what the hell was that relationship? We barely ever met or socialized with either of the other's friends. And the break-up (dumping, excuse me, I WAS DUMPED!!!) happened only 4 days after I met, and spent the day with, 2 of his very nice, cool sisters. So, sitting there, gracefully accepting a beer from the X (hey, I'm unemployed, and no real income, and rarely been too proud for free beer), he and Mark start to play pool. Gosh, how ironic. It really wasn't that bad. But, in a way, it was like I had envisioned a future with him - him playing pool with my buddies; he and I spending the holdiays together, my family falling for him cuz he's a great guy...you get the idea....

So, it'll be tough, but it's gotta happen. For whatever reason, reasons I will never really comprehend or probably NOT want to comprehend, it just didn't last, and, well, gotta get used to the idea that nothing that great, that great feeling, will not return. But there will be other great feelings, with friends, with maybe even another hot hairy man. I will forever miss the sleeping together, his arm firmly wrapped around me, his tender touch, his snoring, his excitability about the littlest and the biggest things, music we both dug, hopping in a cab after buying a bag of Thai food and rushing over the East River to spend the evening together.....

but I can't imagine NOT having gone through it; it only hurts cuz it was good, and I miss it.

but, the COCK will have its backroom open tonight, and i havent spooged in public in a whole week, so.....