bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings

Wednesday, June 25, 2008
which one is the eBay auction?

I thought I had something to say, but i got lost somewhere picking out the pics and deciphering my feelings on this wednesday morning. life and its events just seem to be out of control. and not in any huge totally scarey way, just things seem to keep coming up to interrupt whatever it is I've planned for the day, or even the next few hours. I should be on my way to work - but I screwed up a doctor's appointment which I thought was tomorrow, and it's today. a long overdue check-up, so why does it bother me? cuz i wasn't mentally prepared for it, and was getting anxious and agitated for other reasons, and now I have to get anxious and agitated about my health (and my non-mental health is just fine). Sunday, which is where the cropped pic of me is from, was a good day. and yet it wasn't. there were moments when it was quite fun, like when a buddy agreed to pose in that pic above (not sure he wants his face plastered on the internet, so he's cropped out for only that reason), but there were long stretches of isolation and loneliness while wandering around that crowd on West 28th street. a lot of calming myself with "relax, stay put, dont run away, lonliness and anxiety might just pass and you'd rather be near friends or looking at handsome faces than in your little tiny room staring at a computer screen, right?" sigh. I hate when i make a good argument, and still don't buy it.