Saturday, August 30, 2008

i know, it's only the East River, but.....

If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters.......

Thursday, August 28, 2008

yup, still here
anyone know who that speaker on Monday night was (C-SPAN - earlier in evening) kept referring to Obama as Barack-o-Rama? i was shouting and laughing at the tv simultaneously; but looks like i was only one who noticed this.

I've been glued each night since i've gotten home to C-Span (those cable networks promising "gavel-to-gavel coverage" are soooo full of crap! "news"commentators yapping away while somewhere in the background people are talking on a podium is NOT coverage!) but i digress. so i'm a political junkie, and good thing. gives me a few hours each night to get lost in the larger world, and out of my own head.

my own head? still giving me trouble, but I'm kinda accepting that. the man i pay to listen to me threw out "a year, it'll be a good year" before i begin to really get over/past this break up. i kinda knew that, and this confirmation, while it's somewhat bothersome, at the same time it helps me to not get so impatient with myself, and my everymorning sadness. it's gonna be there, it's common, it's part of the process. yuck - but there's no shortcuts, so breathe, and be patient with yourself - this is what i gotta tell myself each day (actually several times a day).

perhaps the weekend will bring some more porno back to this space

Thursday, August 21, 2008

"....keeps them in prison, until they are capable of loving someone other than themselves..."

Falconhead Two: THE MANEATERS

directed by: Michael Zen (1983)

Starring: Paul Barresi, Rick Taylor, and introducing Blake Palmer; with Brad Mason, Paul Monroe, Steve Collins, Danny Combs, Vito Bonetti, and David Jones; The Transvestites: Sabato, Monica, The Garage Girls; Voices: Christian Black, David Samuels, Lawrence Deo

Well folks, I dug out the old clip, and it wasn't recorded well, with blips and pauses and crap, so I had to really dig to find the ol preview tape, and here ya go. I have to say, this makes me sad (yeah, I know, everything makes me sad, don't it?) but sad is probably the wrong word - pensive, thoughtful (full of thought, not "considerate" thoughtful) but the music, it frames this as the memory of sex; which isn't always bad, i guess. like when you're lying in bed after that guy you met last night, the guy who's just visiting NY and you both figured "what the heck" and you just go for it - passionate, no worries about too much or too little, nothing to lose, just giggling and licking and not worrying about top or bottom or am i too kinky or too vanilla - cuz in 12 hours, he's gone, out of town, and so give it all you got and don't worry. And then he's gone. and you're alone, and it went well, and you wonder, "what if" - and you smoke a cigarette, or joint, or sip coffee, and wonder.... and romanticize the relationship you coulda had..... It's stoopid, cuz you know better; none of the real stuff happens in the first night, or the first few weeks or months, even - it's later that counts, and tests you, and him. but even knowing this, you still romanticize, just give me that chance again, and this time i'll behave - i'll be patient, and thoughtful, and also not let shit build up, and get put off - no more we can deal with that later mindset - ya know? and you miss him.

oh, and the movie? I think it's fantastic, and guess what, you can't find the complete film anymore, cuz sometime in the late 80's in got cut, and a coupla years back, when it finally got transferred to DVD, it's missing somewhere between 10-20 minutes. SHEEEEESH! And the scene with servant Brad Mason turning the tables on his boss Steve Collins and f**king him, condomless (it's 1983), but Collins is completely wrapped in saran wrap - soooo cool! and missing from the DVD! It's only a short coupla minutes, but still! A bit more the last time I posted the clip is here - Falconhead Two: THE MANEATERS.

Click one of the pics to view the movie trailer (you know that if you view the clip in the browser, you can "right click" and view it FULL SCREEN, right?), or here if you want to download and save for later.

may I?

i've been "under the weather" all week, and, as is my usual indecisive self, not only can't figure out if it's genuine sickness (headache, bodyaches, sniffles - but all sorta off and on and not as bad as my usual summer colds) or is it in my head - all the same stuff still bothering me (ex-boy, boys, noboys, job, blah blah) and can't even decide about going to work today. feel like crap, but there's just a handful of important stuff that can't wait... yuck. I try to look on the bright side, but too often this week it's all "i hate my life" but as soon as that comes out, it feels too extreme, but i can't even say what i'd like my life to be like - just not what it is today. just all-around yuckiness. blah.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


try not to think about the children's party happening right behind me....

Saturday, August 16, 2008

AHHH, JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS - Saturday night watching C-Span
Mi firends, Im drnkiing

Souvenir De Chine

longtime readers may remember why I love this tune - it's part of the soundtrack of , and used for the movie trailer for, a great early 80's film, Michael Zen's Falconhead Two: THE MANEATERS. I should try to dig that clip up, eh?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Michael Braun (just listen to the way he says COCK-K)
The International Guide to the Fine Art of Fellatio

"They want it so bad, they look up at you like a cocker spaniel"

(1989) Starring: Michael Braun, Lon Flexx, T.J. Anderson, Eddy Crane; introducing Craig Anderson, Ted Cox, and Brian Travis

Click one of the pics to view the movie trailer (you know that if you view the clip in the browser, you can "right click" and view it FULL SCREEN, right?), or here if you want to download and save for later.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

it's morning in america (with smiley face)
PartyguyNYC [8:43 AM]: i am a hot sub bottom
Bjland [8:47 AM]: cool
PartyguyNYC [8:47 AM]: do u pnp?
Bjland [8:47 AM]: naw
Bjland [8:47 AM]: its 8 in the morning!
PartyguyNYC [8:48 AM]: :-)

Friday, August 08, 2008

"All it takes is a token - and a whole lotta nerve!"

Director: Ian McGraw (1982)
Another from P M Productions, actually filmed in the New York City subway system, this film teases the viewer with the promise of casually dangerous public sex. The cruising on the trains rings true, of course, but the actual sex is in closed-off bathrooms and passageways - but still hot! Keith Anthoni, with those pouting eyes (and huge schlong), stars, plus Daniel Holt, Jeff Stone, Tharon Davis, Ashley DuBois and others.

Click one of the pics to view the movie trailer (you know that if you view the clip in the browser, you can "right click" and view it FULL SCREEN, right?), or here if you want to download and save for later.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Bruno's Screen Test

If you dig hairy, mature, thick-dicked men with facial hair, you'll love Bruno, one of my all-time favorites (I would be in heaven munching on his ass). Check out him showering in this screen test for COLT. I don't think Bruno's ever been in a movie where he speaks, just the old loops for COLT and Target (his Target films show up in the Bullet compilation videos). Go ahead, blast the music, no one will know you're watching gay porno from the 70's! Bonus points if you can identify the music.

Click one of the pics to view the movie trailer (you know that if you view the clip in the browser, you can "right click" and view it FULL SCREEN, right?), or here if you want to download and save for later.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

did someone mention roger?

Monday, August 04, 2008

self-pity, pt 112
i'll spare you the 18-minute live version i am listening to now of Toot's i got dreams to remember (this is the 4-1/2 minute version, a must-listen-to song!) - but it's amazinglyfuckinincredible! starts off sooooo slow, but then when he gets growling, and shouting, and yelling, i am right with him..... but, I should be focusing on a rare day off, and getting off of here (computer) and out of here (tiny apartment) and out there (center of the universe, nyc), where the living (allegedly) are, right? Hey - shut up! I could be playing all 3 versions of there's a tear in my beer i was listening to earlier, ya know.
can i just say


i just wanted to have a coupla beers, look at men, imagine one or two might look at me, and f*ckin relax. plenty of nice lookin men, cheap beer, but still, it was a good two hours without even a hello to or from anyone. and a bar buddy approaches, and he says i look like i am "over it" - and honestly, I wasn't. I was actually getting to a point where I was pleasantly amusing myself just people-watching, and was no longer focused on receiving attention. You know how it is, you get to a point where it's not so much you've given up, but you change your focus. Tonight would be about just watching; see that hot guy over there - see that other handsome man over there? now that i have officially desired each of them, each on opposite sides of the room, how long before they get together? yup. one of those nights, fine. But then, then ----------- i run into some good friends. and there's hugging, and kisses, and silliness, and phewwwww. Then I see a really nice couple I like, and they are always fukin super nice to me, and I talk to them for awhile. and after awhile I spot another couple, also really nice, and go talk to them, and they are generously flirtatious, and i'm not even conscious about trying to have a nice time, i just am. and a buddy sees me with the flirtatious pair, and gives me a smile and knowing nod, and it's just fun and silly, and i'm not thinking i'm just being and it's fukin' nice.

and then i go get a bottle of water from the bar and turn my head and......... why is he here - GODDDDAMIT! and i plummet. well, I am not going into how i feel about this, cuz it just is, and now i am home, and i have a whole bunch of food i can shove into my face and pretend like that'll make me feel better, and the only, the ONLY good thing is that I am not just sad, or sad again, or sad still. I am sad, but i'm mad. i'm mad that i could be soaring and feeling nice and BOOOM it's gone. it pisses me off. and i'm not going to even think about how he might feel, cuz i've spent 4 months now worrying about that, and thinking that it is still my concern, and well, i am just gonna fukin pick up and move to montana and have a dental floss farm or something cuz.... oh, nevermind.

can i just say


Sunday, August 03, 2008

the rain
Was listening to one of my favorite albums, Toots In Memphis , and figured I'd post a song or two. But, since it's an album of covers of classic 1970's Memphis soul, I thought it would be more interesting to pick one, and add the original, to see how well Toots Hibbert's amazing voice stands up to the original. Going with the rain theme from yesterday, Love The Rain seemed an ideal choice; his voice is soooo good! But who knew he had actually reworked it, and that the original was Ann Peeble's I Can't Stand The Rain. I had never heard her version, but became fascinated by Toots' decision to put a more positive light on his emotions - or maybe, as is the case with most good music, that's just my interpretation of his choice. Take a listen:

The original lyrics are over here; and maybe it's just me, and my disposition, or recent events - but I just like the fact that Toots doesn't just reject being negative about his experience, as painful as it might be, but he chooses to embrace his life, and manages to find a way to see the value in something that may be over, but still means a lot to him.

(and by the way, while I should feel like - woah, how could I never have heard of Ms Peebles!! I must say, it's one of those fun sunday morning things on the internet, discovering something new (to me, anyway) and going hogwild looking shit up, and downloading stuff - here's perhaps her most famous tune - I'm Gonna Tear Your Playhouse Down)

Saturday, August 02, 2008

fuzzy weather