3 years. 3 years and I've only ever seen or talked to him in that bar. Funny, early on, I would avoid most of the neighborhood bars on the weekends, knowing I didn't want to merely bump into him, and deal with all that awkwardness of having stuff to say, but wrong place to say it. Earlier today, I was realizing that I don't even spend much time with friends, let alone potential boyfriends, here in my home. I miss that. I miss being here where it's comfy, and nice, and I can make food, and play music, and laugh and share with people I like. Where did that go? I few months back I had a glimpse of that with someone, and when I got too into it, it was over before it really started. Sometimes that makes me very sad. Sometimes I look back at it and think "hey, you still got it in you, just be patient" - just be really fucking goddamn patient.
Saturday, August 31, 2002
Friday, August 30, 2002
Thursday, August 29, 2002
If you don't have anything nice to say....Well, I didn't ask for feedback on the vidclip, so I should be happy that the one solitary comment was good, eh? Think I'll go back to the free stuff giveaway this weekend to get the much-needed attention from strangers. Meanwhile, not being able to sleep at 5 a.m., the rain gently hitting the window panes, thinking about that moment in the William Hurt film I was watching only an hour or two ago where he looks up at Holly Hunter with this certain expression of love, or awe, or affection, and it hit me hard, somehow. Was reminiscent of this look on my boyfriend's face over 3 years ago, when he asked me to take off my glasses as I was lying in this very bed and to just stay there so he could gaze at me in my boxers. He had been away for several days, a family funeral, and he just wanted to look at me, and somehow I felt so beautiful for those long minutes as he just slowly looked at my body, his eyes full of some emotion he had never expressed until that moment, and never actually said aloud. I was overwhelmed, quite frankly, and while normally quite nervous or apprehensive at such a moment, I allowed him the chance to look, and have his own thoughts, without interruption, or question, and after awhile he moved from the foot of the bed, and his warm body joined mine, and I hadn't ever thought our love-making could ever be that good, but it was.
Little did I know that that was the "peak", that while he seemed to be getting closer, in fact he was moving away from me, and I'll never know if the closeness scared him, the vulnerability of needing me, or the realization that my feelings for him were so intense and perhaps he knew his own would never match mine. Only 2 or 3 weeks passed before he was suddenly gone from my life, his decision made, one he felt no need to explain, just that it wasn't working for him, and that was that. The greif I felt seemed almost as immense as when my father died, this sudden and unexplained loss that I tried to minimize by thinking that at least it was only my loss, that he was still around to pursue whatever it was he needed to pursue. Even today I could name a million reasons why he would never make a good partner for me, and even today, I am saddened by the realization that I may never want to be a part of someone's life so much as I did back then, despite all those reasons. I have no idea why I fell for him; certainly he was very good-looking, and I looked forward to sleeping with him - but I mean sleeping, the comfort I felt from his snoring, his arm firmly wrapped around my shoulder as my head was pressed into his chest; the faint aroma in my sheets after he left for work, and I spent an hour or two drifting back into sleep; watching something on the Discovery Channel together after I brought Thai food by cab from Manhattan over the 59th St bridge to his apartment; watching his head nod back and forth approvingly when I blasted my Garbage CD single remixes; him telling me a week before the break-up that he felt like a lemur, clinging to me, and me not knowing that he thought that was a bad thing; going to the Bronx Zoo with his sisters and he only 4 days before he broke it off, thinking this was a good sign, I was meeting the family; me crying uncontrollably to my brother that day on the phone, the day that nothing else mattered, that the whole world came crashing in......
and the rain continues outside, my life drifts, I am re-arranging my apartment back to what it looked like 3 years ago, when i had a roommate, and a job, and a boyfriend, and the bed is back in this room, in that spot where I would wake up, and make coffee, and bring it to his barely-awake but smiling face, and nothing else mattered to me but that smile.
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
No, I'm not a Porno King, I just play one on the internet
I used to get mail like this every couple of weeks, or months, but this week, one each day?
Date: Mon, 26 Aug 2002 8:08:27 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: Michael B**** Bemail@example.com
my dream in life is to be a porn-cameraman. can you help?
Date: Tue, 27 Aug 2002 4:01:26 AM Eastern Daylight Time
I am a very clean, HIV Negative male from Dallas, Texas. Someone is always telling me that I am very sexy, handsome and the noticeable cute. The adult film industry was brought to my attention about 1 year ago and it has crossed my mind endlessly. I would like to be in an adult gay porno. I am very very interested, you have no idea.
This answer took a lot of thinking about, seriously. I would really like to know who is it I can speak with about such an endeavor. I am sooooooo serious.
If you can give me some names and numbers of some companies who are looking for new hot men I would be greatly appreciative. I don't know where to start so I thought about asking you.
Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002 12:34:49 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: Y*** F*****
i'm interested in becoming a porno actor but don't know how to get started or whom to talk to. 20 yr old male from white plains ny.
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Let's see if I can do this quickly, a bit of background as the video loads. Way way back at the beginning of this century, I was growing tired of my job (disgusted with my bosses, to be somewhat more exact). I started to sell off part of my dinnerware and pottery collection on eBay as a way of stuffing my savings account so I could quit my job and spend a few months screwing around, thinking about life, my life, and "what's next". I discovered the underwear selling phenomenon, and thought, "shit, I could do better" - obviously not that I would have a better body than most of the guys, but that I could maybe take some more interesting photographs, and yes, the hairyguy thing seemed to be rare on eBay (as elsewhere). After I seemed to get some good responses, not lots of money, but some extra cash and some folks who seemed to like my style, I tried variations, like the beard-selling I've mentioned, a bar of soap (something original titled "DON'T DROP THE SOAP"), a pillow case, lots more underwear, and even a small photo album perfect for bedside or glove-compartment. And I started to get requests for a video. Which I would never ever ever do, no way. But I always say no as a gut reaction to anything new; but I started thinking, hmmmmmm, might be fun, and I might learn some stuff.
First video cleverly titled BJ'S FIRST VIDEO actually sold about 15-20 copies on eBay in the summer of 2000. But I wasn't too happy with it, a simple jerk-off in a chair, some showering, and the rather awkward attempt to conceal my face just wasn't very good, in my mind. So I immediately started on my second, BJ DOES IT AGAIN. Which, in all modesty, 2 years later, I still think is pretty good. A rather vague and laughable "plot" implying some sort of voyeur poking around my fire escape, watching me in the shower, in bed, etc., finally breaking in, stealing my vintage porn collection, holding it ransom until I do a "hot personal video" for him. Of course, there's a few Bjork tunes, and some VCR background with some classic Joe Gage footage, and I thought it was kinda neat. Obviously, for the buyer, you'd have to want to see me whacking several times (6, 7?) over the course of 90 minutes, and hope the other stuff (filler) wasn't too boring (but i will tell you the last 15 minutes is fun, and hot - hehe - there, I said it!). I managed to sell well over 50 copies (yes I have a notebook somewhere with the exact count), and the guys who wrote gave varying levels of praise (the others, silent for various reasons - certainly some didn't care for it). While I was working on that, a few guys asked for watersports, or just watching me pee, which wasn't my thing, but I was intrigued by the idea (how the hell do I make a solo pee look interesting??) And I put a 2-minute teaser in Does It Again. Fall of 2000, as eBay was preparing to really crack down on the adult section (less pics, no underwear, no amatuer videos) I quickly put together my 3rd (and final?) video, BJ GETS WET. It was more than peeing, but some shower stuff, bathtub, and I think it was rather amusing ( like I actually pissed on a tiny TV playing a clip of the shower scene from Does It Again, for example).
I'm sure you are already asleep, but the vid clip has probably loaded. For those of you still reading, or reading this 2 days after posted and the clip is already gone, let me continue. I've got a ton of footage for what was supposed to be my fourth video, UNDERWEAR STORIES, which wasn't much more than the same whacking off, but in various kinds of underwear. But somehow, with all the footage, it just never jelled for me, never seemed to come together as anything cohesive. Probably seems stupid to outsiders, or to the handful still interested in seeing me on tape thumping on my wanger, but, in all honesty, the primary reason for doing any of it was for my own satisfaction - not merely the "high" of having strange men buy, and enjoy, and whack off along (which is, frankly, quite a high!), but it had to interest me, dare I say it, "artistically."
So, that's the really really long way of saying that this clip is part of what was supposed to be the fourth tape in the BJ series. I wanted to see if I could capture on camera me cutting my hair, in the time it took to play one single song, and without any ability to edit, it had to be one take. I set up some mirrors (visitors to BJLAND have often wondered why I've got so many mirrors around, it's all for ART, goddamnit!), the camera, a video monitor, the clippers, the stereo, did a couple quick checks for lighting, etc, and TA DA!! - BJ'S HAIRCUT.
p.s. - really, the clip is silly, rather boring, and you mostly just see my hairy back, and maybe a quick bit of frontal nudity, so lower those expectations..........
I think this is what's called a "teaser". I am trying to convert a HI-8 video clip to AVI then to WMV, and it's just some silly shit; I think it's my first time giving myself a haircut. So, between working on that, negotiating for sex later with an out-of-towner (and that's just getting too complicated, he has meetings, drinks with clients, ugh), and trying to meet up with a buddy to exchange some porno tapes I promised him maybe 2 long months ago, it's looking like a busy day off.
But, when I think back that only one week ago, I needed a job and a roommate, and now I have both, things are going pretty well for me. Both situations don't quite add up to fill in the money gap, but it's certainly a lot better than where I was at, so let me hit the showers, and get that video clip up sometime later this afternoon. (Well, you know me, this afternoon, this evening, 3 am., something like that)
Monday, August 26, 2002
it's not meant to be a strife
it's not meant to be a struggle uphill
you're trying too hard
give yourself in
you're trying too hard :
y o u ' r e t r y i n g t o o h a r d
during one of the recent insomniacal nights, I found this apparently live version of Undo which is quite fantastic - very high quality recording, and the choir is, well, forgive the overused term - angelic. It's definately a Bjork day today.
rejection from a straight boyHe seemed nice. I was rather surprised that hours after he left, I kept thinking, "he's the one, he's the one" It was quite puzzling, and I tried my best to think through all the "downsides" - what if he has a bunch of crazy guy friends; egad if he ever got a girlfriend, could I deal with that? will I still be comfy in having my "casual friends" over? And then I had to think why, why did he seem like the one? Was it just because he fixed my monitor's screen display and seemed to know a bit about gadgets and computers? Was it the novelty factor - ooh look, I have a str8 boy!!? But after relaxing for awhile, I started to comparre him to the others, and he just seemed to fit. He was very comfy in the apartment, exploring, poking around, fixing the computer, checking out the view and then settling in the kitchen to talk about all the roommate stuff. And yes, something about his eyes said "please, I want a good home, can't you please help me?"
So I made the call, he picked up immediately, but sounded funny once I identified myself. "Not enough light, kinda small, I hate looking for a place with strangers...... can I get back to you in 6 hours?" I agreed, and by the time I got home from work, there it was, that red flashing light on the answering machine, rejection.
Sunday, August 25, 2002
menialAfter thinking about that word for the past few days, it's not really an accurate description of the new job. Well, in one sense it is, since menial apparently has something to do with domestic servitude; the definition mentions "servile" - but that seems a bit too harsh a description, as I am not slavishly submissive (not at work anyway), I simply take take-out orders for a restaurant. And the "degrading" part of this definition is way off, as the job itself is pretty straight-forward - take an order, take some cash, hand over some food; and the co-workers are fantastic, quite honestly. Very patient, ready to jump in and help at the slighest sigh, and for those first 3 days, always checking that I'm doing okay, and reassuring me that I am doing just fine.
The other new thing is getting ready for a roommate. Had 5 interviews last night. Two I am pretty sure I've narrowed it down to; one I couldn't live with as he is HOT HOT HOT! (hunky, incredible can't-take-your-eyes-off face) and the other two, well, just not a good fit (One just nervously laughed way too much; and the other, well, I just can't be explaining important words like "half-and-half" all day long). I have 3 interviews this afternoon. One I have already dismissed as he is unemployed but way too confidant in his abilities to get work, even if he has to "settle" for temp work. Ugh. I like a little humility with my living arrangements, thank you very much. One of the yet-to-be-seen men is 32, the closest to my age, but that's still 10 years difference. Wish me (and them) luck!
Saturday, August 24, 2002
There are at least three of us who regularly chew (gnaw) on your life, and who are curious about this gainful albeit menial employment you have secured. Please provide intricate details without hesitation, and certainly before Tuesday, your Day Off. And, so that you will know your audience, we will disclose that we are quite well off, never need to spend our own funds on pot, and have possibly rubbed shoulders, and maybe more, with you.
Um, am i allowed to fullfill this request for info in a more public manner - i.e. "the blog?" I wanted to feel a tad more secure in the job before going into it much, and also didn't want to give specifics, as there are local readers, so.... you know, who wants gawkers when you're trying to impress a boss.
So, my deadline is Monday midnight.?? hmmm, exhausted again today, working Sunday and Monday as it is, and interviewing roommates, might be tight................ (the deadline, not the roommates - well, as far as I know, but I digress..)
oh, and your clues/hints about yourself(ves) - i am so thick headed, I have no idea what you are talking about, which is fine. (although free pot certainly sounds intriguing)
Friday, August 23, 2002
I am sound asleep, and like any blogaddict, despite having nothing to say, and no ability to make stuff up at this ungodly hour, I still think I must post something. Um, oh, I got a very very cool email from someone who apparently recently discovered this page - and the best part was getting to the end of the email that said some nice things and discover it's someone I've already had the pleasure to meet! Friend of friend sorta thing; but his second email responding to my "thankx for the compliments, you're a friend of my X, nice to hear from you" was his mentioning of Jon King. Now, I can't honestly put together any cohesive thoughts about that thick-dicked, lightly-hairy-butthole dreamboat, but always loved this box cover, and this scene from Fade In. The pic unfortunately doesn't show that he's wearing awesome (almost) go-go style white boots, and has a great sex scene with Gino del Mar, but with this soundtrack stolen right from some classic Hitchcock film! There is one annoying part, and it's the way-too loud sound effect of someone's overly lubed cock getting whacked off, that squish squish squish sound - one of the unfortunately common occurances in much of mid-80's porn.
Thursday, August 22, 2002
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
Director: Tom DeSimone (1979)
Kevin Redding stars as a college track star who, while his girlfriend won't put out, slowly begins to realize he's gay. Might sound cliche' to some, but it's really a great story, good acting, and still very hot - the scene with the coach (Nick Rodgers) is very erotic. The shower scene with Derrick Stanton, another stand-out scene. The love-making between Redding and his first boyfriend, just fantastic. Can't be overstated how well this film combines good story-telling, erotic camera work, and good ol' fashioned hot sex!
Starring: Kevin Redding, Nick Rodgers, Derrick Stanton, Greg Dale, Mike Bitler, Darla Lee Barnett, Jerry Foxe, and Jim Battaglia
not-too thought out observations after just reading all the roommate response emails
(I posted GM preferred, so lots of apologies from women and str8men)
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
I need disciplineI posted my roommate share thingee without much thought, and am now frantic about getting the place in order to show it. about 25 emails so far, and I don't know which day this weekend I can show it, as I have tentative commitments that I need to firm up first.
so, first step: GET OFF THE INTERNET!! - I can answer the emails later tonight after i get some more housework done, and can give a sort of "generic" answer to each. Also, I have more stuff to add to the FREE STUFF page, like perfectly good t-shirts, and yes, even underwear (unused, don't worry) that I found in a drawer. And probably more porno, as I have unearthed even more. scarey, scarey, scarey.
Who are you wearing?
It's been a very good 24 hours. A man who I shamelessly flirted with the Sunday night online (I get that way once I know we ain't hooking up) popped up online Monday afternoon, and we arrranged for him to come over. Someone reading my blog was interested in checking out the "spare room" and we arranged for him to come over. As I predicted, one was later than he said, one was earlier than we planned, and no doubt they cruised each other on the street as one was coming in and the other leaving. But it gave me some focus to my afternoon, making the apartmant look reasonably good (which I think I accomplished, not that it's not already a mess again). The potential roommate didnt give me much hint as to his interest level, but I could tell if he decided yes, it could be fun (as long as he doesn't drag more men in here than me, and I get envious!). The date got here and was immediately affectionate, and as I had already told him I was about to rent out the bedroom, we decided we ought to get some use out of it while it's still mine. Good kisser, nice, lightly fragrant hairy balls, yadda yadda yadda, then we snuggled and talked a bit. He was going off about some silly nonsense, some guy wearing a Versaci shirt to the movies, and how inappropriate it was for a Saturday afternoon; when I couldn't stop laughing, he asked why - and I had to admit I wouldn't have a clue, and it made me laugh that he described the guy in terms of each article of clothing and who had designed each (ok, so I can tell the difference between Gap and Bananna Republic, but that's cuz 80% of my clothing is from there). He looked at me with that "oh you lower east siders pretend not to know or care, but you do, I know you do" look, and we giggled and rolled around some more about our incompatibility (he the Chelsea Girl). He had to meet up with friends, but took a shower, which made me laugh later when I realize the mop and bucket from the frantic clean-up were still in the tub. Six or seven kisses from him as he said goodbye, some lingering outside the door as various neighbors suddenly were walking dogs and chasing cats (and me, shirtless, some drops of sweaty cum not-too apparent on my chest and stomach standing in the doorway) - and I noticed his tattoo, back of calf, that I hadn't seen previously (yes his legs had been in the air, but the sun was setting and I was more focused on taste and aroma, ok?).
After he left, I finally got to the package that came in the mail, a sweet man donated several wrestling tapes, and to my surprise and pleasure, two jockstraps plus an a-shirt that I quickly pulled on and wound up sleeping in (and am still wearing, see pic above). The "free stuff" page seemed to get some attention during the day and evening - funny (but not surprisingly) most of the porno has been snatched up - but check it out, a few things left. At the post office, all the cute men (all 4 of us) bought the new Andy Warhol stamps - one guy even added a stamp to a package that was already full of the right amount of postage, just cuz it added the right touch to the poorly wrapped package. The other two heard us talking about it, and when it was their turn in line, added Andy to their purchase. I am meeting an online pal in the morning for more donated porn and coffee, and Friday morning I actually have a paying gig and get to call a cute pal "boss" - which has totally got me turned on (if yer reading this, don't worry, I need the dough and wouldn't think of jeapordizing that - you know i'm all (well, 90%) talk, anyway). And am even working on posting a cool porno clip for later, so those of you who hate all this goddamn reading, don't despair.
So last night, the fact that a potential roomate was coming by, and a sexdate soon after, got me to really clean up around here. But I'm sleepy now, so all I can remember was cell phones ringing, and the sex was good.
Monday, August 19, 2002
Sunday, August 18, 2002
Naked In The Fall
Seemingly random thoughts on a hot Sunday afternoon, in no particular order:
Saturday, August 17, 2002
This morning I got my 1300th positive feedback on eBay. This afternoon I got this from my friends at the eBay Community Watch Team:
45 DAY SUSPENSION NOTICE
Dear bjland (firstname.lastname@example.org),
We regret to inform you that your eBay registration has been suspended
temporarily for a term of no less than 45 days.
Your registration has been suspended for the following reason:
Multiple violations of the mature audience policy cited.
All current listings, if any, have been subsequently ended as a result of this suspension, even though they may not be in violation of our policies. At the end of this period, you will need to write to eBay requesting a review of your account status for reinstatement. This process is not automatic.
Dp2589 [1:03 AM]: hi 33 swm str8 here 5'9" blk/brn 185 lbs 7" cut
BJland [1:06 AM]: st8?
BJland [1:06 AM]: sorry, i'm a guy
Dp2589 [1:06 AM]: looking to get my cock serviced
BJland [1:07 AM]: so, if you're str8, you're looking for a woman - guy here
Dp2589 [1:08 AM]: no...i want it from a guy very curious here even try it for myself as well
BJland [1:08 AM]: so you're not str8?
Dp2589 [1:08 AM]: very curious i said...never tried before
Dp2589 [1:09 AM]: hello ?
BJland [1:10 AM]: very curious, indeed.
NJ21WHIPMEMASTER [3:02 PM]: U WANT TO DOMINATE ME
BJland [3:02 PM]: are you asking or telling me?
NJ21WHIPMEMASTER [3:02 PM]: ASKING SIR
BJland [3:03 PM]: that's better
Friday, August 16, 2002
How old is this picture, anyway? Guess the underwear I was selling with this pic at the time, and get a prize. This was just a few weeks before the beard got sold. I should dig out that picture - fuzzy fuzzy shaggy beard, man. Can't do shit like that on eBay anymore. Damn, got another auction cancelled today; I hadn't noticed that the pic of the videobox (which I don't have, it was just for illustration purposes) had the "profane" title Cumming Your Way - which isn't even the title of the video - that's the new title of the classic NOVA film - Little Brother's Coming Out - which was changed in the late 80's because of the implication of incest, or kiddie porn, or something stupid. So this very clever title Cumming got me in trouble. Damnit, sex is such a beautiful, wonderful thing, I don't get these hang-ups. I wish the whole fuckin' world would grow up already (well, except for the children - WON"T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!)
Anyway, I watched part of a fantastic video - a film that was released in 1973, but is actually several shorts - The Erotic Films of Peter de Rome, specifically, Daydreams from a Crosstown Bus, which de Rome made in 1972. Simple, beautiful film. A guy on a bus spots a handsome man leaning against a tree, and imagines meeting, making love, walking around town, hanging out naked, more love-making, etc. Just so wonderfully made, so, well, erotic. The kind of film that makes you want to do something so beautiful and touching; the use of light, the music, the editing, the men are so clearly turned on to each other - you see it in their eyes - and some cool, yet subtle camera angles, framing, etc. Made me rather sad, actually. The man daydreams all this, finally snaps out of the dream, smiles at the guy against the tree, who smiles back. But the bus pulls away, and by the time he gets off at the next stop, runs back, he can't find the man. The power of desire, of imagination - just a handsome face on the street, and you imagine moving in together, late afternoon love-making, driving around town in a car with his arm around you. And the film is only about 15 minutes, very basic, but you've experienced this same scene yourself so many times, you get wrapped up in it, you want it to become reality, just like the daydreamer on the bus.
As promised, I finally got the video clip to work. Somehow it copied kinda stop-n-start, a few other problems, blah blah... but now it seems to work. Some background, in case you aren't a long-time reader here. Last summer I was lucky enough to get Bjork's Vespertine about a month early online, and of course loved it (don't worry, I bought 6 legit copies when it came out), was already a huge fan, and was so looking forward to her upcoming tour. There were also rumours of little surprise shows, where it would be announced only a day or two ahead of time, and would be in a smallish venue, perhaps 300-400 tops. Anyway, to make a long story short, I managed to get a pair of tickets by having like 17 browsers open on the day the tickets to the 100-seat show at Riverside Chapel was announced last September. I won't go on and on and on and on about it, just that it was phenomenal. And, lucky for everyone else as well, HBO taped it, and put part of it on their Reverb show last fall. My videotape copy isn't great, then transferring to avi format, then wmv format, well, I still think the clip is good. Although I don't care for their use of black/white cutaways - really annoying and pointless. Feedback on the clip is appreciated - will probably take down Saturday, Sunday at the lastest.
NLCxbg: howdy men anyone else having problems getting on to aol?
MusclBiNYC: Wassup looking to hookup and have a PIG bottom work on my 8 1/2 x 6 uncut black cock ... Let's do this so we can hookup and I can work on your douched and lubed azz and throat
MeDanonymous: has entered the room.
BJland: did i miss something about a douched throat?
Jungle ted: morning guys
BuckBlkTop: yeah, you missed that grammar lesson that adjectives modify only the nouns that are closest to them; otherwise, they are said to be dangling modifiers.
BuckBlkTop: and we all know how wrong dangling modifying phrases are :-D
BJland: oh right,
BJland: i forgot azz was a noun
BuckBlkTop: so, douched and lubed referred to azz not throat
BuckBlkTop: oh yeah, azz is a noun. anything you can touch is a noun
BuckBlkTop: and believe me..... he wants to REALLY touch someone's azz
I am trying to put together some stuff for a pal who has generously donated a few bags of porno over the past 8-10 months. He wanted the Charlie Rose interview of Bjork, but I also have the BRAVO TV special from a few years back, and after I recorded those, I dug out the HBO Reverb tape. That was recorded here in NYC, at the Riverside Chapel, Sept 5, 2001. Gosh. Only a few days before.... Too late in the night to be thinking about that - guess I should get some sleep. But, I watched it, and of course had trouble selecting one clip to show here, but I think I've got a good one (of course all the songs are great) - because this one also gives a sense of what the venue was like. I thought I saw for a second the back of my shiney head - but I'm pretty sure it was some other guy. So, after I get some sleep, I should have that up here probably this afternoon.
Thursday, August 15, 2002
The other day I think I mentioned watching a video called Gay Erotica From the Past 8 , which is a part of a series of videos showing gay movie clips from the 50's, 60's, and 70's. This particular video uses a lot of scenes from some film that uses Lou Reed's Transformer as the soundtrack. It's rather typical early 70's shaggy hair sex, but near the end of this clip, you'll see a silly little non-sex bit that I thought was too funny not to post!
Meanwhile, my bad news yesterday morning was that eBay had cancelled just about every auction I had running, due to a misinterpretation of a simple phrase I have been using in practically all my auctions for over a year now -
"I've been informed by eBay not to give graphic descriptions, or link to sites that give descriptions, so my apologies about being vague."
Seems innocuous enough, eh? They interpret this as me selling something I ought not, like hardcore, or gosh-knows what. I won't go into the long history of the ever-changing standards at eBay's adult section. I simply added that phrase when eBay stopped allowing sellers to be explicit with descriptions - i.e. Jon King spooges all over Michael Christopher then bends over for a good pounding.... you get the idea. Now I simply say - Jon King finishes up and gives Michael Christopher a chance to have some fun. So, gotta get real busy and clean-up all 15-20 auctions that were cancelled, then work on the ones that are backlogged.
And yesterday's mail surprise was the Simpsons 2nd Season DVD from a fantastic pal in the midwest (slurp!). I had my usual restless night in bed, followed by a few solid hours of sleep once the sun came up and I slept too late. And there are a few of you who have sent me nice long emails in the past week, and I promise to get to them real soon.
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
beliesum, er. 95 degrees out, bad headache, more crappy news, this time via email, a fantastic gift in the "real" mail today, my brain is about to explode, my apartment is a mess, and I need to get a roommate, but I have done absofuckinlutely nothing about it. While it's not like anyone has offered, sex isn't really a good option, as I need something much more intimate than that....... I was trying to figure out how to use the word "belies" in a sentence, but alas, I can't.
BJland [1:15 AM]: hey man...
Abanico27 [1:15 AM]: hi
Abanico27 [1:15 AM]: im hard & need 2 blow got xpix?
BJland [1:16 AM]: haha funny
Abanico27 [1:17 AM]: ?
Abanico27 [1:17 AM]: =(
BJland [1:18 AM]: you're on the internet, if you need help finding pics, i feel sorry for you
Abanico27 [1:18 AM]: bye
BJland [1:18 AM]: ciao, baby
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
"You're a slick little girl, eyeliner, blah blah..... we're coming out of our closets" I'm pretty sure it's Lou Reed singing, but this is one of the many reasons why I can never get anything done. Here I am dilligently making some auction pages, typing up descriptions, uploading pics, trying to get through this quickly so I can post a bunch today, and then a supposed throwaway title like Gay Erotica From The Past Vol. 8 comes up, and opens with this song, then a jazzy instrumental of that Baubles, Bangles song (Deodato?). The earlier volumes of this series have more 50's, 60's naked men jumping rope type film clips, but now I see its got some early 70's gems. Grrrrrrr.
Sometimes you have a rough day, or a rough week, and it starts to get rather overwhelming. And while no little gesture can take away the deepening worry, it is quite reassuring to get those little reminders that you've got pals out there. I've had several friends in the past couple days just make that small effort that makes a big difference - treated to dinner from one friend, instant messaging silliness with another, and sitting in the park opening all the fuckin' bills that came in the mail, finding a silly puzzle-letter that makes you giggle out loud. The so-called little things sure do add up..........
Monday, August 12, 2002
No, really, let me know if you need to send me your old porn.
Sunday, August 11, 2002
Saturday, August 10, 2002
ORAL3way [8:41 PM]: um, hello
Ansalpal [8:42 PM]: lol lol
Ansalpal [8:42 PM]: actually it would even be hotter if you were sucking two dicks at once
ORAL3way [8:42 PM]: but
ORAL3way [8:42 PM]: i dont think that qualifies as "str8"
Ansalpal [8:43 PM]: thats funny
grrrrr. looks like by fixing this I am inadvertantly deleting a post i don't want to delete. maybe I can just stick it in here (so to speak). awww crap! I think one of the cute menses I saw last night was not a cute str8 boy, but a cute gayboy. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. Well, at 1/2 my age anyway, it would've only been like 3 weeks of hot sweaty August fuzzysex, and whothehell would want that?
Friday, August 09, 2002
Mr Philo was right near the front, and somehow knew who I was, and gave me a great big genuinely warm hello, along with a beautiful woman who was ordering fancy coloured drinks. Soon I saw Andy, who I already know, and actually ran into earlier in the day, and Scott, Andy's pal, and so that was a great warm-up. Then a few locals who I've read, or emailed, or left stupid comments on their comments page, and then someone took a pic, and somehow my skirt, er, shirt, got lifted upwards. Oh and I think I scared a str8 man who's birthday it was, as he was taking pics with his website signage, and I can't remember if he asked me, or if I just grabbed the sign from him posing with my pants pulled downwards, exposing my boxers. (Or did I refuse to give the sign back until he took a pic, nevermind, it was fun). Er, but while I was waiting for him to focus, he said something about us "all going to hell for this" and someone told me later you could see my pubes. Sheesh! Just a few curly hairs poppin' out, that's gonna be some crowded hell if that's all it takes. Oh and a few hours later, I watched 2 guys with boyfriends kiss the longest kiss goodbye, while I'm getting these shakes from needing the next beer (Naw, each has an "understanding" with the partner, and I'm like - what's the point of cheating if you don't get the guilt-thrill along with it? These kids today...)
Oh, and I got brave and forced myself on a few people, cuz I figured maybe they were also shy goofs like me who needed the push of a "hello, I loved it when I read XXXXX on yer webpage" and it worked. And I look like someone's ugly brother, apparently. And someone offered me free porn. Or begged me not to do porn. And lesbians were talking about how gaymaleporn is so much better than lesbian porn, but a couple gayboys were talking about how str8porn is better than gayporn. Several really nice people to talk to, several really handsome people (okay, they were men, sorry I just. can't. do. that. )(why were 2 of the 3 I wanted the most st8boys - ewww, that's so unlike me, but maybe it was the facial hair; or maybe they think they are str8, but just need a little encouragment, wink wink, say no more. And the other was "partnered" (with no discernable "understanding")), and I was surprised I was one of the last people there, but the regular crowd of ACDC-loving st8 folks were sorta takin over the bar by then, so I left.
So, I'd have to say, if I added up the number of people there who I had previously had sex with who I still talk to, divide that by the number of people there I want to have sex with sometime in the near future, multiplied by the number of people who I tried following into the bathroom who didn't push me away in a rude manner - hmm, I'd have to give the party a 9. Or 8. Or 9. I like both numbers, so it's still good, I just can't remember if I carried over the 4 after dividing that last part....
Thursday, August 08, 2002
Anyway, the other guy had work in the morning, and said goodnight. We had one more beer, and not until he misheard something I said and replied "oh, wanna get out of here?" did it occur to me that there might be sex. Even then, it could just be the old "it's late, lets smoke some pot and pass out on the livingroom floor" thing. His stereo was on when we got there, his cat was rather loud and needy, and he put his little pipe in my mouth and lit it.
I knew enough to leave soon after he came, since we'd both be passed out within a minute or two, and the morning hangover what do we say to each other thing wasn't something I felt like experiencing. I don't want to analyze or "process" it together - the ice was broken, we don't need to ignore each other as we pass on the street riding our bikes (yeah, we used to bump into each other on the street and talk bike stories - going on and on about stupid pedestrians, or methods of cruising/circling cuties on the street).When I got down to street level, pausing to remember where he had me lock the bike around the corner, the sky that slightly light dark blue as the birds were deciding if it was time yet, I wondered if this would be the last night of stupid inebriation, or if the 20 bucks still in my desk drawer at home would mean I'd try again later tonight. $3.00 draft beers at the Phoenix....... Bike, get me home.
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
Remember Eric Stryker? How about Dick Fisk? Well, a nice guy (aw crap, I forget his name) has been slowly but surely (no, I'm not gonna make a Shirley joke) adding to his webpage called OUT-CYCLOPEDIA, which has all sorts of queers, lesbos, even gays, listed with brief bios. I like that he also makes a point of including porno stars, of course. Give it a look, and send the guy an encouraging email. You'd be surprised how excited us guys get when someone does that!
don't they still have the death penalty in Texas?
I was so close to registering at BLOGTREE, but I'm probably one of the few who actually read the "terms and conditions of use" - yikes! "The Terms and Conditions of Use shall be governed by the laws of the State of Texas " - yeah right. Although one good thing, if either of my alleged children try to get child support, I'm sure I have nothing to worry about.
Anyway, I'm really kinda pissed about last night. I mean, the sex part lasted all of 10 minutes, then he wanted to cuddle - for the rest of the night! Sheesh, the guy didn't leave til 8 this morning, and yet, again, I didn't get my turn, he finished up so fast - what's with these young guys, anyway? So, the kicker is that I have a huge hangover - no booze, no drugs, I didn't even work up a sweat, let alone cum, last night; and here I am at noon and my head is pounding like I was carousing all night...... grrrrrrrrrr.......
Tuesday, August 06, 2002
uh oh. Superdeluxeuncut man called this afternoon from his office; apparently, I've been on his mind all day! And he wants to come over later tonight. Wow! Sex without laying out any money for booze or admission fees, cool! Of course, posting it here before it actually happens is certainly putting a big WHAMMY on it. So, I cleared out one of the closets, put in a red light bulb, and scattered discarded tissues on the floor, to re-create the mood from our first "date" last night at House of Regrets.
midnight - I am flirting with a guy on-line, but his questioning about how "ripe" I am is just a bit too much, and I sign off.
1 a.m. - I am kneeling, slurping on a superdeluxeuncut man, who after gently barking a few choice orders, turns into an affectionate man; we exchange phone numbers
2 a.m. - I continue roaming around the House of Regrets, as my partner "finished up" before I had a chance to do same. Later, riding the bike around the neighborhood, I am listening to
stolen shared mp3's I got from the internet.
3 a.m. The manboy scrunchy eye-browed guy from Imperial Teen is making out with some guy as the rest of the crowd is humping and grooving and singing along to that "neck, back, p---y, crack" song.
4 a.m. The microwave is doing it's work as I turn the television on for the first time in 18 days. PBS has a special on called "Is God A Number?"; I take out my slide rule and decide they are right.
5 a.m. I notice the flashing light of the answering machine; it's from "John", the superdeluxeuncut man, saying he is in the neighborhood, and wanting to know if I want to get together again, tonight. Half-tempted to call and ask him to bring over Ben and Jerry's, I decide to head to bed instead.
Monday, August 05, 2002
While I appreciate the suggestion I got from someone about how to make the beard look even better, as you can see from the pic, I already have a decent amount of white in it.
And some eBay auction! Look at what someone paid for FINISTERRE last night! And you'd think their weren't already remixes available on blogsites (hint, pic below)!
In other news..... big fuzzy thanks to all the folks (lots of never-heard-from-before types!) who responded to my desperate plea for beard validation - it's still here, getting THICKER just thinking about those emails......
Sunday, August 04, 2002
Ok, so clearly I will never get a date via AOL chatrooms, so I was thinking maybe I'll become an AOL proofreader.
AMUSLVR: LOOKING FOR MUSCULAR TOP WHO NEEDS DISCREET, SAFE, HOT SERVICE
BJland: east side, ddownntownnnnnn
AMUSLVR: Looking for Built Top. Discreet, safe, passionate oral service from a healthy, cleancut, masculine, white expert.
BJland: white expert?
Solidvideo: oppurtunity to do adult film for amateur company if intrested read profile and email or im us all ages and couples and groups welcome interviewing this week for shoot later in the mth
AMUSLVR: Looking for Built Top. Discreet, safe, passionate oral service from a healthy, cleancut, masculine, white guy.
could this AOL profile make the "job" of a blowjob sound less sexy?
Member Name: A Suck Machine performed as only a man could on a man
Location: I'm hung, you get to whistle as i work & watch mine
Marital Status: New York City
Hobbies: Eye contact
Computers: Drive your ecstasy with my nips
Occupation: Non-reciprocal juicing of your male reproductive system
Saturday, August 03, 2002
Friday, August 02, 2002
I am not just waking up! And I did not give some AOL guy my phone number at 5 a.m., then chat with him for 30 minutes on the phone about his boring customers, then tell this Jersey guy he can call me up anytime after getting off his bartender job and come over. Nope, I did not do that. Meanwhile, does anyone have the May 2001 issue of Blueboy magazine? I know I can nab it on eBay, but I was hoping someone wanted to get rid of theirs (free) or scan the Wakefield Poole article for me (please please).
Thursday, August 01, 2002
Director: Jack Deveau (1972)
Deveau's first film stars Ray Frank, Robert Rikas (who was also in Rob Simple's American Cream, also from the early 70's) and Larry Burns. Bob Rikas, who is apparently str8, with a girlfriend, is seduced by Ray Frank (who meets Rikas at his pal's antique shop shortly after giving, and receiving, a blowjob in a public bathroom). As their relationship develops, str8 guy drops the girlfriend, and sees more of Frank. Larry seems a bit left out (although we do get to see a hot fantasy scene with him, shot in black and white) and by the end of the film arranges an orgy, inviting his old friend Ray to participate. But, alas, he "inadvertantly" arranges for his dope dealer, formerly str8 Bob, to drop by around the time that the orgy is just finishing up, catching his new lover Frank in the middle of it all. Got that? (Actually, I had to re-watch it tonight to get the details straight, so not to worry - the trailer itself is fun). Enjoy
OK, so I fixed the Scratch Perverts music link below (although I don't know if anyone noticed that the last 15 seconds of the tune were cut off), and am now working on uploading a movie trailer for Left-Handed. While I work on that, please check out an interesting take on the film over at Jhames's website. (er, did I put the "s" in the right place?)