Thursday, February 28, 2002
No matter how much I tried to take my clothes off, he just wouldn't let me! No, seriously, that was a lot of fun, hanging around my apartment, Jason dropping by, and us spending over 2 hours together. For a peek at his work check out Studio81. I guess having diddled a bit on the very very very amateur level that I've taken some pics, I was fascinated watching him work, figuring out lighting, placement of the subject (me), etc. He did a couple quick polaroids, like you see here, very basic instructions, "sit here" "look at me" (which I quickly learned means look into the lens), "stop clowning around!" - no really, he didn't make me stop, he let me relax in my own way, which is basically to make lots of silly jokes, like trying to lick my own armpit while saying "make love to the camera". He was not snapping those kinds of pics! I guess the compliment, to me, was that when he stumbled across my website a few days back (i guess a yahoo search for "gay men who have lots of time on their hands"), he saw something that made him think "this will be interesting" and since it was mostly face, and full-body, with clothes (yeah, eventually he let me get down to boxers), it was a fun way to spend the afternoon. The massive amounts of porn videos lying around didn't seem to scare him off, and maybe if there's a next time, we can do something ala American Beauty - only instead of me on the bed with rose pedals falling, we can have porn video boxes, and cockrings falling...........just a thought. And signing a "model release form" was exciting - just think, my face could be on a billboard in Times Square next week, and I wouldn't get a dime!
Wednesday, February 27, 2002
So, he comes by tomorrow, and we'll see what happens. He said something about just wanting to take pics of gay men in their natural habitat, er, I mean, in their natural environment. So, no doubt the pics will include this computer, and piles of porn videos and magazines lying around. Actually, while he said specifically that they didn't have to be naked in one of the emails, and god knows I have enough of those, maybe, if the idea is what I'm comfortable in, it'll be my fave outfit: baggy boxers and a dago-tee (provided the heat is on in the apartment) - I don't really decorate Christmas trees, and bake cookies wearing nothing but a jockstrap.
"For 30 years I've been struggling and fighting, and I still feel like an outcast in the gay community"
A pal sent me an email, reminding me of Sylvia Rivera's funeral & Memorial Procession. He was planning on going to the procession, which was to start at the Stonewall Inn, carrying her ashes by horse-drawn carriage along Christopher St. to the Hudson River. Last week he first mentioned this, and while I had no specific memory of her, the group of us who were out briefly chatted. Stonewall veteran, transgender activist, the word fierce come up a lot. Today's email, simply "if your interested, meet me at 9" kinda got to me. First reaction was: naw, don't want to do a funeral, don't want to go through all that emotional upheaval, thinking about all the previous funerals in 41 years, don't want to deal with people who go to it as an "event" either, that bugs me.
But, as I do alot, I sat on my fat ass and did some web searching for more info, and within minutes I was feeling sad, and guilty. I eventually found this NPR obituary, which is not bad. But the first article that I read was about a demonstration, and City Council hearing last year regarding amending the city's anti-discrimination law to include transsexual, transgendered, and gender-variant New Yorkers. And what hit me was her concern for kids, "street youth", who don't fit the usual expectations for males or females and are thrown out in the street by their own parents. Sure it's easy to get all misty-eyed when thinking about kids struggling, and the folks who are there to help. But it's more than that, really, to me. We all know the obligatory statements we hear, and say, around Gay Pride every year about the "street queens" who were at the forefront of the movement. But what about the often unacknowledged debt, what we hardly ever talk about, that these "shock troops" are owed?
I don't really know what was going thru my parents minds as I was growing up, and the growing realization that their son was "different". I came out in my early 20's, in a long letter to my Dad, and his easy, eager, in fact, acceptance was wonderful, but not really surprising. Since then they've met many gay friends, and 2 of my boyfriends have gone "home" with me to visit (one came to my sister's wedding, the other spent a Christmas; both met members of the extended family ). Actually, for me, a fairly easy go of it. But I wonder about that "phewww, thank god he's not that way!" feeling that maybe they felt, and certainly lots of folks must feel. And how often have I felt that relief, that i'm only a bit "different". How much I joke, but really mean it, when I say "when did it become LGBT?" The discomfort I feel about bisexual men; the snickering at nighclubs, when its ok to be entertained by the likes of Amanda Lepore (yes, we love our entertainers, don't we), but to still have those "why did she do that" kind of thoughts......... I dunno, I'm starting to ramble, but i guess the point is, how much do we (I) actually do to support the notion that folks should be free to be whoever they are, period. Don't add some obligatory phrase about "as long as they're not hurting anyone" - as if crap like that needs to be said ("It's okay for those lumberjacks to wear plaid, as long as they're not hurting anyone") And someone shouldn't have to be a part of a history or movement that benefits me to be deserving of that, either.
........ as my mind gets tried of trying to express myself............ A really good website called Sound Portraits has this radio documentary from 1989 - Remembering Stonewall, plus a piece from a NY Times article nearly 3 years ago, a brief interview with Sylvia Rivera: "So there's a lot of joy in my heart to see the 30th anniversary of Stonewall. You know what was beautiful about that night? To see the brothers and sisters stand as a unified people. But I do get depressed when this time of year comes around: for 30 years I've been struggling and fighting, and I still feel like an outcast in the gay community."
Tuesday, February 26, 2002
Monday, February 25, 2002
buy you a chevrolet (gonna buy you)
buy you a chevrolet (chevrolet)
buy you, chevrolet, if you just make love to me
buy you most anything (gonna buy you)
buy you most anything (anything)
buy you, anything, if you just make love to me
sundaydidn't leave the house til after midnight. spent the day playing music, looking at some late 80's/early 90's porn (gosh, can't believe I used to like some of those guys; the cheesey music, the NO-KISSING "stars" like Chad Douglas, Eric Manchester, Rex Chandler (who I keep calling Rex Harrison for some reason) - and I have a copy of Jeff Stryker's POWERTOOL I need to skim thru before selling. Went out for some pacing in a small dark space with bad ventilation, eventually burning a few calories with a hairy-balled man. Then, home for ice cream, popcorn, god-knows-what else, and some Jacksons 5-hour tv movie at 3 am.
Sunday, February 24, 2002
Thursday NightYeah, that impromptu date. The evening started off in the usual me obsessing over finding some disco-tune from some 70's porno-flick (Super Nature by Cerrone). Then I caught up with some pals for beer at The Phoenix. One guy and I had previously flirted, but nothing materialized, and recently, via email, he mentioned not being in dating-mode, so I figured that was that. While I didn't plan to stay out til 4 am, these guys kept going, and while I didn't match them beer-for-beer, I stayed. At some point, late, between awkward pauses and a few long looks at each other, flirt-boy pulled me between his legs and we kissed. Surprising, not just for the suddenness of it, but also for the strong, yet sweetness of it. We stopped quickly enough, perhaps acknowledging our surroundings, our pals being so close by. Then a few whispered "gee it's late" and "I couldn't do anything 'cept sleep, after all that beer"; another kiss. Gee, he's good. When the lights came on, we all laughed, joking about the hour, and pulled jackets on and headed out the door. I had the luxury of stepping away from the group to unlock my bike, while they discussed who was going in which direction. Walking back to the group, I looked at kisser-boy, and merely said "Hop on" - being such a good boy, he did. I pedaled off as we waved and shouted goodbyes. He was a bit wobbley from the ride, and yeah, an extra 150 pounds wasn't too easy on my beer-filled 140 pound self, but we managed to get up the 4 flights.
In the apartment, we quickly had some water, he undressed fast as we repeated the "we really need to get some sleep" bit. Kissing and nibbling lightly, we cuddled up, and I was ready for sleep. One more mouth-on-mouth kiss, and he pushed my head downwards, either having read bits of this blog knowing what I like, or merely (and more likely) just knowing what he liked. But once I was down there for a bit, I got the giggles, which, fortunately, I kept to myself. Managing to still enjoy what I was doing (and from the sounds above, him too) my head strayed to thoughts of a pal who teases me about my "faux rimming" technigue, and Andy's routine about the inadvisability of rimming on the first date. Not to mention realizing that this man would no doubt be reading whatever I wrote about this within a few hours. We finsihed up just fine. He complained a bit about too much to drink; not in a bad way, but in a matter-of-fact way as he gentley held me as we trailed off to sleep.
I remember waking a couple times, being conscientious of the fact that he had a job to go to; but he seemed not too worried. On one trip to the bathroom, I returned to him, diagonally taking up the whole bed. But each time we returned to sleep, there was a gentle kiss on the head, a warm touch. I gave him clothes, and coffee, when we finally got out of bed. We didn't mention the clothes ever coming back, which was cool, but I found myself throughout the rest of the day smiling, remembering little kisses from him as we slept. Sometimes I really miss the sleep-overs, I've had them so rarely this past year. But, I don't miss the bad sleepovers of years ago, the alcohol-breath, or when I couldn't wait for the guy to leave, or the restless "cant fuck, but lets try for a few tiring hours" routine. This was nice. This was being let in a bit, seeing someone's gentle warmness, and being relaxed enough to enjoy it.
Saturday, February 23, 2002
okay, re-reading the email, I think I get it. Gosh, I feel sorry for these poor $7.00/hour schnooks who have to deal with these inane rules and answer emails from folks like me - check this out
WRAP AROUND COCK BALL DIVIDER
cock ring was ended for profanity. You are not allowed to use the word cock or other profanities within the listing. You may relist this item if you blurb the profane words. Within our Mature Audiences categories, we allow sellers to quote from the title of the item being sold without 'blurring' out the profane words. However, we do not allow the use of profanity in describing the item being sold.
okay, I think I get it (gosh, how much do their lawyers get paid for coming up with these distinctions). I can call it a cockring in the title, but i can't say "it gives your cock a nice lift" like I usually do, within the item's description. It just sucks, cuz lots of folks honestly don't know how a simple cockring works, and this one has 2 parts, the one that goes around the "whole package" and the strap that goes just under your cock, separating your cock and balls from each other. Gosh, the headaches of being a smut pusher............
Friday, February 22, 2002
from the mailbag
We have returned your auction:
DADDY DUKE -------------from BIC Productions
to the site, where it now appears as an ended item. This auction was ended in error. The auction does not promote incest. We apologize for ending your auction in error. Additionally, if there were any bidders for the auction(s) listed above, we have emailed each of them a copy of the following letter:
"You recently had placed a bid on auction(s):
1705732478 DADDY DUKE -------------from BIC Productions
which had been ended by eBay. After review of this auction, we have found that it had been ended in error."
We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.
ok, now how about the 3 cockring auctions, and the Spanish Spectacular magazine auction, with Luscious Latin Lances and Andalusian Asses?
The Gemini clip below seems to work just fine; so thanks to all those who let me know (but I may have to take it down soon, as that page got tons of hits, and I might not be able to afford to leave it up, you know, bandwidth and all that...)
Thursday, February 21, 2002
Sifting through porno videos to auction off, I found The Gay Man's Guide To Safer Sex, something I had gotten some months back in a lot of 10 or 12 videos. Given that it wasn't porn, per se, I figured it wouldn't fetch much, so I never got around to posting it. Finally looking at it, I've decided it's a keeper, something to add to my collection. Great early 90's sex-positive film, very erotic photography, with music from COIL, and 2 of the scenes are with one of my all-time faves, Aiden Shaw. With safe-sex tips and HIV info narrated throughout, it's unlikely that'll I'll ever use it as jack-off material (although this scene with these 2 guys going at it, in this plexiglass shower stall......) - still, an excellent reinforcer.
Wednesday, February 20, 2002
brief scene from one of my favorite films, Gemini, starring Jack Wrangler and Richard Locke, with music by Pink Floyd (naw, I don't think they gave permission for it's use)
actually, any feedback on if it works, how long to load, etc. would be appreciated. I have a few other clips I'd love to share in the future, too, so lemme know!
Tuesday, February 19, 2002
OK, so I've done 4 of the 6 things on my "to do" list - (all the porno stuff)- Set myself some relatively easy goals to obtain, kind of practice towards doing some important stuff (like bathing, grocery shopping, resume writing...). Anyway, I'm reviewing some of the porn videos I want to post on eBay tomorrow, making sure they're in reasonably good shape, and figuring out brief descriptions. So, after a couple of muscle wrestling videos, I pop in First Time Tryers - Chicago. Apparently, some guy does some scouting work for Chi Chi LaRue, by doing brief interviews, then a sex scene, with amateur guys who've always wanted to see what it would be like. First pairing is ok (the Chicago accents are the best part). But the second pairing, supposedly "str8" guys, I'm ready to fast-forward after hearing each being interviewed, how they've "let" guys blow them before, but never really had sex with another guy. The shot fades from the interview, to the hotel bedroom scene, and I've got my thumb on the FF button, but they're like madly kissing each other! So I watch, and they quickly strip off shirts, still kissing, one guy goes to blow the other, kinda regular sex scene, kissing, blowing, etc. Obviously the one guy isn't going to be blowing the other, so I'm fast-forwarding at this point, until I see this boot-licking, and I watch, as the "top" guy is name-calling the other guy, spitting on him as gets his boots licked "yeah, faggot, you like that", and again I'm about to hit the FF button, but topguy starts to lick bottom guy's ass. I mean, I dunno, the name-calling shit is a turn-off, of course ( to me), but they go at it kissing madly again, both real hard, and it's actually not a bad sex scene. But then they do the post-sex interview, just like one of those lame reality tv shows, where they analyze it. The "bottom" guy is more awkward, sorta like, "yeah, it was fun, glad I tried it" as he shields his face subconsciously; but the other guy is pretty pleased with himself, still breathing heavy, sticky cum on him, and the director is complementing him as being a hot pig saying: "Chi Chi should really like this" - the top guy jumps up, grinning wildly - "Really? really? - she'll dig me? Can you get me in Honcho? I wanna be in Honcho!!" Director says, "actually, I know an editor at Honcho, his name is Dave, if you ask him nice....." and the guy jumps in front of the camera "Dave, I really wanna be in HONCHO, please, let me be in Honcho" he says all coy and smiling. He's kind of an ass, but at the same time, kinda cute, so boyishly wanting to do this cool thing, being in Honcho and all.... then, as the camera fades, you see the 2 guys in the bathroom, about to take a shower, and the "top guy" still grinning, gently kisses the other guy's cheek. I dunno, I thought it was cool, unexpected, and.... hehe, "we" won another guy over!!
- ship porno
- buy porno
- set up cockring and porn video auctions (sell porno)
- cut hair (anyone wanna buy it?)
- finish roll of film of cockring pics, and bring to KMART for developing before they go out of business
- email "uncut pal" and tell him his fans want more pics (right?)
Monday, February 18, 2002
WARNING: REFERRAL LOGS POST!!!!
You're unemployed, lazy, bored, so you keep checking those referral logs, and you see tons of google search results bringing people to your webpages.... (well, me, anyway) okay, but why are so many people looking for SIMPSONS PORNO??????????? I mean, its a friggin' cartoon, with children, ferchrissakes! And shave gay?? well, that search must've been disappointing! unless they're into guys hwo occasionally shave those long hairs off they're ears, but have I taken any pictures of that? gay porno, of course, is cool (although I'm second, usually behind NAKED SWORD (which does have a couple of cool freebie porn clips, btw). porno gay under 16?????? EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Isn't that illegal? how to bj - well, that's cool, although, again, I don't thing I've ever attempted to explain how (the old popsickle analogy just isn't sufficient, you need to explain the whole taint phenomemon - you know, that spot that 'taint yer a-hole, 'taint yer balls, but just in between. Some solid tonguage in there, and some forceful goatee plunges really help - cuz its really a whole rimming tease right? - for the guys who are into rimming, they keep anticipating, but not getting; and for the guys who aint into it, they're on the edge, not wanting you to "go there", but oddly confused why this particular technigue feels so good)......... But I digress.....Of course, the searches for particular porn stars, that's cool, I hope these guys find what they're looking for. I do get requests for info on how to find specific porno videos, stuff like that, which of course is cool. Hmm. Anyone out there have any success with the PAYPAL, or AMAZON donate linky things? maybe some appreciative folks might want to plop a dollar or two my way. Just a thought.
well, besides the boring referral logs, I did go out last night, I did hear mediocre music, not see any friends, had decent sex, but was hoping more for a conversation, which, if I was lucky, would lead to affection and/or sex. But, alas, I got impatient. And my intake of beer was making the likelihood of me being able to participate in a conversation less and less likely. I swear this guy's cock piercing was the weirdest I've ever managed. Great practice for working on the gag-reflex, though. It wasn't some simple loop, but some sort of big pointy jagged thing - I didn't get a good look at it, as he was sort of "making it disappear" rather forcefully and frequently. He asked about fucking - HA! oh, sure man. "please daddy, plunge that hunk of jagged metal in my tight hairy hole" .......hmmm, now that i say it outloud.......
Sunday, February 17, 2002
Saturday, February 16, 2002
Gosh, I thought I looked good, in my own modest way. I had the thermal shirt that made me look like I have a chest and a small waist, plus the black leather pants that make it look like I have an ass, and with the cockring and bottom button unbottoned so it gives the illusion of a decent cock. Not to mention my not-too-freshly shaven, but stubly face, and of course, my killer smile. Oh wait, I've been told I don't smile in bars, that I sorta have this deadpan look. hmmmmm, could that be it? Sure, that guy over there in the corner is thinking "Hot ass, big package, but such an aloof expression, too bad." Sure.......
oh well, my trusty bike was waiting where i left it, one of the few things that's pure pleasure; so, despite the cold, we took the long route home. Enough liquor to not think too hard about the evening, and enough wits about me to know to call it a night, I did my speed-racer thing for that one stretch east on 6th street, racng like a kid, cold-as-shit air hitting me in the face as I sped around the corner at Avenue C, then the short block, another sharp turn, and remembering a bit of ice cream in the fridge got the smile back on my face as I popped up on the curb and stopped sharply in front of my building.
Friday, February 15, 2002
pornoI've gotten several cool videos lately, plus, a bunch I'm reviewing and posting for sale on eBay. The ones I'm keeping include:
- Leather Narcissus (not a great movie, but mid/late 70's, mostly worthwhile for the cheesey film effects, like an attempt to show the guy making love to himself);
- The Kid From L.A. mid 70's, which does look great, from director Steve Scott;
- a fantastic movie trailer reel from Jaguar Films - mostly early to mid 70's films with hilarious voice-overs promoting the movies ("The Baredevils starts where most motorcycle films end, graphically depicting raw sex. A naked romp through the big outdoors, destroying the last vestiges of sexual hang-ups between men and their lust for the male body. They live for love, and take it with fiery abandon");
- Workout which is just okay, the editing is early 80's fiddling around too much which takes away from these guys' hot muscular bodies;
- another copy of Gemini - that fantastic Steve Scott film starring Jack Wrangler and Richard Locke, with all the Pink Floyd music - so I can sell my BIJOU Video copy of it (it's exactly the same, but has like 10 minutes of lame commericals) and this one I just is an older copy, with better packaging (just ask encorswish how much i like a nice package);
- the previously mentioned in another post wonderful 1975 porn documentary Good Hot Stuff from Hand In Hand Films;
- but then I also acquired a video called the original GOOD HOT STUFF from BUCKSHOT ( a division of Colt studios) which has 4 "shorts" - 2 of them with slurpalicious Mike Davis, and one with the classic AL PARKER (wearing these great, pocketless bell-bottom jeans!). gosh.
And then there's the stuff I'm selling, like Cover Model Captive (the tickling video below is from that); A William Higgins classic Printer's Devils which stars thick-meated Michael Christopher and slurpalicious Jon King (thick-meated?); posting this weekdn the old 80's classic A Matter of Size, one of the first to be made directly on videotape; something with Donnie Russo and Hank Hightower ..... and on and on.....
Thursday, February 14, 2002
Wednesday, February 13, 2002
I had origianlly planned to just hit The Phoenix, no sex club (so why had I strapped on that cock-ball divider?), but the bike took me west toward 2nd avenue anyway. Once there, not many folks, as I had expected, and saw a few regulars (who thought the same of me, no doubt). Soon enough, a man who was previewing his merchandise to all who walked past caught my attention. I grabbed the booth across from him, and just watched for a while. You are getting sleepy, SLEEEEEPY...as he stroked it, and waved it, and leered in my direction. What the hell, and before I knew it he's saying things like "you like that 8-1/2 incher, doncha? Fits your mouth real good, doesn't it, boy?" Yeah yeah, whatever. I reached up for the nipples, played with them like I was trying to find the right Radio station, while I continued below. After a while he says "IF I can cum, you want it down your throat, right, boy?" Disregarding, momentarily, the IF part of the statement, I thought my body language alone displayed a preference for it going somewhere completely different (some old wives' tale about cum making your chest hair thicker). Not knowing if this was just "hot talk" I didn't want to jump up and lecture him; I just indicated non-verbally, more clearly, my preference. While not disengaging right away, he clearly was disappointed, and a few moments later, we were buttoning up without the ususal end-of-session curtesies, neither of us satisfied. But, for some reason, it didn't irk me like it usually would, maybe I was just in another place in my head, and life's usual stupidities didn't seem to matter.
Some more strolling around, and I noticed a friendly face, one I had "been with" here twice before. But, like is often the case in this place, not knowing who or what was on the other's mind, we didn't really aknowledge each other just yet. A few minutes later, however, he was sitting in the lounge area, and I approaced, his smile widening, as he said a big hello. "Where were you? I hoped you'd be here, but I came already!" awwwww, how sweet. He clearly had had a few drinks, but not in a messy way, rather in a cute, vulnerable way. I sat down next to him, and we cuddled, and talked a bit, and I petted his cute head, and he said something about my dick being nice, and i complemented his furry ass. He was waiting for his pal, they seem to come here once a week together, and always leave together, apparently a car to New Jersey. I learned he also goes to The Hole on Thursdays, but..... yup, he's married. To a guy, his husband, as he kept calling him during the conversation. But, it felt real nice to just relax, not have to perform, just touch each other, a few light kisses to the back of his head, his ears, as he stroked my leg, my face. His friend came out, we talked for another minute, then they left, saying maybe Thursday. I sighed, took one last walk around the dark corridors, and left. Hopped on my bike, and found myself in a pretty decent mood for someone who set out to have sex, paid ten bucks here, 5 bucks at the bar, without actually getting much. As I pedaled, I could feel the beer chip in my pocket, and figured even though it's 3 am, what the hell.
The Phoenix was real dead, of course. The 2 bartenders were embraced, or dancing, I couldn't really tell. I tried to look amused, rather than thirsty, as I patiently waited for them to realize I might give them a dollar in exchange for some Bud. I drank most of it, looked at the Banana Republic-looking dude play pool, a couple of real young guys, and knew it was time for some bike riding, topped off with some Ben and Jerry's.
....a few weeks ago, on an unusually warm January night...crossing over the FDR Drive, briefly looking down at the late-night traffic, Bjork's Frosti segues into Aurora. Gosh, this was the song, as sweet as it is, that always made me cry; somehow, it's rawness, each syllable overly enunciated, always made me sing along, and tonight is no exception. But now I am alone, riding my bike thru potholes and puddles along the empty East Side park after 2 a.m., and my voice is loud and unencumbered, happy-tears streaming, as they wish, down my cheek, while I imagine I am in Iceland, seeing a "mountain shade", snow, etc. I hadn't planned it, but once I'm here, I decide to keep going south, along the East River, glad it's empty, and not too cold. Once I'm actually under the Drive, and the music has changed to An Echo, A Stain it magically matches the mood. The creekiness of the song, little blips and crackles are accentuated by the sounds of water lapping against the dirty shore, trucks above shooshing by, as I get near South Street Seaport. Last time I was down here, months back, another late night ride, grey dust covered everything, and as I got further down, saw more emergency vehicles, and uniformed men. Tonight, suddenly I am surrounded by workers; fork lifts carrying white boxes of frozen fish, dozens of guys moving hurredly by, me barely navigating out of their way and around the potholes. A few blocks later, it's empty again. As I seem to be nearing the bottom of the island, the wind picks up, and I wish I had remembered gloves. I won't go thru each song that accompanied each moment downtown, eyeing from a distance the still bright lights working hard; rescue trucks, cops and firefighter types replaced by "regular joes" - phone repair guys, cable trucks, garbagemen. And the huge gaping hole in the sky, and a sign that seems to point to the "viewing platform". I have mixed feelings about that (like most things). Yeah, folks are gonna come, and yeah, we need it to be orderly so these folks can actually continue their work. I do, however, feel quite strongly that NO politician should be allowed anywhere near it if they are gonna get their picture taken. Figure out a different way to get your crooked, lousy stupid ideas sold to the public, and funded by our tax-dollars. Try using some words, some ideas. FUCK them! ......... and, thankfully, my mind trails off again, and the next song clicks on, and I continue pedaling, disoriented, but knowing this will sorta take me to the West Side Hwy eventually. I stop at another corner, another perspective, odd and eerie, the amount of open space before my eyes in this dense part of town. The whispered lyrics in my ears take on new meaning once again, and the first few syllables of Unison awaken me enough to know I should move on. This is the song that makes my heart soar, for some reason. This is where I speed up, and stand tall on my bike, as if I am on some deserted country road, heading for the ocean, for a cliff; I pedal faster and faster, and yeah, i sing along. Those angelic backing vocals and strings - so reassuring and comforting - as I race along the deserted streets, picturing a big blue sky, and deep dark ocean ahead, on my way to some sort of Evil Knievel superfast jump off that cliff, not caring who or what might catch me, but knowing, somehow, I have to make that leap; not knowing what it is, really, just wanting to trust myself that it'll be ok.
Tuesday, February 12, 2002
Monday, February 11, 2002
Earlier in the evening, I attempted meaningless anonomous sex, but, alas, too many people there who I've done it with, and all those assorted thoughts and associations meant that any sex would have meaning, so, after pacing for 14 hours up and down the corridors, I pedaled over to The Cock, paid too much to get in, saw a pal's Mel-Gibson-Lethal-Weapon hair poking around the backroom, grabbed a beer, and actually, for awhile, the super-extended Kraftwerk remixes were fun. Seeing the oddly-coiffed boy from the other night, this time his hair was swirled, rather than pointing straight up. I obsessed on him for a while, looked at grunting boys in the backroom again, and once I heard I looked like I needed xstacy, well.... let's just say it was downhill from there.
Sunday, February 10, 2002
With so many complaints about all the cock on this page last week, here's a picture I just got developed, from what I think is the only snowfall we've had here so far this year. A nice walk in Thompkins Sqaure Park a few Saturdays ago, it was really great to see the picture come out so well. The squirrels were particualarly noisy, and lots of folks were in the park. Anyway, I didn't really want to make the pic smaller, but for purposes of this page I did. If you click it, you'll get to see it in a bigger filesize, and who knows, maybe even replace your "hotboy" wallpaper for a day or two. (yeah, right!)
Another Saturday Night and.......looking thru AOL chatrooms, as well as the m4m4sex4m4m site, there were so many choices online last night
- deepsweetass - - "Mom, this is my new boyfriend, deepsweetass. Deepsweetass, this is mom."
- bottomsup - - hmmm, wonder what he's into?
- midnightbuffet4u - - oh damn, and I just brushed my teeth.
- PwrBallBtm - - ouch
- Loco4sex - - and I'm loco4cocopuffs
- BendMeOverNY - - um, the city, or the whole state? (oh wait, I just looked at the pic, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!)
- Arroz con Leche - - ok, so my spanish is a bit rusty; is that chicken with milk?
- sweetblkhole - - "Sweetblkhol, this is my boyfriend, deepsweetass. Deepsweetass, this is sweetblkhol; can you fellas wait here while i run out and get some more Crisco, I seem to have run out?"
- ChelseaFuckHole - - isn't that redundant? (sorry, lower east side joke)
- GoSlowAtFirstOK - - you betcha, dude; now shuddup and bendover!
- bigdkdphole so, I guess this guy's equipped to go fuck himself, eh?
- musclepigduo, Anonymousfuckhole, BigJuicyDad, and so many more.
- absolutedaddy - - who had this in his AOL profile:
Marital Status: SGWM, 55 ,5'11",170#,dk.blnd/brn
Hobbies: Seeking that special guy ( over 30 please ), to enjoy special times together. Married & Bi welcome!
Computers: Not into one night stands, just a loving, caring and honest relationship.
Hmmmm. something about the "hobbies" and "computers" section that don't quite add up......
ok, so here I am making fun of all these guys, who, like me, are just looking for a little love. So, in "fairness", here's my m4m4sex4m4m ad:
hairy guy VERY ORAL
5'8", 140; ORAL (your balls and cock) 7-1/2, FUZZY; lower east side, easy-going. Quick bj's, or long-term, let's see where chemistry takes us.
Saturday, February 09, 2002
sorry, just had to let that out, but I just got a video today, of a 1975 film called Good Hot Stuff, not to be confused with the BUCKSHOT movie of the same name. This is a documentary from my favorite porn producers, Hand In Hand Films, the name in 70's porn movies. Jack Deveau was the president of the production company, and he also directed many of its films (along with Arch Brown, Peter de Rome, Tom DeSimone). I've taken a quick look through it, and it's got interviews, background info, and scenes from early gems like Left-Handed, Adam and Yves, and The Night Before. I am soooooooooooo excited!! I know I may sound like a dirty old man, but shit! These guys are like idols to me, they really cared about making cool, hot movies. and when you think that there were probably only about 10 movie houses in the whole country that would show these films, the care they took in making them is phenomenal - original soundtracks, actual scripts with plots, and they were the first to rent, rather than sell, prints of their films, like "legit" movie producers. They even went so far as to travel to the various porn theatres, and introduce themselves, and their product, to the theatre owners. Gosh, can you believe I actually have a notepad and pencil to watch this???? hehe.
Friday, February 08, 2002
Thursday, February 07, 2002
Meanwhile, maybe from the pot i smoked with the 20-year-old earlier who's cock tasted nice, my mind was wandering thru the REM songs on the jukebox, and the various characters at the Bijou earlier.
- one guy from the old act-up days who always seems to be drunk - at least slurring and smelling like it.
- that scraggly-faced guy from the m4m4sex site who liked my fuzziness then, and let me talk him into leaving his t-shirt with the motorcycle on the front, but refused eyecontact now
- the guy who looks like the guy with the webcam who I never see live, and can't tell if it's really him here, cuz on the webcam he's always shirtless, and here he's fully clothed (at least, on the outside of these booths)
- that guy i did once before, who was wearing too much cologne, so I knew I couldnt handle being trapped in a teeny booth with him
- the cute short guy, who looked too much like a former co-worker who was only recently "out"
- those guys who are always here ( believe me, i know what that sounds like, but...) and are always gabbing loudly to each other about how no one "hot" is here
- the guy with the really large, fat, uncut cock, and very slurpable nipples, who i've seen, and sampled, several times at The Cock, but only likes about 10 minutes with any one guy
- that guy who keeps stumbling into me; I don't think he's drunk, just stupid
- the guy stroking his thick cock, with his door open, who looked so hot 2 weeks ago, but now he kinda skeeves me out
gee, this bandwidth thing is getting out of control. I must stop uploading music, but those eBay underwear boys are still getting lots of traffic, too. wonder which habit I should curb. Meanwhile, a pal of mine sent me a porntape, and I gotta admit, he was right about that Lance Gear. (Beware: clicking on these 2 porn links will give you CHI CHI LARUE's pop-under ads....) I don't even thing I got to see his cock before I splurted - he looked so hot with Logan Reed's schlong in his face; I dunno, I just love guys who get into cocksucking like that, very playful, even uses his shaved head as a ball-tickler, pushing the back of his head up into Reed's heavy ball-sac. But it's the grin, the smirky I-love-cock-and-yer-gonna-love-my-mouth-everywhere-I-put-it grin he has that puts me over the edge. ooooooooooh, look at that mustache in Reed's ass; he eats ass even better!
Wednesday, February 06, 2002
Bachelor #2 I had eyed earlier, vague in his interest, but seeemd like he had been there for awhile, and was getting anxious, and soon moved out of his dimly lit booth, taking a walk around, so I got a better look at "the whole package". Nice- maybe a couple years older, solid but not a muscle-freak, blondish grey very short hair. We stood near each other for a couple minutes, I grabbed a nearby booth, and as he slowly walked up, I made it obvious I wanted him to come inside (NO! I didn't stick my ass up in the air, I just smiled slightly, stepping back into the booth to give him room to come in.) Slowly we hugged, felt each other's upper bodies, and nuzzled into each other's necks without actually kissing. I pulled at his belt, he struggled slightly with my fly, and we got a nice feel, and look, at each other's equipment. Shy in most other areas of life, once I'm in a dark dingy booth with a man's cock in front of me, I don't like to waste time. As I scrunched down to taste him, his hands went to the back of my neck, pushing, so I thought a bit more teasing was in order. I love balls anyway, so went for some very light licking, going lower and lower, while his cock hardened more, and began to bounce above me. Then I went for both of them, managing to get both balls in my mouth at the same time with one quick motion. He groaned, started stroking his cock above me, and I moved my body below so that he could see how excited this got me, as I was straining out of the jockstrap. I stood up, and grabbed the side of his neck with my mouth, gentle nibbles, pushing my whole body into his, as he pushed back. Then he slid down, and swallowed as much as he could. After a few moments of that, he seemed to notice the strap around my balls, and started slapping lightly at them as he continued to slurp. Good mouth, good mouth, man. I pulled him up, and he came up reluctantly until I pushed my mouth onto his, and he kissed hard back at me. More clothes came off, and we kissed for awhile, giving our cocks a rest, but they stayed excited, and he tucked his cock just under my balls, and started with a nice, slow, fucking motion. I was rockhard, and got back on my knees for a few more slurps, alternating big gulps and slow, light licks. He was ready, and motioned for me to move, but I aimed him at my chest, and that's where it went, dribbling all the way down onto my cock and balls, as well.
Some chitchat as we dressed, the obligatory whats-yer-name, thanks, a couple more body grabs, a gentle kiss, and I swung the door open to leave.
Tuesday, February 05, 2002
I can't even tell you the first song they played, a sped-up version of channel z or is that you mo-dean? - but it got everyone hopping around, and briefly before the next song, Fred says hello, and flatly states: "This next song is a dance song" everyone laughs gleefully and the first few notes of dance this mess around play and the place went mad! I can't believe Cindy can still belt out "I'm not no Limberger, just a limberger" like that, but she was hot! And Fred's, razor-sharp interplay with her was f**kin' great - they had the audience going wild. Can't say which song was best, they were all so good for different reasons. Well, Lava was the best, maybe because they each got to show off for that song. Oh wait, strobe light was best, Fred kicked ass singing, and I danced frantically with the strobelight on, knowing no-one could see I have absofuckinlutely no rhythm; and oh yeah, when that plastic pineapple flew up from the crowd into Fred's hand just at the right moment, all the fags around us squealed with delight!! (or was that just me?). The audience was singing along for much of the set, which I was amazed didn't bother me. There was a lot that they didn't play in the 75-minute show, of course - nothing from Bouncing Off The Satellites (makes you wonder if it's because it's the last album Ricky Wilson was on) or anything from Mesopotamia, either. Love Shack and Roam were big sing-alongs. One of my favorite performances cuz it was so different from the rest of the show was Revolution Earth from their last studio album, Good Stuff (Cindy wasn't with the band then). Kate introduced it by saying they were enjoying their stay at the Waldorf, and was happy to see protesters in the streets again. Pseudo-trippy, feel good song, her singing was flawless; I closed my eyes as the sounds floated over our heads. (......I reach for you by me side and soar......re-vo-lu-tion earth.....)
Tina Weymouth from Talking Heads played during planet claire, and Fred was again amazing doing quiche lorraine - just so animated, his vocals wild and forceful. We knew they had to play Rock Lobster, which they saved for last, and they teased a bit with just a few notes, then Fred said something about someone they've admired for years might join them on stage. But not til midway thru the song did Yoko appear (I think Jeff and I screamed the loudest when she came on!), and her singing had totally nothing to do with the song, she was so great, just yelping away as Fred looked both puzzled and amused as he belted out his parts, and the crowd thrashed itself around for those last few minutes.
oh-my-god! I must still be high, I almost forgot! During Rock Lobster, you know the part down, down and all the audience was getting lower and lower, closer to the floor, THAT'S when Yoko Ono appeared, and everyone jumped up along with the song, screaming, dancing, bouncing, laughing, oh shit! That's when I lost my voice...hehe.
Our legs and throats were exhausted after the show, but we headed over to The Phoenix for more alcohol. Fairly quiet night there, so we got to hear a couple of b-52s songs on the jukebox. I had 2 vodka/cranberries while the other boys drank Buds. I joined them for the last round of Buds, and by this time the guy who-I-only-know-thru-Jeff and I were making eyes at each other. So frustrating, I was too drunk anyway, but there was that "how do you make a move without embarrasing yourself in front of your other firends" that we could see in each other's eyes. Soon enough the four of us left, and Jeff turned left (east) as I unlocked my bike; the other two guys started walking west, asking which way I was going. I shyly pointed east, and caught up with Jeff, giving one last glance at what's-his-name. We walked most of the way home together, even though it was fuckin' cold, and giggled about the concert, and gave each other big hugs in front of Key Food as I headed furhter east, and Jeff headed further south. Of course, I ate everything in site once I got home into my cozy warm apartment, thinking about those old pals kicking ass on stage a couple hours earlier...........
Monday, February 04, 2002
It says in this cookbook it takes a long time to rise.
I read that. Now, beware.
Let's get this thing in the oven!
So, for all you LOSERS not going to the 25th anniversary show tonight (you know who you are - hahahhahahahhahaha!!!) you can catch their "Live from Lounge" radio broadcast on Tuesday, Feb. 5 at 11:30pm EST, and on Conan O'Brien show Wednesday, February 6th! - more info here.
OK, maybe that's not nice, after all......... so many fans can't help it if they are geographically challenged...... besides
It's the summer of love, love, love
I'm in love with love, love, love
For everyone transcends here
I'm thinking of you boy
Love energy is giving us a shove
Making this the summer of love
It's the summer of love, love, love
I'm in love, with love, love, love
It's the summer of love, love, love
I'm in love with love, love, love
Member Name: masculine athletic 36 Y/o
Location:New York, NYC Sex:Male Marital
Status: AVAILABLE Hobbies:GYM, MUSIC,
MOVIES. Computers: STUD MUSCULAR BUZZED
MAN, HUGE 6'3" X 215lb, VERY MASCULINE( I
like the same) , BIG HANDS AND FEET, HUNG
AND THICK ONE. Occupation: HIV NEG
("I know how to copy and paste my AOL profile, but I don't know how to "cut" things like OCCUPATION before my HIV status......")
.........and what exactly do 2 hung str8 guys do together?
Sunday, February 03, 2002
ok, so Friday night I was having a bit of fun trying to promote my auctions by using that uncut cock pic - NO, it's not me, but a pal who was nice enough to cum over in Novemeber and do some cockring modeling for me. I just figured that folks who paruse my auctions might like to see some fresh meat for a change, instead of my ol' thang. But for all those who asked (both of you), you can see both side by side (at least in the pics, his boyfriend doesn't actually let him out much, sorry!)
Saturday, February 02, 2002
I turned down sex last night
I was reworking some porno-list or another, with my name in a chatroom, but not paying any attention, and I got a message. After a couple of "heys" and "where do you lives" he says: "I'd like to get on my knees and taste your fabric" - HUH? Apparently, my name, or profile, indicates a liking for jockstraps, and he explains that that is what he meant, or, in fact, any sort of underwear as long as their was cock behind it. Hmmmm. I think I have one of those, let me check and get back to you. Turns out we know each other, from years ago. And now that he realizes it's me (and he sees my pic and sees that I have a fuzzy body) he's even more into it. But, but...... I protest. "What?" he wants to know. I explain that I can't have anonymous sex with someone I know, and besides, "you run that new hotdog stand on 7th st, and what happens next time I want a chilicheese-tofupup dog with fries?"
Friday, February 01, 2002
Ok, they all look alive, so I guess Jonno isn't pregnant, but, WTF? And now I know why I hardly look at Mr Ernie's page - I just spent like 3 hours over at Bronx Junkyard checking out teen asian girl musicvideos! (those MILK girls are tooooooooo cute!) But seriously, I can't link to that Willy Horton guy, no matter how many awards he gets.......
BUT - just skip reading this one, cuz this post is worse than all that. This is the old standard: I got more hits this week than any other week, plus I got more hits in January than any other month and I got more hits yesterday than any other single day all combined in one! Howaboutthat? I know it's January, and bad weather keeps folks in, and TV still sucks (except for BLUE PLANET which is being re-run tonight) but what I want to know is WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE? and why are you here? Is it the dirty toothbrush? The incessant ramblings about BJORK (oooh, another cool page about the upcoming single/DVD/video release of Cocoon) ? It can't be the sexlife stuff, cuz, well, how many times can "and then he pushed my wanting mouth on his throbbing member, guiding it thru my hungry goateed lips ......" be interesting? Must be the porn, what else? OOOH, speaking of porn, last night, while watching Harley's Angels, trying to identify some of the music, I was very proud to get Pink Floyd's Echoes, and Elton John's One Horse Town on the first guess. It is my favorite type of porn flick, good sex scenes, with silly, purposefully stupid plot devices (yeah, Harely's leather gloves get stolen, and he sends his Angels out to do some detective work to recover them - "with sexy results"). Well, while you can't tell from your end, I am working hard on updating all my porn video pages, and still enjoying my unpaid, but quite fulfilling job as Porn detective helping emailers to locate their fave old porn stars, and movies - sooooooooooooooo, just identify yourselves already, I know you didn't come here only to see if I talk about sex more than Jonno), right?