Wednesday, October 31, 2001

Realizing that most of you don't come here to read my ramblings on art, war, greed, killing, pollution, and death....... lets go back to my carefree youth, back when I was 18, worried about Carter's plan for Registering for the Draft........ er, I mean, back when I was 18, and first went to a gay porn theatre - The Bijou - in Chicago. Was quite fascinating, sitting in the dark theatre, not realizing that sex would happen right there, in the theatre! And at one point, I went to the rest rooms, and found a stall, went inside, and saw no toilet, just a stool, a waste basket, and just when I was starting to gross out, I noticed the hole in the wall, and someone's hand directing me towards it......... (Casio-disco music starts) .. slowly approaching, the hand grabbed at my fly, and unzipped it, and the other hand reached in and.... oh, of course I ran out and went back to the movie, right?

I'm sure you'd rather see a movie clip than hear about all that, so, thanks to modern technology, you can see this lovely bit of streaming video (don't blame me for the quality, it's REAL PLAYER), a lovely film with a vague Halloweenish sound going on, Getting It.

Tuesday, October 30, 2001

.......I swear to GOD, I only took the underwear....... well, maybe some sundries...........
fuck oil!

so yeah, I'm one of 3 people who still thinks Jimmy Carter was right. dependence on petroleum has fucked us over again. And while "foreign Oil" is an obvious problem - oh yeah - FUCK SAUDI ARABIA!!! --- drilling in Alaska ain't the answer, either. Just stick a bunch of windmills in FUCKING Kansas and Iowa ferchrissakes. Make the fucking Sunshine State that gave us Pres Bush stick solar panels on all their roofs; Texas has the best potential to utilize both solor and wind power - just fucking do it! 2/3's of Iceland's energy comes from hydroelectric power, and they are ready to export the shit. Upstate New York is on the verge of allowing comsumers to simply check off a box on their electric bill to buy energy from wind and solar sources.

If we want to keep our lovely American lifestyle, why don't we use our fuckin' brains and figure out a way NOT to be dependent on rich assholes in "that part of the world" who screw over their own people and give fuel to the fire of freaks like Assammma Bin Salama or whoever our Enemy-du-Jour is. It's not the first time someone has tried to kill us... WTC part one was in 1993, remember? And the FBI? oh, busy figuring out who the last president was fucking, thanks guys, nice job. We'd rather send more troops off and risk lives than use our brains. GULF WAR, anyone? Yeah, nice long-lasting effects, the price of oil is steady, maybe even cheaper than it was in "real terms" than in 1979, and I can get in my car and drive anywhere I want, just send some more young folks off to the mideast, piss off some more people, get killed, and I still have my American freedoms to go to any drive-in fast food restaurant in the middle of the night and get Krispy Kreme or Wendy's. Nice. Real fuckin' nice.

Monday, October 29, 2001

HrlmPipe [11:31 PM]: my balls aint hairy but the show is biigg
BJland [11:31 PM]: the show?
HrlmPipe [11:32 PM]: little southern venacular
HrlmPipe [11:32 PM]: sure are big....
BJland [11:33 PM]: oh
BJland [11:33 PM]: your balls are big? is that what that means?
HrlmPipe [11:33 PM]: yes
HrlmPipe [11:33 PM]: just thick and full just like my bodi
BJland [11:34 PM]: hehe
HrlmPipe [11:35 PM]: fully loaded to blow fucking afganistan off the face of the earth
BJland [11:35 PM]: ciao
HrlmPipe [11:35 PM]: peace

(I didn't feel like pointing out the irony of his goodbye...... but the "death to Afghanis" sure is a great pick-up line, I'll have to remember to use that one)
....... still sorta hungover, probably from the potato chips and chocolate I was eating at 5 a.m., so, um........ if you enjoyed the eBay underwear boys I posted last week, here's some more eBay underwear boys; this second batch is pretty good, actually!
3 guesses which Halloween costume I'd want to wear!

Sunday, October 28, 2001

.....another exciting Sunday Night in the chatrooms

Wildguynyc [7:24 PM]: lookin for fun with 33 year old?
Bjland [7:25 PM]: didnt have that specific age in mind
Wildguynyc [7:25 PM]: hehe--u wanna see my pic?
Bjland [7:26 PM]: sure
Wildguynyc [7:27 PM]: k
Wildguynyc [7:27 PM]: sent
Bjland [7:28 PM]: you look familiar
Bjland [7:28 PM]: maybe we've done this b4
Wildguynyc [7:28 PM]: dunno--are u lookin to hook up?
Bjland [7:29 PM]: yeah, i could
Wildguynyc [7:30 PM]: u got x pic?
Bjland [7:30 PM]: sorry
Wildguynyc [7:30 PM]: do u wanna play?
Bjland[7:30 PM]: sorry, i cant decide that fast...
Wildguynyc [7:31 PM]: lol
Wildguynyc [7:32 PM]: u better hurry cuz someone just asked me to marry them
Bjland [7:32 PM]: alrighty, then, you have fun

OK, so maybe I lied about the X pic, I might have one or two somewhere in here (hehe, maybe I should've sent him the pic of Pepe) but I'm old-fashioned, I like some foreplay, ya know?

Ay Carumba!

posting more porn on eBay today and tomorrow (Monday) but some stuff is already up, so take a look at my "About ME" page at eBay for a list (you'll need to sign in to see the "adult auctions", but if you're really bored, you can see a pic or two of ME over there, too)

oh yeah, that's Pepe from the Jan 1977issue of Mandate, listed as the star of "Blow Dry" an X-rated spoof on Shampoo.

The nice ass-grab below is from a 1981 issue of Drummer

Saturday, October 27, 2001

I never knew that Rick Donovan had an even bigger cousin Rodd Donovan!
he was furry, very furry. He instant messaged me last night while I was playing Marbles and making dinner. For some reason, we really liked my pic, and invited himself over. I quickly looked at his profile and pics, and saw that he was indeed a fuzzyboy, all bearded and the furriest tummy. He wanted to snuggle up, as the weather here had gotten cold. Sounded good to me, despite his age - yeah, 19 is usually quite quite scarey to me - I'm not quite ready to think about the "Daddy" thing, but, being unemployed for 18 months now, I doubt anyone would seriously look at me as much of a Daddy, right?

He wasn't here for 10 seconds and his socks were off. These kids today, I swear. So he's down to his boxers and on the couch faster than I could offer him that can of Mountain Dew I've had in the fridge since New Year's when someone at the grocery store cruelly hid it inside the 6-pack of Ginger Ale. He accepted, of course (he's 19, he loves the shit!). I had just enough time to clean up after dinner, but of course, the TV was still on, since AMC has an all-weekend MONSTERFEST. Have you ever tried to make out with a horny kid with Madeline Kahn in the background? The poor guy kept thinking my giggling was because of him. Eventually, I wore him out; so we snuggled (the original plan) and watched TV.

Later, while the local PBS station was showing Ed Wood's Bride of the Monster, he got a second wind. Yikes! I'm ready for ice cream and some serious camp horror movies with Bela Lugosi, and this guy is grabbing at my ass. As I kept looking around him to see the screen, he got the idea, and made excuses to leave. Lingering at the door, I still had one eye on the TV (c'mon, the "the spine chilling battle with the rubber octopus" was on!!). He left, in a semi-huff, but shit, he's 19, I doubt he even remembers my name today.

Friday, October 26, 2001

just when you thought he was last week's blogcrush, he turns into next week's blogcrush, that sex-bomb on the Cuyahoga with a new playlist, links to cool shit, not to mention more secret nude pics

..... I know I promised more porn, but just got back from the local Post Office. I go there at least 5 times a week, to check my box, ship out porn, etc. So, I mentioned to them that the Supreme Court shut down today because they "found traces of the bacteria on a filter at an off-site mailing facility for the Supreme Court." Here on 3rd st, they found a suspicious white powder on some bills, the FBI came, took "samples", left them with a few plastic gloves, and temporarily left a plastic sheet over the clerk's window while they examined the area. No one was sent home - of course, white powder on dollar bills usually means.....cocaine, right?
...... a brief break from porn............

Beware evil doers wherever you are! - Bush Signs Bipartisan Bill to Combat Terrorism - this alone makes me worry: Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah, ranking Republican on the Judiciary Committee, defended the measure, saying: ``I don't know anybody in this country who is afraid of their law enforcement people at this time. They are afraid of terrorism.''

some dare to disagree - Privacy is Just So Suspicious

Not directly related to this, but nonetheless some interesting thoughts from a Southern neighbor: "No one can deny that terrorism is today a dangerous and ethically indefensible phenomenon, which should be eradicated regardless of its deep origins, the economic and political factors that brought it to life. Who have profited? The extreme right, the most backward and right-wing forces, those in favour of crushing the growing world rebellion and sweeping away everything progressive that is still left on the planet. It was an enormous error, a huge injustice and a great crime, whomever they are who organized or are responsible for such action." - Fidel Castro, Sept 22, 2001.

Beware Chelsea Boys wherever you are! - Arrested Men's Shaved Bodies Drew Suspicion of the F.B.I.
..........last night, some "quality time" with a video that finally arrived, Steve Scott's Screen Play with the amazing Lee Ryder. Naturally, I didn't finish the film, and am looking forward to the scene with Lee and Jon King. But that one jack-off-while-sniffing-your-roommate's-sleeping-butt is a bit disorienting, what with the T.V. on, and hearing Martin Sheen and Harvey Keitel's voices in the background. But it is the sort of touch I like from Steve Scott, who also directed Games with the first Gay Games as the setting (and that scene with Al Parker and Giorgio Canali!!). More later.......

Thursday, October 25, 2001

inspired by Mr. Green, I went looking for some pics/video of the classic motorcycle cop, Clint Lockner. Perhaps best known for his role in Colt's Lockner's Key with the fantastic hairy uncut Bruno. You all know the story, of course: Bruno, sleeping in a jockstrap and torn t-shirt, (and of course rubbing his crotch while sleeping) is awoken by a knock at the door; it's motorcycle cop Lockner, who has discovered that Bruno inadvertantly left his keys in the doorway. Guess what? They have sex! At first, Bruno gets his hairy pecs rubbed down by Lockner's thick motorcycle gloves, but soon enough, Lockner undresses, revealing his own jockstrap, and lovely shiney double-metal cockring. Of course, during the whole scene, Bruno keeps his workboots on, and Lockner keeps his mirrored sunglasses on. Another fantastic scene is from Steve Scott's 1981 film Face to Face, a tale of a young man going on a road trip to find his favorite porn star, J.W. King, and on the way hitchhiking, gets picked up by our pal Clint Lockner. Scolding the young man for hitchhiking, he forces the kid to blow him; and in an unusual moment for a porn film, after they finish, the kid, still on his knees, spits out Lockner's spunk, to show his distaste for forced sex.

Of course, young Al Parker was no stranger to Motorcycle Cop fun, as he did several photospreads for Colt with that theme.

Wednesday, October 24, 2001

ok. I'm making an effort to lighten up. So, going thru my huge collection of pics I've downloaded from pornsites and eBay auctions, here's a handful of pics of some of the guys (besides myself) who sold underwear on eBay back in 2000. Enjoy.

last night, during the 2nd beer, Edwin Starr's War came blasting out of the jukebox. Took me back to 1972, when I was giving a speech for extra credit, posing as George McGovern running for President. I quoted heavily from that song, and at age 11, I was quite upset about "the War" - I just couldn't get it. By then, of course, it was fairly common for folks to be against the War, some of our Parish Priests and Nuns had gone to Washington for one of the protest marches, and both my parents were clearly against it. I went with my Mom that November to watch her vote against Nixon, and that night, when he trounced McGovern, I cried my self to sleep. This all going thru my head as I was hoping to "get lucky" - you can imagine the alluring look on my face. Needless to say, no one jumped at the chance to do me, or be done by me, or, for that matter, to stand within 6 feet of me, so I left.

I hadn't taken a drunken bike ride in awhile, and headed over west, following the aroma of burning building, past the 3 guys at "Thank You Point" (the spot where Christopher St meets the West Side Hwy, where folks gather to wave flags and shout out thank-you's to vehicles and workers coming to and from WTC). Heading down the bike path, that glow from the hole in the sky is still rather daunting, all lit up so they can work 24/7, cranes moving aimlessly, it seems. I found a spot to sit, a bit out on the Hudson River, with of course the Statue of Liberty in the distance. Gosh, I don't usually feel OLD but I have been lately. Just in the sense of how easy it used to be, to feel so strongly that all killing was wrong, that war never solved problems, often worsening them. And it's not that I've changed those views much, but i just have no energy to express them, or to even feel them anymore. I am too sad, and I can't think of an alternate to what's happening right now - the need to "do something". I still sometimes have arguments over the little things, like stupid new laws that will lessen our freedoms, and not do much to preserve our safety. But it's a reaction, not an actual idea of what should be done, or going on. So, I just stare up at the cranes moving across the downtown sky, and listen to the seagulls acting rather cranky out there on the water, not sure why they seem so agitated. Maybe the glaring lights at 3:30 in the morning?

I even got a new porno video in the mail today, P.M. Productions' Wet Sports, Yellow Hanky Left from their mid 80's Hanky Code compilation series. Even the promise of Jack Wrangler isn't snapping me out of this............

OK, by tomorrow i'll force myself to talk porn again, I swear

Tuesday, October 23, 2001

I am the otter, goo goo g'joob

my favorite part: "As lovers, otters are tenacious and have remarkably vital libidos."

What's your animal personality?
Bjork on REVERB; Bjork's Boston shows downloaded, and listened to last night. But today, kinda depressed about the dog-man not calling me back.......... oh well. Being unemployed, maybe I'm not in the best position to be a dog-owner just yet, but I was getting pretty psyched about it - worried, and nervous about being capable and disciplined enough to train and take proper care of this 8-month old cutie, but still, was really looking forward to it...........

a few weeks back, a late night at The Phoneix, I was playing around with the bartender's dog, Nico. Jim came running over to me saying "would you like a puppy?" Huh? "There's this cute puppy that's the talk of my dogrun, she needs a home" Sappy me, I wimper "a puppy needs a home?, awwwwwww, well, um, what do I do?" So, to make a longish story a bit shorter, I called the guy, he seemd quite enthusiastic, and we agreed to meet a few days later, at the dogrun near my house. That day, I waited for 45 minutes at the dogrun, looking at every dog coming inside, thinking "are you my puppy?" Even the ones that were clearly not black mixed-pitt dogs with a single white spot on their backs, I looked closely at each, wondering "are you my puppy?" But, after 45 minutes, I gave up, walking home, thinking maybe he had called, was running late, so I tried each public phone on the way, the first 3 not working at all, the 4th, let me know there was a message, but I couldn't retrieve it. I ran home, got the message, it was him, running late. I ran back to the park, and found the blue FDNY shirt above the 2 dogs - his blonde full-grown dog, plus the black pup that he had taken in after it had followed him and his dog home one day 8 weeks ago. We talked awhile, he let me take her for a walk, and she was strong, pulling constantly, distracted by all the activity in the park, but was sweet, and beautiful. The guy, Mark, was real cool, telling me not to feel pressured, that he'll keep her until he finds a good home, and then offered a "trial run" saying I could have her for a bit, see how it goes, if I am up to it, if she likes me, etc. Wonderful. Subsequently, in the dogbook I'm reading, I see it's a good sign when the owner offers to take the dog back if there's a problem, chances are it's from a "good home" (taken care of properly). He found her in late August, was supposed to get her "fixed", shots, etc on Sept 12, but, well, you know. He was not a talker, and I wanted to be respectful of his "personal life" but couldn't ignore that he's a fireman, so I asked "and how are you doing?" - he mumbled behind his sunglasses "nothing but funerals, rather not talk about it" as his eyes swelled up a bit. I changed the subjest quickly, to his relief, and said something about "not wanting to jinx it, by not thinking about names for the puppy" (he had mentioned he hadn't named her). But he looked down at her, and said, "well, I like Little Dog" as he grabbed at her schnoz playfully, and she looked up at him lovingly; "that's what I've been calling her". We talked just a bit more, agreeing to meet up the following weekend, so I can begin a trial week. As I handed the leash back to him, I got all sad, and even said, "gee, handing her back is tough, I guess that's a good sign" He smiled weakly, I shook his hand, said something about looking forward to next week, and we parted.

I cried on the way home, such a goofball. Imagining his pent-up emotions about being an NYC fireman, and taking care of this puppy for the past month, probably something to look forward to, probably something that gave him some comfort, even more than his other dog, in a way. His attempt at being private, controlled, somehow made it all the more touching to me, and I wondered how tough that must be, to sort of have this open-wound, that strangers will want to say something of comfort, and yet, how terrible it must be to have that thrust upon you constantly, without warning, at times that you don't want it.......

So, I've gathered several books, a gate and even one of those crates (actually, a huge plastic carrier) - fortunately all borrowed, from a nearby pal who was real excited I was getting a dog, sharing all sorts of his own puppy stories. I've had nightmares, wondering if I would be a good "owner" (master??); I've found myself on my couch, watching T.V., tapping the side, as if to call my dog over, the dog that I don't have. I called last week, leaving a message that I'm looking forward to this,and again leaving my phone number. I haven't heard back. Well, I hope that what has happened is that he's decided he wants to keep her, but I would want him to call and tell me, so I can "move on". And then, I can get more serious, and get over to one of those shelters (like BARC, in Brooklyn) that I'd been thinking about for months. It's not like there aren't a zillion animals that could use a good home, right?

Monday, October 22, 2001

Bjork on Leno ...... she does Cocoon ... and my fave Homo couple, MATMOS, doing that massage/music/thing behind her - sooooooooo great!

birthday boys

I have not sold myself to God

".......I would measure the success of a night by the way by the way by the amount of piss and seed I could exude over the columns that nestled the P.A. Some nights I'd surprise everybody by skipping off with a skirt of green net sewed over with flat metallic circles which dazzled and flashed. The lights were violet and white. I had an ornamental veil, but I couldn't bear to use it. When my hair was cropped, I craved covering, but now my hair itself is a veil, and the scalp inside is a scalp of a crazy and sleepy Comanche lies beneath this netting of the skin. I wake up. I am lying peacefully I am lying peacefully and my knees are open to the sun. I desire him, and he is absolutely ready to seize me. In heart I am a Moslem; in heart I am an American; in heart I am Moslem, in heart I'm an American artist, and I have no guilt. I seek pleasure. I seek the nerves under your skin. The narrow archway; the layers; the scroll of ancient lettuce. We worship the flaw, the belly, the belly, the mole on the belly of an exquisite whore. He spared the child and spoiled the rod. I have not sold myself to God."

do-able bloggers

some months back, while imming with another blogger, I mentioned to him my idea of doing a list of "do-able bloggers" - since I had yet (and still have not) figured out how to do that sidelinks thingee on this Blogger page, I thought I'd just list the guys I read with the reason(s) I consider them do-able - smart, witty, hung, you know. He loved the idea, and a few others I've mentioned this to seemed to, as well. Of course, like most things, I can talk about it, but I am too lazy to actually do it. But also, I thought, what if I were to offend someone, by listing, or worse, by NOT listing them! So, another silly fun idea in the waste basket (amongst my other reasons for not doing the list is that there are quite a few i would indeed want to "do" , so I doubted that publicly humiliating myself would get me to where I hope to go, ya know?)...

but, after having exchanged some emails over the past few months, some about porn, some about somewhat more serious issues like religion, hope, despair, music (isn't that a serious one?), and then a couple fantastic emails this weekend, I have a lil blog-crush! Maybe it has something to do with the 5th beer I was drinking last night (if you know me, you know 2 beers is quiet enough) when that super revved up megamix of It's Raining Men came blasting on the speakers at The Cock. Or maybe it's one of my usual safe-crushes (over 800 miles away, sure I can flirt with you, and make an ass out of myself) but still, since he sounds like my last boyfriend who rarely had moments of being **emotionally available** - this might've been the ideal time to go down to Atlanta and look for that nightclub from my college years where I first heard It's Raining Men - if only I wasn't afraid of getting on an airplane and having someone spill greeting card confetti on me.......

Sunday, October 21, 2001

new shirt, new glasses, even got a new jockstrap to wear to the COCK tonight........ hyperboy, indeed!

fuck new york. fuck you all.

hmmm, not sure, really, how to take that, Mr Green. While I could attempt to counter the sentiments you are expressing by pointing out a few politcal "facts" (my opinions, when I say them loud enough, I consider them to be facts) - like, Rudy can't run for re-election, our charter bans that, and it's a bit too late to change the Charter, our mayoral election is in 2 weeks; or, I don't think he's running for president in 2004, after all, Mr Bush will easily get the nomination in his party, and despite Rudy's views on abortion and immigration issues, he is still a Republican. Of course, there is the flippant response - "excuse me, you're watching VH-1 ferchrissakes, need I say more?"

But, more to the point, you do bring up some troubling issues, not all explicit in what you write, many not intended, perhaps. Like the issue of "what is a hero?" - I won't pretend to have an answer, or even much of an opinion, because, as I've learned since my Act-Up days, the world is not black and white, it's very very grey, unbearably so, sometimes. For example, American soldiers. It took a long time for many of us to accept the Vietnam vets as mostly good guys, as opposed to the polarized views of the early 70's (I was rather young, but could never figure out, back then, why anyone could be a soldier for an unjust war) when some were spit on, jeered, upon their return to this country. And think about how the former Prez Bush was soooo popular after the Gulf War, to see his popularity sink, as folks felt dissapointed, disillusioned, that the "evil-doer", Mr Saddam Hussein, was still in power, and so we therefore didn't think alot about the soldiers who fought that war, as we not-so-guiltily filled our SUV's with cheap gas in the 90's. Should we judge these men and women on what many see as a failure? A failure not of their own making, but of the political process, of our political leaders? Some of the soldiers joined up, no doubt, hoping for some good training, a decent education, and had a reasonable expectation not to be sent off to war. Some joined with genuine hopes and intentions to "give to their country" - something I doubt I could do, in that manner, even now as I am still inhaling the fumes drifting up from downtown, my pacifism challenged quite severely, making me even more irritable and angry than usual these past few weeks..... It's hard to do, and if I were to judge these folks, I hope I am looking into their hearts, their intentions, and not the ultimate result, like the cops and firemen, and the office workers who rushed back into that burning and collapsing building.....

An interesting sign in Thompkins Sq Park a few weeks back was posted near the make-shift candle memorial. I don't remember the whole thing, but basically, the jist of it was, "don't call me a hero, I just went to work that day, like the rest of you, to do my job, to make a living, to pay my bills - I am not a hero simply because something terrible happened to me, and not you, that day." Many folks are struggling with how to honor those "ordinary folks", and yes, the fundraisers can be really hard to take, with celebrities doing ridiculous and distasteful things (I almost threw up watching Tony Danza recite the Pledge at the beginning of Miss America), and politicians having, at best, mixed-motives, with the FLAG-colored construction helmets at WTC being given out to celebrities/politicians/money-givers instead of ordinary yellow helmets.

How can we not be cynical? The anthrax thing is the one that I've poked fun at the most; perhaps after 20 years of living on this island, how many gay men in Manhattan are taking that particular scare seriously? "oh, I have to take some antibiotics? can I still do X? is it safe to mix with Viagra? Combivir? Saquinavir?"

I dunno, I dunno, i dunno, I DUNNO!!!

lemme just stick to porn.........
Site Temporarily Unavailable....

gee, and I am switching over from Geocities for this? what I don't get is why Mr Homo's site isn't down like the rest of us!

Saturday, October 20, 2001

....... today, moody M music from múm and mogwai

Friday, October 19, 2001

As the victim is disrobed and showered.........
Right there in the office?.......

For those concerned with collection of suspended aerosol particles, consider from MesoSystem Technology ...
The BioCapture™ BT-550 Air Sampler

ok, so maybe it's not funny, but I saw this on CNN this morning (not available to the general public, but...), we've been inhaling asbestos for 6 weeks here, and god-knows-what else, and watching the CONGRESS flee Washington, D.C., all the while telling the public to "carry on with your normal day, go to the mall, spend money" - it's just getting a little ridiculous!

Happy Birthday, Divine!

Much more interesting pics here. Anything new on the turntable these days, Mr. 12 inch? I sure could use something uplifting, if you know what I mean. And don't forget, you still have all weekend to shop for the other Libra; just make sure the return address is clearly marked. ( One suggestion..............)

By the way, Mr Green, here's a pic from the exact moment I came during the opening scene from Descent.

Thursday, October 18, 2001

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

apologies in advance to anyone who may come down with a case of ANTHRAX, and god forbid, get sick and well, die from it. BUT, as we all know, it's getting a bit out of hand. Like, why is it that 2 SENATE offices have found "spores" in their offices, so the HOUSE of Representatives shuts down for 5 days? Not to mention that one of them, is the Democratic leader (Daschle) and the other (Feingold) is the only Senator who voted against the friggin' anti-terrorism bill. And abortion clinics getting Anthrax threats - um, does anyone really think the Taliban terrorists are offended that Americans are having abortions (and presumably, producing less evil Americans)? And yes, I realize that as I write this, it's spreading (the scare, at least) into more government and media offices (sorry, CBS, Governor Pataki).

PLEASE remember that if you start donning rubber gloves to open your mail, that most of these disposable rubber gloves are lined with a small amount of TALCUM powder, so please don't freak out later when you see that white powder on your hands and clothes!

The other day, waiting for my one-hour eyeglasses to get processed, I was standing on the corner of 5th Ave and 20th street, in my 12-year-old 4-prescriptions-ago glasses, and I heard a siren. Fire Engine speeding from the west, coming toward me, and guess what? NONE of the friggin' cars moved!!! Lights flashing, sirens roaring, and it was a good 2 minutes before these stupid 3 cars got out of the way, the fire truck blowing it's horn like mad. Me, across the street, in bad eyeglasses, could see that these cars had NO ONE in their way - no pedestrians crossing, the 5th avenue traffic was non-existant, and these idiots didn't move (probably in an anthrax-freak-out daze, unable to respond to the BIG RED NOISY TRUCK behind them!) And it happened again yesterday morning, on Ave B, some guy in a car actually cut off a fire truck that had its lights flashing and siren going!

So, millions of Americans take CIPRO, driving up the stock value of Bayer, or whoever makes it. Those Bin Laden folks sell off their stocks, having made more money they need for their evil-doing plans. Then they start sending off some run-of-the-mill scarey disease, or they don't even need to bother, because millions of Americans have by now developed antibiotic resistance. And did ya know that CIPRO is already in your food? Yup, looks like the stuff is fed to chickens.

okay.... next scare: Post Office is mailing a postcard to ALL AMERICANS on how to handle mail - who's gonna be the first one to send out some paranoid e-mail about DON'T TOUCH THE POST CARD FROM THE POST OFFICE!!!
ok, enuf, you didn't come here for a lecture, just porn, right? And yes, yesterday's feature Rough Trades was fantastic! But, alas, as happened in the opening sequence of Daddy Dearest, the closing sequence of Rough Trades had an aerial shot of Manhattan's skyline, with of course, a view of you-know-what ........ I guess there is no escape!

Wednesday, October 17, 2001

Die smininglye Genialitaet zersaegter Wuerste. Bj!

...... I wonder what it means.........?

this guy who used to have an Eric Stryker/Noel Kemp website just sent me a couple of porno videos - 1st up is Jack Deveau's Rough Trades - an unedited copy that you just can't find! The guy pictured, David Gorsky, is a telephone repairman - let's just say he makes a lovely hand puppet. Ooooh, ooooh, Myles Longue is in this one, too! Later will be Morning, Noon, and Night, a film that Joe Gage
is in, as an actor! Gotta run..........

woah! the phone man is taking an eggplant up his...

Tuesday, October 16, 2001

a good day....

got my HYPERBOY t-shirt in the mail today!!!!

learned (sorta) how to make CD labels (well, at least putting a pic on the disc, which is really enough) so I can give these Bjork live Radio City shows to a bar buddy tonight - and thanks for the CD LABELER, MT!!

oooh, had a "meeting" with a guy who makes/wholesales cockrings! Got a free sample - velcro - very lightweight, and much to my pleasnat surprise, it doesn't seem to yank on my pubes! We'll see if it can stand up to some serious, well, you know.... So, I put in an order for some, and he was a really nice guy (lots of stories from the "old days", but that was cool, too) is giving me a good deal, and might even put my web address on the labels so folks will remember who to contact for more cockrings - cool, eh?

salute this!

DIVINE's birthday is this Friday; begin the celebration today by checking out some previously unseen great pics on my pal Jeff's John Water's site.

adding some AIDEN SHAW (my fave MODERN porn star) mags to my eBAY auctions -- you may remember him from such films as Descent (I came during the haircut scene!), Grease Guns (he f*cks Donnie Russo), and Reunion (best rimming of Cliff Parker I've ever seen, not to mention Aiden's spunk on Cliffy's goateed face!) - Cliffy, by the way, is my 2nd fave, especially after he got rid of the big hair and stopped shaving his chest!

Monday, October 15, 2001

  • confetti
  • surgary substance
  • foot powder
  • talcum powder

  • e-vigilantes are way cool!
    So, exactly how do they meet?
    A sit-com about a couple who meet after their spouses are killed in the WTC tragedy? I thought I was reading The Onion, but no, CBS wants to be "topical" or something like that...

    Do they bump heads as each is bending over lighting candles in Union Square ? Maybe they get in a light-hearted scrap as they fight over who saw the lamp-post first, each tearing down the other's missing poster? Or perhaps on their way to the Family Assistance Center at Pier 94, both rounding the same corner they knock each other over, and their spouse's DNA samples get mixed together, causing a hilarious (yet moving) argument??

    ahhhhh, television .......

    Sunday, October 14, 2001

    TOTALTOPMAN [9:28 PM]: Hi Again
    BJland [9:28 PM]: hey man
    TOTALTOPMAN[9:28 PM]: whats going on in NYC tonight
    BJland [9:28 PM]: well, I cant speak for the whole town....
    BJland [9:29 PM]: but i'm just goofing around, TV, thinking about pizza... the usual Sat night
    TOTALTOPMAN [9:29 PM]: I love pizza
    BJland [9:30 PM]: there's a good place near here - TWO BOOTS, nice thin crust...
    BJland [9:31 PM]: so what's happening in NJ?
    TOTALTOPMAN [9:31 PM]: yummy:-P
    TOTALTOPMAN [9:32 PM]: Jersey Sucks as usual
    BJland [9:32 PM]: awwww
    BJland [9:32 PM]: (well i do, for the right guy...)
    TOTALTOPMAN [9:32 PM]: Can I ask you a personal Question ?
    BJland [9:33 PM]: what was the question?
    TOTALTOPMAN [9:33 PM]: are you a masculine Guy ?
    BJland [9:34 PM]: gee, i wouldnt know how to answer that, i'm just a guy
    TOTALTOPMAN [9:36 PM]: Do you like masculine guys ?
    BJland [9:37 PM]: sounds alright - but maybe i dont really know what you mean by that..
    TOTALTOPMAN [9:37 PM]: can you bring me some thin crust pizza ?
    BJland [9:37 PM]: bring you? i dont have the car, remember?
    TOTALTOPMAN [9:37 PM]: guys who act like guys
    BJland [9:37 PM]: well, i dont ACT, i just am.... so, i guess i'm not really getting it
    TOTALTOPMAN [9:39 PM]: ok

    and then he was gone..... maybe I need to be more direct? Like:
    "Do you mean - do I squeal like a big girl when I get impossible-to-get Bjork secret-show tickets on-line?" -- FUCK YA!
    "Do I get emotional after asking the Fireman with the puppy who needs a home how's he doing, and he mumbles 'nothing but funerals, rather not talk about it' ?" -- FUCK YA!
    "Do I know all Tippie Hedron's lines from The Birds? " -- FUCK YA!
    "Do I know how to make a guy's cock stand straight up with just some light flicks with my tongue just under his balls, and some heavy breathing on his cock head?" -- FUCK YA!
    "Do I plan on having a guy over from Jersey who has just spent the last 2 days asking for pics of my hairy chest, my hairy crotch, my hairy ass, my hairy chest again, who has only managed to send me a pic of himself, face shielded by his baseball cap, standing in front of his corvette convertible, who thinks his big car makes him 'masculine' ?" --- HELL NO!

    Saturday, October 13, 2001

    Saturday night, watching the tube, surfing AOL chatrooms, waiting for the f**kin' pizza to arrive, I am again puzzled by one of my fellow AOL'ers - with a screenname like buttmuncher, why are you only sending me pictures of your ass?? Shouldn't I get a pic of what it is that will be doing the munching?

    Friday, October 12, 2001

    SEX; sunday, monday, wednesday

    I guess sex 3 times in 4 days is pretty good, eh? Well, of course, it wasn't all good sex; Sunday was awful, Wednesday was forgettable, but Monday was really really nice. Let me try to sort this out.

    Sunday Normally, I love public sex. For the obvious reasons, like watching, being watched, and even for the fact that if it's not going well, you can just walk away and not hurt anyone's feelings. But Sunday night was way too crowded, in that panicky "I don't know if I can breath" way. But I had already agreed to meet this guy there, and when I saw him, was suprised that he had gained "a few pounds" since I last saw him some years ago. Now, if you read my earlier account, you know that I left that night with my glasses broken, and had to walk my bike home, blind. See, this guy insisted I take my jacket off, and put it on this couch behind us, even though I knew it could get lost, sat on, fall to the sticky ground, etc. Then he took my shirt off. But once he started fucking my face, that's when it turned sour. You see, there's an art to fucking a face, and you need to be aware of your cock/belly ratio. If you have an average sized cock and average sized belly, then you ought to stand straight up, so as to give maximum access to your cock, without the belly getting in the way. If you have a bigger than average cock, and a smaller than average belly, then you have the luxury of thrusting your body forward, backward, sideways, whatever... your cock will adequately find its target, and your partner will take good care of you.

    But, if you have a, um, er, smaller than average cock, and larger than average belly, it's key that you make sure you only use your hips to thrust forward, while leaning in a backward manner above the waist. And DO NOT lean forward, as your belly not only pushes into the face of your partner, but makes it extremely difficult to get your cock into your partner's mouth - again, the bigger the belly, smaller the cock, the more difficult this is. Add to that eyeglasses, and you can see why I had to take my glasses off!! So, struggling to secure my glasses into my jacket pocket, with this crowd moving and pushing all around me, I was fairly confident that I had gotten them into the pocket safely, buttoning the pocket up , so I continued. But then someone sat on the couch just behind me, and it made me concerned. Then my partner, who had insisted on putting my stuff on this couch, leans over and goes to sit on the couch. So, I went to grab my jacket from underneath him, and that's when I realized I couldn't find my glasses. So, in the dark and crowded room, I'm trying to find them. No one would move, despite saying directly into their ears, "please move, I lost my glasses" - not even the guys who were clearly "not involved" in any activity other than watching. Eventually I went up to the front, and the deejay got one of his boys to take a flashlight and assist me. We headed back there, with the flashlight on, and as crowded as it was, once the flashlight went on, they scattered like cockroaches! Back in the corner where I was, I found them quickly enough, all knarled, one lens popped out, and obviously quite useless. I went back to the front, saw my partner, who seemed perplexed that I wanted to leave, but then offered to walk me home. I was in no mood to be in the position of assuring him I was alright, so I just said, "gotta go, be alone" and dashed out of there.
    I think the word is houseboy!

    Thursday, October 11, 2001

    black lilies
    totally ripe

    Bjork on HBO this Wednesday night (Reverb) - It's the Riverside Chapel show that I saw on Sept 5th (gosh, that seems so very long ago) PLEASE SOMEONE TAPE THIS FOR ME. I may still find someone who has HBO, but just in case. It's less than an hour, and the show isn't just her (Sigur Ros is also featured). Also, if you haven't heard the acapella version of Hidden Place or the David Letterman show recording of Pagan Poetry, well YOU SHOULD! I mean, i'd be happy to Email you a copy of either, or both.

    did someone say 3-way?
    leaving the Cock around 3ish, both of the gentleman I was with said "Oh God, that smell" as we looked to the sky, seeing a clear, crisp night, beautiful half moon, with the reminder in our noses that there are still people working downtown.....

    oh yeah, the sex. well, it took longer than I would've wanted it to, you know me, I'm thinking about ice cream and the baked pasta I had made earlier. Both men were handsome, one I had dated for, um, well, 2 dates, I think, around 2 years ago. But our host seemed a bit unfocused, turning the tv on at one point while i had both cocks in my face; or leaving the room for five or ten minutes, coming back with a vial of poppers. I'm such a wuss, I should've just whacked off and said "thanks fellas" but i'm too polite, I said I was into a 3-way, so how can I now say, "What's in the fridge? You got any salsa and chips?" Somebody mentioned fucking, and somebody else said "naw, not now" I don't think either was me, I was somewhere else - from images of scarey stuff still floating in and out of my mind, to the thoughts of food that always pre-occupy me after 4 a.m., getting up way way too early to meet a friend on Friday, and meeting a stranger (I think he's a fireman) at the dogrun on Saturday (more on that if it works out), and back to wondering if anyone in this room would actually CUM in this lifetime!!

    Mickey Squires and Joe Paducah. Yup, selling porn again. If you have an eBay acccount, check out my adult auctions. Don't know a lot about Paducah, except that he did a lot of modeling for Zeus (well, and that's he's f*&kin' beautful!); Squires did modeling and some films for Colt and starred in such films as The Brig and a favorite of mine, Joe Gage's Red Ball Express.


    SunNfunboy [11:40 PM]: hey man... how r u tonight?
    BJland [11:41 PM]: doing alright, you?
    SunNfunboy [11:41 PM]: not bad... horny tonight
    BJland [11:43 PM]: seems to be going around...
    SunNfunboy [11:43 PM]: yeah.... but most guys here in NYC are way to picky...
    BJland [11:44 PM]: hmmm, in what way?
    SunNfunboy [11:44 PM]: not good looking enough/too good looking/not fat enough...
    BJland [11:45 PM]: you've gotten all that tonight?
    SunNfunboy [11:46 PM]: yeah... I guess when they say they are horny... they mean you have to be mr right
    BJland [11:46 PM]: well, horny shouldnt mean that you fuck just anything that moves!

    (and then he was gone.... ooops, did i say something wrong?)

    Wednesday, October 10, 2001

    Swirling black lilies totally ripe

    ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!! ohmygodohmygodohmygod ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!!ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!!!!!!!ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!!
    ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!!!! ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!!
    I've just watched the video for BJORK's Pagan Poetry like 16 times in a row!!!!

    Tuesday, October 09, 2001

    Nicknamed the "Glory Hole" by locals....

    Now, why would a friend find this post card and send it to me saying, "thinking of you"??

    Apparently, Lake Berryessa lies in the easternmost Northern California Coast Ranges' foothills. It is an artificial reservoir capped by Monticello Dam, and from time to time it needs help with the overflow. The overflow outlet for Lake Berryessa has been nicknamed the "Glory Hole" by locals
    Condition Omega

    naw, I don't wanna think, or write about, every truck coming in and out of Manhattan being searched....... I need a good dose of ART - I had some good sex last night, more on that later....

    these are by Stuart Davis; the larger, color one on the left is Abstract Vision of New York: A Building, A Derby Hat (actually, I just looked thru a book of his work, the title is longer..) the smaller one on the right is a study for Men Without Women (the flag is not in the mural itself, I noticed n the Stuart book I found), a mural that was recently returned to Radio City's men's restroom as part of it's restoration project - beautiful, but I am so far unable to locate an image of the mural itself. I saw it for the first time Friday night when I was there for Bjork's concert - I love how one beautiful thing can lead you to many others.......

    She used as a backdrop for the second part of her shows these beautiful prints by Ernst Haeckel, from his 1904 Art Forms In Nature So, yes, I have them on my secret AMAZON wish-list (not sure the point of it being a secret, but we'll wait to figure that one out later, when I have a job, and can get therapy like any other self-respecting New Yorker ); meanwhile, I think it's a perfect day for a trip to The Strand, to at least look at, if I can't afford to buy, something beautiful.

    Monday, October 08, 2001

    And I feel like a beetle on its back
    And there's no way for me to get up
    Love'll get you like a case of anthrax
    And that's something I don't want to catch

    (scarey to see the ads that come up when you search google for "gang of four" anthrax lyrics)

    i love him, i love him, i love him, i love him

    did i mention how great Matmos were at the Bjork shows last week? well, this guy (is he Martin, or Drew?) had on this white belt (which normally would disturb me, but instead, looking thru binoculars, I was quite fascinated) and scruffy, well-worn jeans, and each time he bent over to do something, I could see the small of his back - very, very lickable!

    "And I pledge to make sure every member of the press has one of these humanitarian daily ration packs to wave in front of the camera while reporting on the war"

    baseball cap getting lost in the backroom is funny; losing glasses, finally finding them, squished and uni-lensed, walking home blind, is NOT

    well, it was super-crowded last night, maybe it was the 3-day weekend, maybe it was the state of the world.... Having had only a few slurps from my beer, I pushed myself into the back, and found some rather fuzzy balls in my mouth. The guy above me says to someone "Are those mesh?" His new pal responds, "yes, and they were only 12 dollars!" "Really? Where did you get them?!!" Somehow, I lost the mood, and stood up, trying to push my way to another part of the densely packed room. Fuzzy-balls guy grabbed my shoulder, and thanked me. Should I have known then that the evening would only get worse?

    Sunday, October 07, 2001

    "It's a sacrifice we gladly make for the country''
    Emmys canceled in wake of military strike in Afghanistan - get a grip, you idiots! That's a sacrifice???
    got a match?
    of the several instant messages that were on my screen this morning, I only emailed one with an apology - "sorry I missed your message, but I fell asleep with the computer still on..." And, to my pleasant surprise, he emailed back (his original message complimented my AOL profile and pic)...... seeing he was online, I messaged him:

    BjLand [12:10 PM]: hey man
    RobDwntn [12:10 PM]: hey guy
    BjLand [12:11 PM]: just getting dressed to meet up with a friend, but thought i'd say hi in "real time"
    BjLand [12:11 PM]: like your stats/profile
    RobDwntn [12:11 PM]: thank you . .wanna trade for another time?
    BjLand [12:11 PM]: sure
    RobDwntn [12:11 PM]: k
    BjLand [12:13 PM]: wow.... (his pic is more adorable looking than his profile would let on....)
    BjLand [12:13 PM]: i mean, nice
    RobDwntn [12:13 PM]: thanks for trading, but its not a match for me . i loved the quote in your profile, tho

    so, what's the f$%^&in' socially acceptable response to that???

    (and yeah, he's the guy, based solely on his profile and messaged compliment that I imagined snuggling in bed with in the post below!)

    well, didn't get too far in reviewing the porno, but got some scans of box covers, etc. Spent most of last night in chat rooms, but didn't get any real action until after I fell asleep! Seriously, I woke up this morning and found I had left the computer on, and all these instant messages on my screen from guys - bears, short guys with thick ones, men who wanted more than just a quick hook-up.... lots of flattery about my profile and pic - aw well, anything after 3 a.m. and before 8 a.m. I should take with a grain of salt. But there was one 30 year old with an adorable profile from around 9 a.m., and I'm thinking "maybe he's not a partier, he actually gets up early on Sundays, goes out and gets the paper, and I'm supposed to have coffee waiting for him when he gets home, and we crawl back in bed and read while snuggling.........."

    just as well, I look like shit lately, have a sort-of beard (meaning I shaved my neck 5 days ago, but the rest of the face hasn't seen a razor in 2 weeks), my bald-head look has grown out a bit, but in that sticking-straight-up way that is far from attractive. And have you seen this guy's finger?? He's got nothing on my little toe infection - believe me, you don't want a picture of my purple, inflamed, scabby toe - I can barely put shoes on these days....

    Gee, Columbus Day - might be a fun night at The Cock (somehow, when they charge 10 bucks instead of 8, the boys are a lot looser, and more fun!)

    Saturday, October 06, 2001


    cool, rainy day here. But a pal gave me 5-6 compilation porn videos the other day, and another pal and I met up a few minutes ago, and he gave me 10 porn videos - most of them I will sell, but I have to inspect/review them all - you know, quality control is very importnat here in BJLAND. Some titles:
  • The Rites of Summer (1989)
  • Czech In & Out (1997)
  • The Journey(1996)
  • Dial Justice(1991)
  • Maneuvers Part2: Ambush
  • International Guide to the Fine Art of Fellatio (1989)
  • Body Scorcher
  • Frisky Memories (BelAmi)
  • Thinking Big (Eric Stryker, yum!)
  • OffDuty Maneuvers

    looks like I'll be busy for awhile, but feel free to check in on my adult eBay auctions over the next few days as I post them...

  • Friday, October 05, 2001


    now, if only I could see Bjork twice a week for the next few weeks........, I'm an irritable neurotic freak lately..... but Bjork was great, and I had a fantastic time! Even more, I got to spend the evening with such a great pal. In an odd way, it almost makes me feel okay about being so saddened lately. My friends, the silly shit I get to do, the fun I have; it makes sense to be so upset about that being taken away from other folks so senselessly.

    Thursday, October 04, 2001

    tonight, Radio City
    capacity: 5,600

    why aren't I excited?

    Tuesday Nite
  • Beer #1 Having passed the female cop guarding the Ave A power station, I went to the Phoenix, 2-for-1. Crowd was small for a beer special nite, didn't see anyone I knew, and I could tell I was in my usual irritable mood anyway, so I quickly downed the draft beer, and went for a bike ride. Canal St is still lined with various types of cops, behind barracades, mostly just standing around talking to each other, occasionally checking I.D.'s of cars trying to head south. Over on the West Side Hwy, passing state troopers in greenish uniforms, 3 guys are still doing the "Thank You Brigade" holding signs, flags, etc as vehicles drive past. Lots of yellow ribbons are still tied to the fence along the bikepath, and a few tattered candle/flower memorials are still there. I stopped at one, saw there was no way to light any of the worn-down candles, and slowly got back on my bike, catching the eye of a cop. He gently smiles, that "knowing look" that is mostly gone from folks, but seems instinctual at moments like this, 2 am, along the river, him guarding a parking lot of official vehicles, me looking at the splattering of dried flowers leaning against a few "missing posters".
  • Beer #2 Heading back east, I figure the Ramrod might be a good spot to stop, and I quickly grab some sort of 4 dollar beer. Within minutes, a guy starts up a conversation, and although at first I was rather cool to him, he kept the conversation going, talking about the "good old days" in his neighborhood, Chelsea, and we compared notes of our history in New York. He's lived over there for close to 25 years, and I've lived mostly in the Lower East Side for 18 years. Conversation turned to vintage porn films, me finishing his sentences when he brought up names like Scorpio, PM Productions, George Payne, etc. Was a nice distraction, but a few minutes after an old pal of his appears, I make my excuses and leave, hopping on the bike, heading east on 20th St.

    "Where do you think you're going!!??" he barked. I stopped my bike, walked it back a few feet to the police van parked on the corner, and looked in to see the swarthy cop in the driver's seat. I simply explained I was heading to 2nd ave. to then turn south, and his demeanor changed, gently telling me only residents are allowed on the block. We both made our apologies ("sorry I rode past you so fast" "sorry I startled you by yelling"). And if you want me to rate how HOT he was on a 7-10 scale, I won't. That's tacky.
  • Beer #3 At The Cock, with the shrill early 80's soul-disco blasting, nothing really clicked for me there. I didn't even want to smoke any pot, which I usually do once I feel some good music, a good mood, or spot some cuties I want to stare at from afar. I got my 5 dollar beer, roamed around the place like a dog who couldn't quite find that comfy spot to land in, and didn't last there much longer than the beer. I walked back to the Phoneix, leaving my bike parked in front of the Cock, knowing I would most likely be back (although it was well after 3 at this point). Peering thru the window, I saw less than 4 people inside, so I didn't bother going in.
  • Beer #4 I was just unlocking my bike, and hopping on the seat, when 2 cabs stop in front of the Cock, and a drag queen gets out of one cab, some tall, modelish guys get out of the other. She comes over to me, says "Where we going?" and I say "Hop on, you tell me" She straddles the bike behind me, as the guys from the other cab start squealing stuff like "ooh girl, how you doin'???" She scream some sort of hello, turns back to me and says "Why are you leaving so early?" "I ran out of beer money" and she grabs my hand, and tells me to lock up my bike. She asks my name, then gives me hers - Girlina (which I knew already). It takes forever to get from the curb inside the bar, as everyone had to stop her and say hello, kiss kiss, etc. Inside, she takes my jacket, puts it somewhere in the deejay booth, then asks me what I'm drinking (all the while kiss kiss with tons of fabulous people, of course). Once we get our drinks, she pulls herself up on the bar, spreads her legs, and pulls me in, asking me questions. Being older than she thought, unemployed, boring - all these things seemed to get her more excited, as she pulled at my chest hairs, laughing, and still working the crowd of admirers who kept streaming in at 3:30 a.m. Quite honestly, it was rather fun, made me laugh, even when she offered "look, you don't have to stay here just cuz I bought you a drink, you see something you like, go for it!" Soon the lights came up, she joked about me riding her home, but she no longer lives in the neighborhood, so we said our goodnights........ Riding home, the smell of downtown's smoke still in the air, I see the woman cop in her patrol car, in front of the power station, in the background one of the few candlight memorials around that still has lit candles , and she looked up briefly from her comic book as I passed.
  • Wednesday, October 03, 2001

    Leaving Bendix on 1st Ave Tuesday night, we were hit with the drifting smell of burning. Yup, occasionally that smell gets up here still - 3 weeks later, and my pal had just tried to reassure me that I wasn't being too unreasonable by not being ready for a resurgence of uniform fetishism. Not to be judgemental, but maybe it's just a bit different here in Manhattan, when you still see the cops guarding the power station on Ave A, you still remember the face of the cop who told you to "get home safe, buddy" after another night of aimless, drunken bike riding, stumbling into the Frozen Zone, hoping to see some great rescue, but only seeing clouds of soot rising, and weary cops trying to stay alert, and looking like anything but. While the parks have cleared most of the candles, the Fire Stations still have reminders, street lamps still have tattered "missing posters" and folks are still down there, finding more remains, diligently pulling them out, doing their jobs....... Gosh, I enjoy sex as much as the next guy, have longed for, and occasionally found, a brief escape there. But I guess it's just too soon to turn these faces that you want to hug, and kiss, and nurture, back into some ol' sex object.

    Yeah yeah, I admit to having given that look to everyone in uniform lately - the "thank you, I'm so sorry, we're with you, need a hug?" look - cops, firemen, ems workers, postal employees, Kmart security guards, yuppies with blue Oxford shirts............. ah, shut up, beer is 2-for-1, get out of the house, fetishize some alcohol....

    Tuesday, October 02, 2001

    good morning beautiful

    What's that word for post-sex depression? Barely 5 minutes after he left, and he was here for over 3 hours, I was sad again. Not that it didn't pop up during the evening we spent together. After we took our first "break" - stopped the kissing and slurping, and just held each other, looking into each other's eyes with those silent questions, wondering....... I didn't pry, didn't ask him his story, just felt myself drift off into "this feels almost as good as.....(last boyfriend)...... but I don't want it to feel that good, not now, not yet"
    Then I tried to get back under his balls, buring my thoughts as deep as my face would let me. Brief flashes of what we all saw too much of on TV 3 weeks back, and many times since, at least he couldn't see the expression on my face, I somehow felt safer buried in there. He suggested more pot, which was fine with me. Usually I'm not comfortable smoking dope with complete strangers, but it was late, he was beautiful, we already had established some good "chemisty", so we took a few more hits. This seemed to get him more affectionate, and more verbal. Maybe it was the music, Sigur Ros, that got to me, but his hands were firm and gentle, and he loved kissing, and this was my first time with someone in 3 weeks when we didn't talk about "it" - maybe it was understood, looking into each other's eyes and deciding not to talk about it, just to comfort each other, enjoy each other. He even recognized Vespertine when I put it on, having skipped the single, Hidden Place and going directly into Cocoon ........

    so, the basics: he lives nearby, he's 38, adorable as hell, extremely hairy below the waist, uncut bouncing cock, one pierced nipple, and loves kisses all over his head (and body, for that matter).

    Hearing It's Not Up to You from Vespertine is when i nearly lost it, such a beautiful song, but such different meaning from what it had been weeks ago........ I think that's why I've avoided listening to the album for most of the past 3 weeks, didn't want it to have this new "post-New World Order" meaning.... phrases like "unthinkable surprises about to happen" clearly were written about the joy of life, but now just make me want to cry in a most unjoyful manner.

    So, back to the adorable boy. We eventually made it into the bedroom, and he was most determined to make it last, no matter how persistant I was in trying to get him to cum. But eventually we did, and it was quite spectacular, I must say. (If I wasn't concerned about the way my goatee would look, once it dried, I wouldn't have gotten up from the bed ten minutes later to wash up). I wished I had invited him to stay, but I wasn't ready for that, or worse, the "no thanks, gotta work, take care of my dog" thing. So, we left it at "see you around" as he passed through the door. I soon found my head inside the refrigerator, looking for a more reliable source of consolation.

    The The's Mind Bomb has been playing a lot on my discman, and computer - probably because it's emotions are so clearly related to these past few weeks, certainly more cynical than i am, or want to be, but no danger here of finding scarey new feelings from a previously beloved record.... it ends with these words....

    Take me beyond love
    Up to something above
    Upon this bed
    Between these sheets
    Take me to a happiness beyond human reach
    Beyond the grasp of lust
    Beyond the need for trust
    Beyond the gaze of the sick and the lame
    Beyond the stench of human pain

    Monday, October 01, 2001

    Ebay items (not mine)


    He reached behind me, grabbing, then tugging, my balls. Holding them firmly in his hand, he pulled harder; you know, that moment just before it starts to really hurt - well he managed to keep it at that moment for about five minutes, as I writhed around, til he finally just pushed my head down. Once the metal ring hit my mouth, I was sure he was the same guy I'd "met" a few months back, barely able to get it half way down. As I shifted myself to get both his balls in my mouth, that seemed to really get him. When my face was firmly under/behind his balls, his moans boarded on embarassing - genuine, but porno-movie sounding. Most of my spunk landed in my boxers, but his went everywhere, with me trying to catch some of it on me.

    I wound up having to stay until the lights went up, because my baseball cap somehow got lost back there. Believe me, you don't want to see what it looked like when I finally found it again (and no, I didn't wear it home, it's getting the boiling water treatment as I type this).