Friday, October 31, 2003

Who Knew?



"You are there as eleven good looking young studs shoot load after load of white hot cum across your screen""

Directed by: Kennith Holloway (1986)
Starring: Cory Monroe, Dave Simms, Jeff Bentley, Jim Bataglia, Mark Matthews, Mike Ram, Sergio Canali, Shadow Joyce, Shane Michaels, and Terry Long; plus, in "non-sex" roles: Gene Morgan, Hollywood Moose, and the inimitable Mark Edwards (who you may remember from Job Site and Making It Huge).

If you've ever seen a porno video that uses Frankie Goes To Hollywood's Relax relentlessly, you've seen a Kenneth Holloway movie. Actually, much like his Job Site, ths one has a playful plot. Here some old guys devise a magic love potion that they use on Halloween, enabling them to look young and attractive so that they can score with the hot young studs they've been lusting after. I strongly suggest you crank the sound on this clip, and let everyone in the office enjoy the hilarious voice over. The guy is amazing!

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Taking a brief break from posting new auctions (but feel free to look at what's up now), as I will be out-of-town for a few days end of next week. This gives me a chance to sort thru some stuff for an early/mid November porn give-away.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Looking for COCK
Many many months ago, I posted a velcro cockring offer with the idea that I'd give away my unsellable velcro cockrings to a few guys, and they'd submit a pic or a story about it after they received it. Well, I'm rather unorganized, and their submissions came in far apart. I neglected to store the pics in one particular place, and this morning I was attempting to find them. When I searched for "cock" on my harddrive, I got 306 files found; cockring yielded 87 files, and velcro 46. Of course, I don't even remember if the guys labeled their pics with any of those words. I thought I sent out 5 cockrings, but can only remember that one went to the West Coast, one to the South, and one somehow found its way to Germany. Maybe after some more coffee I can figure this out.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

OnlineHost: *** You are in "Town Square - m4m nyc now". ***
OnlineHost: Are you ready for a chance to win fame? AOL Keyword: 15 Hours
Puertoricanhart8: hello all whats up guys
Bjland7820: can you repeat that?
TrueLifeBlaze: any fellas that drive thats looking for now - please send email for pics - straight male - very curious (nyc area) pictures in profile and to send - get at me daddies
TrueLifeBlaze: any fellas that drive thats looking for now - please send email for pics - straight male - very curious (nyc area) pictures in profile and to send - get at me daddies
NotoriousPIGNYC: Any HOT TWISTED PIGS in here!? OINK my way AFTER checkin out my FULL profile!

then comes the inevitable instant message:

Bjland7820 [2:28 PM]: hey
Bjland7820 [2:28 PM]: just having some coffee here
Bjland7820 [2:29 PM]: sorry. NOT a party guy
Bjland7820 [2:29 PM]: oh, ok
Bjland7820 [2:30 PM]: i think you have things mixed up
Bjland7820 [2:31 PM]: you want money?
Bjland7820 [2:31 PM]: then YOU get on YOUR knees and SUCK MY COCK, make sure you're smiling, and say THANK YOU SIR when I shoot my load in your 'GOOD LOOKIN 23 Y/O RICAN' face

Speaking of Christmas, have I ever mentioned how much I love jockstraps? While my all-time favorite is the hard-to-get all-cotton pouches, I've been known to enjoy getting my face in the pouches of furrier materials, as well.

Then there's this other thing that's been on my mind for awhile now. Let's say, hypothetically speaking, of course, that one has for the past few years managed to grow one's own dope in one's kitchen. But because of poor planning and general ineptitude, one forgot to get the seeds necessarily last spring to continue this tradition of self-sufficiency. Would it be unwise, and even dangerous, to try to get complete strangers to donate either the raw material, or finished product of this for-the-past-few-years kitchen endeavor? I mean, who wants to take the risk of smoking something that's laced with angel dust? (do people put angel dust in anything anymore?) Who would risk sending illegal material in the mail to a complete stranger, even if he was eternally grateful, and perhaps even willing to dig out some badly duped porno videocassette that's taking up too much room in this overcrowded tiny lower east side apartment?

Monday, October 27, 2003

Um, if you gave me clothing for Christmas last year,
Just got in. Two guys in the outer lobby making out. I said hello as I passed - one is a neighbor, the other someone I'm on "nodding" terms with (you know, he had 4 dates with a pal of mine several years ago, later he was roommates with a guy I had sex with 3 times, including a threeway (not with him), and now I see him around the neighborhood, and always smile and nod, but never stop and talk). I should hate them. Standing there, flaunting the behavior I just spent 3-1/2 hours looking for. But ya can't begrudge people who are kissing. If they were screwing, or exchanging blowjobs, then sure, hating is ok. Curse them, hate them, spit on them even, the whole works. But everyone should kiss whenever they get the chance. And it should be encouraged - a polite hello and smile while passing, saying 'good for you' with your eyes. Sneering and thinking 'I hate you both, you mutherfuckers making me walk right past you to my lonely, empty bed.' That would be wrong.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

Someone took the words away

Sleepy, achey, cranky.

coffee, shower, clothes, work

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Got some stuff over at eBay and NaughtyBids. I accept cash, checks, money orders, or promises of undying love.

Friday, October 24, 2003

I cannot get out of bed lately. Or rather, i can't seem to get to sleep at a decent hour, then find myself sleeping til noon. Sometimes I get up around 9:30 or 10, put the coffee on, take a whiz (why is it 'take' when I'm actually 'giving'?....), then back to bed for a couple more hours. Today it was close to 1pm. Then I am headachy and out of it until i get to work, and it starts all over again that night, can't sleep 'til the sun comes up.... And tomorrow, being Saturday, I need to get up early and be at work at 11am.

So, I need someone to wake me up in the morning. If you have a big fat hard one for me, I'll show my appreciation. Or just some dangling, hairy balls. Otherwise you just get coffee and a quick smooch.

nice tat.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

priest coustume with 1 special jockstrap with inflatable boner action - huh?

Gosh. The horrors of depression have left me with nothing to say 'cept some tacky remark about Liza? How sad. Let's see, I took my suit that I can't fit into to a tailor. Standing in front of 3 strangers, my beer/icecream/burrrito gut straining the waist of the pants, as well as the jacket buttons barely able to meet (and no, I didn't get huge muscular shoulders in the past few years, it's my gut. IT'S MY GUT!) with the woman tailer shaking her head ominously, saying it might be tough, as the fabric is "crap." Great, I have a crappy suit. Even happier now, I ask if maybe I should just go on a diet and save the money on altering the suit. At least they laughed. "So my suit is crap, eh?" I ask. She looks puzzled as she continues feeling the fabirc in the back, and I realize, ahhhhhh, an accent problem. Oh New York. "You mean its' crepe, not crap, right? I don't have a crappy suit, do I?" She laughed, and tried to enunciate "crape, crape." OK, not so depressed. My suit is fine, I'm just fat and it'll only cost 60 bucks to make me look good again.

In other news..... a pal sent me a link to Matmos on WFMU - some live recording from a few weeks back.

Do you think Liza will try to use the Homosexual Panic Defense?

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

I've always wanted to do one of those "blog on hiatus" things that were so trendy about a year ago. Of course, if Mr Hawk Morgan showed up at my door with some rope, I wouldn't heistate for a second jumping on last year's bandwagon. (Of course, that's not the only thing I'd be jumping on.... ba dum dum)

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

I fully realize that looking at some codpiece model in an old issue of After Dark and imagining him pouncing on my ass and working up a good old sweat while holding me tight and growling in my ear how much he wants me and loves me isn't a very productive way of dealing with the blues. And maybe listening to Elvis's North and Bjork's 4th disc on her live BOX SET over and over again the past few days won't exactly cheer me up. But I've been around the block enough to know that cheering up isn't what I want, or need. Feeling blue, moody, depressed even, is quite natural; it happens. What's important is what you do with it. And it's ok to go with it, let the worries and insecurities about life, growing older, still alone, unattached, all that, wash over you. It can be immobilizing; it can make the cool October days, getting shorter each day, make you realize it's gonna be a long, cold, lonely winter. It happens. It won't be the first time, it won't be the last.

Gosh, I've been having the roughest time getting to sleep lately. Mosquitos, subconscious worries of I-don't-know-what, boredom, lonliness, who knows? And then I don't get out of bed til after noon, my brain and body all in a fog, and I can't get shit done. I need some sort of radical change. Like maybe getting fucked a few times a week. To some of you, that may seem like a normal thing (and I hate you), but it's been so long since I've had anybody in my life - and you long-time readers know fucking is not on my regular menu anyway. But maybe some real hard sweaty butt-slappin' nipple-pullin' ear-bitin' ball-tuggin' fucking is in order. Now the hard part - who?

Monday, October 20, 2003

JeSchckn [12:47 PM]: hi
Bjland [12:48 PM]: hey man
JeSchckn [12:48 PM]: how ar eu? at home?
Bjland [12:48 PM]: doing alright, yes, at home
JeSchckn [12:48 PM]: horny? what are u into
JeSchckn [12:48 PM]: i liek yer pics
JeSchckn [12:48 PM]: love hairy men
JeSchckn [12:49 PM]: esp thick pubic hair
Bjland [12:49 PM]: thanks
JeSchckn [12:49 PM]: what are u into
Bjland [12:49 PM]: sex-wise - oral
JeSchckn [12:49 PM]: i liek sucking, rimming, jo, hot talk, kissing and watersports
JeSchckn [12:51 PM]: and u
Bjland [12:52 PM]: oral sex - sucking and ball licking
JeSchckn [12:52 PM]: do u liek getting rimmed? ever do watersports?
Bjland [12:52 PM]: not on a first date
JeSchckn [12:53 PM]: ok bye
How soon is 'soon'? I've had this page bookmarked for about 6 months now (not that I check it every day, that would be obsessive), and still nothing. NOTHING!

Sunday, October 19, 2003

enjoying, very very much, Costello's NORTH

In some ways it makes me think maybe this album is only for hardcore fans, those of us who hear his voice, remember how certain albums reflect some period of our past. Well, perhaps that sounds a bit, um conceited (well, I get it, the rest of you jerks don't). It may actually appeal more to folks who don't have that history of enjoying the early stuff, the punkwave, or pop sounds that were so singable and yet so clever that the lyrics and phrasing just grabbed you. I suppose it doing well on the JAZZ charts should give you some indication of the album's sound - not that you'd think "JAZZ" when you hear it, not at all; but more how most of the best vocalists you'll find in the jazz section of your record store. The album is really just his amazing voice, accompanied of course by some great musicians. It occurred to me this week the similiarity between him and my other favorite (Bjork) - it's this ability to go the range from screaming joys and frustrations to whispering little vulnerable secrets, and mixing it all up as needed. If I had to pick a previous album it comes closest to, perhaps King of America, not really the style, but more in how much the quality of his voice, and ability to find just the right whisper, or not-quite-reached note, that has you sad and comtemplative, yet somehow nourished and not quite so alone - like an old friend holding you tight around the shoulders, saying "I know, I know."

Saturday, October 18, 2003

I just don't know how to pick up men anymore
Thursday afternoon I was riding my bike, and stopped at the corner of 9th and 1st for the red light. 2 bearded men in black hats, both in dark suits, began crossing the street. I noticed each had some sort of long-stemmed flower, and a yellowish, lemon-like gourd in their hands. As they continued crossing, my eyes stayed on the handsome one of the pair, and he turned in my direction, noticing me looking. He stopped in the middle of the road, and said: "Hello. Are you Jewish?"

(what I should have said) "No, but my mother is."

Instead, I meekly replied "Naw" and smiled as he smiled back and continued walking. So I missed what at the least would have been an interesting conversation.

Friday, October 17, 2003


directed by: Lancer Brooks (1977)
Starring: Jack Wrangler, Roger, Al Parker; plus the Christy Twins, Chris Adams, Steve Tracy, Adam Neumar, Jennifer Cashoty, and David Warfield.

I've never found any info on why this was made as a 3-D movie (this particular scene doesn't benefit from the technology), but I have to tell you if you see the whole film, you'd get a kick out of seeing Jack's cock poking right towards you through a gloryhole, and Roger tossing jockstraps right at the camera. The basic plot of this story is that lonely and homely Chester (Steve Tracy) is a bookstore clerk (legit bookstore!) who recites a magic spell from an old used book which turns him into Jack Wrangler; which of course leads to all sorts of hot sex - solo (like who wouldn't immediately start whacking off the moment his cock turned into Jack Wrangler's cock?), with Roger at a gym, and of course some three-ways - a restroom gloryhole, and a construction site like the one here. For those of you who've been paying attention, there just was no way I could post the entire 12 minute clip, but I am gonna let folks who ask nicely get a link over the weekend for the last 2-1/2 minutes of the scene (which I love, not just for chance to see Jack and Al shoot together, but the few seconds of the two of them giggling after shooting, which director DeSimone was wise enough to keep in the final edit).

Thursday, October 16, 2003

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Is this spam?
Got home last night with an email message from a Cruisetool member.

"Long time no see. that your look these days, hmmm... Well, anyways, before I make up my mind, I just wanted to tell you that you should go to and click on sonicvision. You can buy tickets online, you do have a credit card, don't you? If you do decide to go, and it would behoove you to do so, make sure you're blitzed out of your mind. Much, much better than National Geographic. Trust me."

I clicked on the link to the Crusetool site, and checked out the guy's pic. Neither his facepic nor his butt-in-the-air pic looked familiar. (I'll be a gentleman and not post them here.) And the link he suggested I click is for some MOBY/Hayden Planeterium show. But kinda hard to believe that someone would use the "long time no see" line via a gaysex site to advertise Moby, eh?


Wednesday, October 15, 2003

The first cold of the season hit me yesterday, slowly creeping in; by about 11pm, the non-stop sneezing and occasional coughing fits. I shouldn't be surprised, my mouth has been in a variety of places where.... well, you get the idea. I have yet to do the theraflu regimen - I'll just carry some with me to work and hope I can last 'til midnight without it. Meanwhile, I might get around to the video clip by tomorrow, but don't hold your breath (I know I promised by week's end, which could mean Friday, right?) but Chas was quick to request Jack Wrangler, and there's just so much to sort through to get just the right clip, ya know?

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Do you like 'em hairy? (yup, trying to promote my meager eBay listings)
OOPS! Don't ya just hate when you miss someone's birthday? To make it up how 'bout I ask him to help me pick this week's porno clip? Ok, dude - select a movie and/or pornstar, and I'll find something good for ya and post it by week's end.

Monday, October 13, 2003

"Is your crotch hungry girl? Coz it’s eating your pants."
A cool breeze comes into the room as I sip some coffee. Dammit! I guess I'm still a bit tipsy from last night - the refrigerator door is wide open from me grabbing the 1/2 & 1/2 for the coffee. And each time I move either eyeball, it hurtz. All I can remember clearly from last night is:

Mm-hmm, that’s right, uh-huh, oh no,
Fix yourself girl, you got a camletoe.

When I got home last night (this morning) somehow, between the guac and chips and several tacos (I don't wanna know why I craved tacos after hearing the cameltoe song....) I managed to find Fannypack and this song that perhaps I am the last person on my block to hear about. But it's catchy, and fun. Must crawl back under covers now.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

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Saturday, October 11, 2003

So, I called up all 3 ex-boyfriends and told them. Gosh, it was much easier than I had anticipated. All that worrying for nothing. In fact, 2 of them said they already suspected, and all 3 assured my that "BEING GAY IS A-OK." It's really inspired me. I think tonight I might even tell some of the fellas at the sexclub.

Friday, October 10, 2003

I don't only read porno books. This summer I finally got a chance to read this book, Reflections of a Rock Lobster : A Story About Growing Up Gay, and you'd think after 20+ years it would be old and out-dated, but it's not. A touching and affectionately self-effacing book, it's also a quick read (even though you know he succeeds in his court battle to take his same-sex date to the High School Prom - you just race through it as you want to know all the details about this charming young man). And how 'bout that, I just happened to have an extra copy up for auction on eBay!

this is why I spend hours every day scouring eBay.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Got a match? - in this case, "Your face, my ass" IS the correct response.
standing at the bar at 2:30, deciding between bottled water and beer, I knew getting the 4th beer would mean inability to do anything afterwards except ride home, eat junk food, and pass out. Looking around the room at the dozens of 25-year-olds, I got the beer.

I had just had one of those mini-beers at The Phoenix. Not sure when the dollar-draft-beer-night became little dixie cups of beer instead of the 12 oz mugs. I had started out the evening riding my bike up to the Eagle, paying the 6 bucks to get in for PORK, then drinking that first beer in all of 15 seconds. The few hairy fuzzy grrrr-let-me-taste-yer-balls men I saw didn't seem to see me, and I got discouraged fast. Then the performance began. I was upstairs, and could hear some guy yelling, encouraging guys to get closer to the stage so he could cum in their mouths. Intrigued, I went downstairs to see this goofball 'rap' badly something about liking p---y, and how much he loves p---y, then calling the audience p-ssies cuz they clearly weren't too keen on his "song." Still fully clothed, he pulls out a can of whip cream, and tried to get guys to let him "cum" in their mouths. Pussy, indeed.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

I'm in the mood for luv

Remember that corny retort to the question "Got a match?" I would always mess up and say "Yeah, my face, your ass" not realizing until many years later that I really meant it. I think the NYbuttlickers have their "meeting" tonight at the local sexclub.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

we're #1!
technical difficulties
So, let's say your answering machine, coffee maker, and wireless keyboard all break down in the same week. Which of the 3 objects do you think got me out of the house and running around town finding a new one? Of course, the fancy schmancy wireless keyboard replacement that I was oggling late last night (I could still do some minor internet surfing, thankgod) was going for 99 bucks at the local store, and the cheapest keyboard they had, with a wire, was 20 bucks. So I then went to Staples, and found a wireless keyboard/mouse combo for 20 bucks.

When I got home, and tried to follow the installation instructions, the mouse isn't working. I checked the batteries, and the instructions, and it gives you this whole set of stuff you need to do to install some of the new features, all of which require a mouse to click on stuff! I stuck the old mouse back in the P.C., and at the moment, i have my old wired mouse, and this new, not-as-nice-as-the-old-one keyboard. phewww!

I also managed to get a new coffee maker. The carafe of my old one mysteriously got a big chip out of the carafe, and as most home coffee drinkers know, the replacement carafe always costs nearly the same $$ as a whole new coffeemaker. But the old one is from 2 boyfriends ago, so I don't feel so bad spending the 12.49 at Kmart for the new one (and what's with the coffee makers being in Kmart's Kitchen Korner, couldn't they have avoided that last K?)

Monday, October 06, 2003


"I've split apart! There are two of me!"

Looks like it's that time of the month again - a bit of bandwidth to spare, so another porno film clip! Now, lower your expectations, this one is unlikely to be on anyone's TOP TEN PORNOS list. But, this 1970's 28-minute film does have it's charm. It's basically a guy, Fernando, who walks around Manhattan admiring his reflection in various objects, does a somewhat tedious whack-off on a motorcycle (which includes some "hot" outfits, most of which even Peter Berlin wouldn't be caught dead in!), then this clip, where he imagines making love to himself. Enjoy!

Stuff Me Up

It shouldn't be a surprise that this Peaches song about oral satisfaction is my fave on the album. The concert last night at Bowery Ballroom was fantastic, but my ears are still ringing.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

The man who sent me this jock strap, and a bunch of other stuff, told me to just get off my lazy ass and take some pictures and get this stuff on the auction sites and sell it. Well, I got a few pics taken so far, and maybe this week....

Saturday, October 04, 2003

Looking for love, but I'm sure I'll be settling on lust before the night is over. Don't wait up for me.

Friday, October 03, 2003

Hey, c'mon fellas, get outta there. I gotta take a piss!
This 1979 film is one of the better ones from director Francis Ellie. It's got hammy performances from such stars as Jack Wrangler and Scorpio; an actual plot (Jack must track down a trick who mistakenly believes Jack gave him gonorrhea - only to wind up in the hands of "Nazi" Scorpio); great disco soundtrack, including Dennis Parker's New York By Night (Ellie usually uses cheesy library-recordings of non-copyrighted music); even several actors appear in the film in non-sex roles! This particular scene has one of my favorites, Roy Garrett, trying to have sex in the bathroom of Greenwich Village's "notorious" BOOTS & SADDLES with a hustler who looks remarkably like littleminx. Could you ask for more?

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Thursday, October 02, 2003

the suit
I knew it would need the waist "let out" - it's been a couple of years since I've worn it, and of course my waist isn't the same. I knew I had to try it on a few weeks before my brother's wedding, so I could make plans to see a tailor if neccessary. Yup, it's snug. I can button it, but it's uncomfortable, and that was this morning, a good 10 hours since last I actually ate anything - god help me at a wedding reception. But the part I didn't expect, the cat hairs. Ah, white cat hairs that could only come from one place, and reminded me clearly when I last wore the suit.

My 39th birthday, the boyfriend and I decided to get all dressed up and go out fancy-like, to a ridiculously expensive restaurant. I got to the restaurant a few minutes early, and sat at the bar with a drink. When he arrived, I saw him minutes before he spotted me, enjoying the view of him in the distance, looking so handsome all dressed up, just for me. As he walked towards me, his blue eyes lit up when he saw me, his mouth grinning with that subtle sweet smile of his. He grabbed the barstool next to me, ordered his drink as his beard brushed against me, giving me a light kiss on the cheek. Later, back at his apartment, he was "cat-sitting" so I took my suit off in the outer hallway to avoid cat hair. It was a cold winter night, and after a good amount of celebratory alcohol, it wasn't long before we were snuggled up together, sleeping with his arm around me, and my head nestled in his chest. But, alas, nearly 4 years later, there it is, those few white cat hairs on my black suit, reminding me of those last couple of months with Bill, the last boyfriend.

Seriously, I dare you to tell me he's not extremely lickable.
I love this pic. I hate selling this issue of Drummer; there's just something about holding the actual magazine, rather than just staring at a computer screen, that makes this guy's pics even better. But, alas, you know, gotta keep moving out the porn.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

grrrrrrrr. And not a good grrrr. I thought I had set the VCR to tape O'Reilly, but when I got home last night, somehow I had forgotten to actually put the tape into the vcr! Stoopid, stoopid stoopid! Then, knowing it repeats at 4 in the morning, I just set up the vcr to record starting at around 3, taking no chances. I woke up just before 5 to see O'Reilley's smug face responding to viewer mail. The show ended, I rewound the tape, and goshdarnit, blank!

As it turns out, Kline did appear, as described briefly in the Topeka Capital-Journal. For any of you folks who've been watching this closely, Kline is a man intent on ignoring the facts and laws involved, and comes out with doosies like this one:

"It is absolutely a remarkable assault on the authority of the family because when your daughter walks out the door and says, 'I'm going to meet my 40-year-old boyfriend' and you try to guide her and parent her, and say, 'No, that's not going to happen' and she holds up an ACLU card and says, 'Call my attorney,' we are living in a different type of America," Kline said.

Remember, the so-called Romeo and Juliet law that is in dispute here only applies to teenagers who consent to have sex with each other, and they must be 14-19; it doesn't apply if either party is younger or older. And the ACLU is fighting for it to apply to same-sex incidents, as the current law only applies to sex-discordant couples. But just two weeks ago, Kline spewed another similar ridiculous mouthful (as quoted in the Dodge City Daily Globe, and other using the AP story):

"I'll tell you what: I would be deeply offended if, when my daughter turns 13, she walks out the door to meet her 30-year-old boyfriend, and I say 'no," and she says, 'I've got a 1-800 number for the ACLU; it's my constitutional right,"' Kline said. "That's their argument. They have to live with it."

Sheeeesh! In mid-Spetember his daughter is dating a 30-year-old, yesterday it was a 40-year old; by the time oral argument comes in this case (alas, maybe not til end of October or sometime in Novemeber), Kline's poor little daughter will be dating a senior citizen!