Friday, May 31, 2002

From director Bob Hard (I don't make this stuff up), this 1987 video called HOT ON HIS TAIL (subtitled The Rise and Fall of a Male Porn Star), is a movie that tells the story of a young man yearning for fame and fortune in the world of gay pornography. Of course, he just happens to work where a famous porn star (Michael Cummings, playing himself) is staying, and guess what? He manages to get an audition!

Oh yeah, did I mention I'm starved for attention, and that it's kindof a pain in the ass to post these clips, so the teeniest bit of feedback is most welcome and appreciated. And I'm not pointing any fingers, really.

(oh yeah, and the usual "this clip will be gone by Sunday cuz I'm a cheap bastard and can't afford too much bandwidth" still applies)'s the mornings that are tough. If I could only eliminate the mornings (no, sleeping til noon doesn't quite work, although I havent done that in months, if not longer). So, I'll just pretend to be happy happy happy, and I'm sure that'll turn me around. And yes, a porno clip is coming up as soon as I can remember all that HTML_FTP crap that I swear I knew only yesterday......

Thursday, May 30, 2002

t.v. listing
Charlie Rose (CC, Stereo)
Nuclear terrorism discussion;
Ben Affleck.
I swear, tomorrow there WILL be porn in this space
After talking to a couple of friends, and re-reading my "rough night's sleep" post from Wednesday, I see that I not only don't agree with my pals' attempts at helping me feel better, I don't even like my own analysis of what's bugging me. While I did indeed have those "when will I ever be loved" feelings yesterday morning, it's such a small portion of what is actually going on in my brain at the moment. In fact, I would say it's more accurate to say its a by-product, or even a distraction. For example, a pal said something to the effect of "it's his loss" to which i almost screamed! My pal's intentions were to say that I'm a nice guy and all that, so that's appreciated, of course, but it's not that I needed reassurance. And, in reality, it's not the other guy's loss, it is mine. I wanted things to continue, he didn't; it's not continuing, so, duh, I'm the loser (so to speak). (maybe "lossee" would soften the blow)

Now, the point here isn't to feel bad for myself, or for you, the reader, to feel bad for me (although chocolate would REALLY be appreciated) or all that. And I'd rather not get too mushy and all, but the real point is that he's a really great guy, and we had a really great time together, and, well, it's just too bad it didn't work out. And there's all sorts of reasons (I think) why in the long run I suppose its better (not that I can really think of any, but "they" tell me it's better)..... But, I'm still in that dreamy sorta "ooh, he's so cute" and "ooh, that was so funny" and "ohh, your chin is in the perrrrrrrrrfect spot" kinda way. And I've been struggling all fucking week to remember like one bad time together, or anything rotten about him or our times together that could help me get through this, but god-diddlydangit, nada! So, I'll just have to struggle through this, and let time do it's thing, and occasionally let those very cool memories put a smile back on my face.

........ well, I guess it wasn't exactly live (the NY Times cam) but a few seconds delay. Difficult to articulate how it felt watching the ceremony, fairly obvious feelings........... but I must say, the flat-bed truck with the "last beam" really got to me. The sound of that truck forced into mind the memory from last fall of seeing trucks late at night on Canal St with huge gnarled steel beams; the grim police and guards lining up the streets, the sound of these trucks pounding thru lower Manhattan potholes, and the horrible thoughts that you just can't let in, that the symbolism of the distorted, twisted metal was awful enough.

N Y times live cam at ground zero

Wednesday, May 29, 2002

I've just dropped off 10 packages of porn at the Post Office, hopped on my bike, and am quickly lost in my thoughts again. The new Elvis album is killer, and I've forced myself not to bring it with me this morning, just to give it some air, so to speak. But I start to think how several days ago I found the non-album single he's putting out called Smile, the old Nat King Cole/Charlie Chaplin thingee, and it's such a great version! I mean, it only works for the length of the song, but I do indeed find myself smiling while it's on, and actually (shhh, this is embarassing, since I have absolutely no talent whatsoever) I will actually attempt a little bit of a tapdance/shuffle thing about 40 seconds into the song! So, of course, thinking about this silliness, and turning the corner onto Ave B, and heading north, I'm grinning pretty big. And I get to 4th St., the traffic light turns red, and I stop, as I usually do, and then look across the street, and see this really cute guy that I've had a crush on for several years. He owns/runs a vintage shop - physically he's a cross between an ex boyfriend of mine and Russel Crowe - and I often see him walking his dog. And he's heading right towards me!

"GIVE ME THAT BIKE!" he says, and starts to laugh as he gets within inches of my face. "Hemna, hemna, hemna" I studder in that Ralph Kramden way I have. He continues: "I see you all the time on your bike, and smile at you, but we've never met - in fact, I remember you from Crow Bar, and would often smile at you there, but to no avail" I'm pleasantly puzzled, as I don't really remember him from way back then, but of course am giddy that he remembers me. So I add "Hmmm, I don't remember that, but I do remember you accidentally smiled at me once, as you were opening up your shop, in that hey, hi, oops, I don't know you, why did i smile like that at you kinda smile" and he laughed, then told me his name, I told him mine, then I went on - "you - dog, boyfriend, right?" (do you like the way I slipped that in, trying to get some info so as not to get crushed later on?) He laughed, and said: "dog died, boyfriend still around" So we talked about his dog, who was a real cutie, blah blah, then we shook hands a second time (nice hands, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm) as he said he had to run and open up shop, but was glad to finally meet.

Awwww, I'm still smiling as I type this..........

....... so, I'm trying to review Butthole Banquet 2, but I realized I really should've watched the original Butthole Banquet first, since I just can't follow the plot!
........rough night's sleep. And while I'm getting tired of being "down in the dumps", my thoughts seem to be taking me even further down that road (am I mixing my metaphors again?) Lying in bed before beginning the morning routine, I even tried to figure out the answer to this question: When was the last time someone said "I love you" to me in a romantic way? - killer, eh? and since it was at least 5 years ago......... you can imagine that this first cup of coffee isn't as satsifying as it usually is. The good news, and I really think there is some, is that I'm not sufferring from those self-esteem issues that often hits one when he's going through these kinds of thoughts. You know, "I'm unlovable because: -
I'm ugly
I'm too old
I need to get back to the gym
I'm unemployed
I'm boring
I'm boring in bed
While all those are true enough, they don't bother me, and I still have a healthy amount of self-confidence. But I am plagued by what I consider a scarier reality - it's just impossibly tough to find someone who is pyschologically in that same place of wanting the basic stuff together, and who shares the same values, and, most important, cuz this is how it all gets started, who has that same animal/chemical attraction to you - the kind that's unexplainable, the kind that you can't pinpoint why, and you can even find lots of logical reasons why it doesn't make sense, but who you think about, and just get a huge grin, and have all those giddy thoughts about, and who you look forward to seeing, and just being with. Not "lets find a share in Fire Island together", but, "wow, I love how your eyebrows do that" and "your hands pulling me closer is the best feeling I've ever had"

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

From Sunday's New York Times, an amazingly riveting account - Fighting to Live as the Towers Died - to the right, there is a sidebar "interactive" link called Inside the Towers recounting specific experiences from a handful of companies, through putting together answering machine messages, emails, cell phone calls. Very tough to read, and listen to, but very important.

Monday, May 27, 2002


Sunday, May 26, 2002

I used to be younger.

Saturday, May 25, 2002

Every Elvis has his Army
I so don't want to go out tonight. I hate Saturday nights out, I hate leaving the neighborhood. I hate subways, and I am in a fowl, fowl mood. But I was invited to a party, and I never get invited to nuthin', and I had already invited a pal to go with me, and he's in a similar mood, so you know what they say about company liking , er, well, something. But, meanwhile, since this morning, I decided that there is a different bestest song on Elvis's When I Was Cruel album - such a fantastic love song, 15 Petals - like love itself, the song is messy, and chaotic, and Elvis screams like a madman, and the rhythms are all over the place, and fantastic and wonderful....... really, you should BUY IT; but meanwhile, give this one a listen, and of course, CRANK IT!
Smiling Pizza

Yesterday was an interesting day. Hmmmm, "interesting" is the kind of word you use when a friend gets a new haircut, and you can't tell the truth, and you can't lie. Let's start over. Yesterday was a good day. Of course, that's an assessment of a whole 24 hour period, averaging it out, and taking the good with the bad, the bad got outweighed (although I have moments when I dont think so) by some really nice stuff. But I'll choose to focus on the good, cuz its easier to write about, and the bad wasn't all that bad, just disappointing, and still getting processed, and its that type of bad that one day you laugh about (I think). I made plans to go with a buddy to Prospect Park's Wildlife Center, since they have this tiny zoo with a handful of animals, a cool pond that I knew would have sunbathing turtles, and it's part of my "get out of the house and enjoy your city, dumbass" plan. Still plagued by thoughts about the Statue of Liberty, I'm reading a bit about Hitchcock's Sabateur while on the subway (it's the one where the final scene is actually on the statue, and the villain falls from the torch, I think, to his death). And the subway emerges and becomes an elevated train, and I glance East, and there she is, "Lady Liberty" shining in the bright morning sun. And I just start having those sad thoughts; not scarey fearful ones, but just sadness. Which is not the best way to start a day of outdoor park-going fun. I leave the train at the correct stop, walk through the longest tunnels it seems, still lost in my depressing thoughts, and walk up the stairs to the street. As I get to the top, there's an awning with the words, the name of this restaurant, no doubt - Smiling Pizza - and it just made me giggle, smile, and think "oh, what the fuck, you're about to have a nice day, enjoy it!"

After a few minutes of trying to figure out which "coffee-storelike thing" we agreed to meet up in front of, we find each other, and head off for some really good toasted bagels with melty creamcheese, plus some Samantha brand 4 dollar amazingly delicious juiceproduct. We're on the other side of the park, but the walk is good, and we're chatting about various stuff, and one of us keeps singing some song (hint: it wasn't me), and we find our way to the back of the Wildlife Center, then the front, then $2.50, then about 4 zillion children. Turtles sunbathing indeed, and lots of screaming kids running around, a couple of wallabies retreating in the shade, 2 emus doing the same, a rescued bald eagle, 2 adorable red pandas, and a few others creatures. The baboon exhibit was cool - mostly cuz this group of kids decended upon us, pushing their way to the window, surrounding me, and yelling and making faces at this one baboon, who walked up to the window, snarled, they all screamed and jumped back, then laughed, and came back to the window. It was so unbelievably noisy, and could've been quite annoying, but, hell, they're kids, and they were having a blast! And so was I.

lots of time in the sun, my head is burned red, despite the application of sunscreen early in the day ( I guess it could be worse), some Thai food, a bit of a rest in the park, then homeward.

After being home a bit, I tried Simpsons, I tried a nap, nothing could get me out of this too-thoughtful meloncholy boardering-on-depressed mood. But I'm not one to shun depression, I think it's a good method for sorting things out, so I let it in for a bit, then went to try a nap again. Not working, I grabbed a bunch of clippings a friend had given me the night before.

An ex-boyfriend; when we were going out, he'd often clip stuff from magazines and newspapers that he thought would interest me. I had stopped by his house to get some porno he no longer wanted, and chatted with him and his current boyfriend (the "overlapping" boyfriend, a new euphemism I invented just yesterday for the guy you cheat with - but I'm not bitter). And he hands me this pile of clippings. So, sitting in bed, I'm reading all this stuff about Russel Wright (my fave dinnerware) and Elvis Costello's newest release. I had only heard the one song (which I posted a few weeks back, I think) and had vowed to actually buy it, not download it. So, while reading thru these reviews, I knew I needed to hear my fave album, This Year's Model. It's funny, there are SO MANY fantastic lyrics in that album, the kind you think you can use for titles for your blog, hehe. But then I thought I really ought to get the new album, so I put This Year's Model in the discman, put some clothes on (minimal, it was still hovering around 80 degrees after 8pm last night), and hopped on the bike. Very Cool. That album sounds even better thru headphones. So, pedalling maniac, I run over a few stupid pedestrians (there were hundreds that deserved to be run over, but the crowds in this neighborhood on the weekend are too scarey to dawdle, and I was in a hurry). Sounds was open, of course, I grabbed the disc after handing over my $14.06, and peddled homeward. Wow! What a fantastic album! My first choise as BEST SONG is Dust 2... - it really kicks ass, man! (I highly recommend you CRANK IT) Apparently, Elvis refuses to say he has "returned to Rock N Roll" - but prefers to say he wanted to do something ROWDY - and ROWDY it is - fantasticly catchy rhythms ( my body was doing some really scarey twitchy dance-like thngs), more amazing lyrics, and he just screams and coos and smashes that guitar (and he plays a bunch of different ones on here, but I dont know nuthin 'bout guitars, i just know they sound great) - so, I highly recommend the album. I listened all the way through, blown away by most of the songs, and then had to look up some stuff on the interent, and see that he's about to release a version of Smile (which most of us know from Nat King Cole, I would assume; and his version was used in that made-for-TV movie about a beauty contest; and the music was actually written by Charlie Chaplin in 1936 for his film Modern Times) - anyway, I managed to find it on the internet (as I kiss my computer, it never lets me down) -and its so schmultzy, and so completely different from the new album (nothing like this is on the album) but I wanted to share, since, somehow, like the sign in Brooklyn yesterday, it makes me Smile, just like the pizza sign.

Friday, May 24, 2002

took these March 11, 2002, waiting for the Towers of Light to, well, light up. This week, been thinking alot about Statue of Liberty, obviously because of "the threat" - more, if I can manage it, later.

Getting out of the house for the whole day, to enjoy the weather, the parks, etc

Thursday, May 23, 2002

Not usually into this sort of thing, porn-wise, but figured I'd take a break from my porno-auctioning and show you a quick look at the talents of Johnny Rahm.

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

He pulled my head up towards his face, whispering "Let's go take a shower." Having worked up a bit of a sweat, it seemed like a good idea (actually, having gotten very worked up, anything he would've said would've been a good idea). Briefly testing the water for temperature, I climbed in, him behind me. He looked even better wet, and we kissed as I fumbled for the soap. He was suddenly on his knees, his head at my waist. Morning, the sun was bright in the bathroom, and the shower's water was spraying against me, and bouncing off his head. Short-cropped hair, wet, beautifully sun-lit, his head looked as amazing as his mouth felt - the drops of water bouncing off his head were glistening with the morning's sun reflected on them, my hands pulling at his ears. But I wanted to taste his mouth, and pulled him up. We gobbled each other up, as I grabbed his balls, full, and inviting. My turn, I tried to postion myself so that I wasn't getting the water directly in my mouth. After a few minutes of my face under his balls, drinking in the water as it flowed down his hairy body, we shifted again and giggled at some joke about drowning. Still below him, I pushed his body against the far wall, pointed the shower's head towards his back, and watched the hair pattern form a v-shape down his back, towards where my face was going. I pause, looking, taking this all in, wanting to just gaze at him, but also wanting to dive in and feel him, as well. He tasted good, real good. He groaned, and grimaced, as my goattee struggled to get in as far as possible. We were interrupted again as I found I couldn't breathe, I tried to keep going, but wisely he pulled me up, and we kissed more. Overwhelmed by how good he tasted, how good he looked, I felt giddy as we exchanged small smiles and firm caresses. We only dared to look directly into each other's eyes for a few seconds at a time, but my thoughts were swimming with knowing that this was real good. I liked his looks the first time I saw him, but had gotten a chance to know him a bit before this, before we finally had our night together, him waking up in my bed, us getting frisky, him leading me into the bathroom. I lather up some more, smelling the coffee in the next room, and snap out of my daze, my dreaming about that day.

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

I hadn't heard about the new "warnings" . I was busy getting depressed watching something on The Learning Channel, but, I surfed around during a commmercial, and saw our Governor reassuring us to go on about our daily routines (meaning: go shopping some more?), and then I went to Discovery Channel searching for nature or science, and then on to PBS. Ahhhhh, Evolution. Cool. Whales, how they're related to mice and wolves, groovy scientists finding fossils up in Canada, soothing, calming. Thanks, PBS. But, then, Show 3: Extinction! Five mass extinctions have occurred since life began on earth. Are humans causing the next mass extinction?

Oh look, Network is on AMC.

I'm often turned off by blogs that go on and on about TV shows, but clearly I have my faves that I write about, or at the very least, arrange my teeny tiny social schedule around. Found myself saying no to possible get-togethers 3 times this week because of season finale mania - Simspons, or course; and Boston Public (disappointing, but still I just had to see if the idiot who confronted the murderer last week with "i'm calling the police now" lived or died), and The Practice - ugh, what a lame ending, and it can only be rescued if next season it turns out to be some sort of dream thing ala Dallas (which I never watched, but i think the JR thing was a dream, right?). Anyway, tomorrow night has 3 MUST SEE shows - the final new show from the SIMSPONS for the season, and the season finales for West Wing and my 2nd-only-to-Simpsons-fave-show Law and Order.

just remember, if you drop by, bring beer, and no talking suring the shows, unless its by me

Garage Sale Today

Please feel at home neighbor, as you look around, Browse through my treasures, they're all good and sound -

looks like my buddy Chris is having a Garage Sale - books, music, movies - take a look, and fork off some greenstuff, damnit!

Monday, May 20, 2002

last Wednesday on City Island, looking, um, East?

Sunday, May 19, 2002

.........this just in from The Museum of TV and Television: SIMPSONS "OFFICIAL" SEASON FINALE • The Frying Game (DABF16) As his community service for endangering an endangered species, Homer has to care for an elderly woman; when she dies, Homer is accused of killing her and faces the electric chair

remember, it's on 30 minutes early tonight (7:30 EST)

I seem to be doing doubles lately - no, not that! I mean, yesterday I had lunch twice, cuz right after I got home from lunch with one pal, another called; and I had eggs NOVA (i wonder if I always eat that when at Bendix cuz of NOVA FILMS, who you may remember produced such great films as Hot Lunch, Brian's Boys, and Little Brother's Coming Out) first, then potato pancakes for the second lunch at Odessa. Today, breakfast at home, then a second breakfast with 3 handsome men (if only I could remember their names ........ ) mmmmmmmm .........grits with real margarine on top!

Last night, just when I was starting to feel bored, lonely, and like a loser, turning channels I found The Deadly Mantis, which I had never seen, and was lucky enough to catch from the very beginning. So I smoked pot, ate everything in sight, fell asleep on the make-shift couch, and was in bed by 12:30.

Saturday, May 18, 2002

cool, rainy, grey day. Perfect for Cowboy Junkies' Trinity Sessions; and probably my favorite track, Blue Moon Revisited.

Friday, May 17, 2002

This is the first minute and 1/4 of Jack Deveau's DRIVE a fantastic film from 1974. I really hate to classify this as a porn movie, even though there is plenty of gay male sex, because it's got quite an interesting plot, and good (non-sex) performances. A drag queen, portrayed by Christopher Rage, plots to steal a government-made drug that removes the sex drive from men, in order to make the world a better place. It's a great premise, and it's a fun film to watch. Unfortunately, Bijou Video, which now owns the rights to this film/video, censors this part of the film, as well as a fist-f*cking scene later; it's really a shame, as both sequences really add to the flavor of this film. (and, as usual, this clip will be taken down in 24-48 hours)

approximately 34 hours ago, a man, as he fled my apartment, said "And don't forget there's one more slice of pizza in the oven!"


Thursday, May 16, 2002, I figure I'm looking pretty scraggly, and it's been a good week since I've shaved my face, so I goes into the bathroom and the razor just looks way too overused. Peering into the medicine cabinet (if only there WERE some medicine in there) I find the empty plastic thingee that used to hold 5 Gillettes. Then I look under the sink, and it's rather scarey downthere. I decide to clean it out a bit, after I notice some brown ooze thats kinda melding several items together. Lots of hair products from former roommates, but this made me laugh, since I know it belongs to me.

Now, tell me, what's wrong with this picture?

Who doesn't like a nice 12-incher, right? I can't find the one I purchased yesterday, but my stereo receiver broke about a year ago, so I can't play it anyway. However, while I am still digesting a really fantastic day yesterday, and sipping my coffee this morning, someone somewhere posted a few lyrics from The The's Uncertain Smile which, of course, is one of the best songs of the 1980's. And then I went through the stacks (my stacks) to find my 12-inch version of the song, which I couldn't play, but could merely admire, and hold, and stroke (the sort of thing we all like to do with our 12-inchers), and then went to audiogalaxy for some serious hunting - and - YEAH!!!! I found this very same version, which my untrained ears seem to think has a fantastic xylophone (which I am probably misspelling, anyway) instead of the album-version piano, and I am a very happy camper blasting it now - and of course, i love to share, so here's the 12-inch 10-minute AWESOME version of Uncertain Smile from The The.

Crank It!

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

Gone fishing

Tuesday, May 14, 2002

The Slutty Professor - plot: Professor Radcliffe is involved in a research project. He is studying men's cocks to determine who's got bigger ones: gay men or straight men. Standing at the front of the class in his white lab coat, Professor Radcliffe explains his research project to his class of handsome young men. Then he calls for a few volunteers.

Sounds good to me! Actually haven't had a chance to look at the video, which will no doubt get auctioned off. Working hard all day today, so I can take a day trip up to The Bronx (what is it about that Borough that keeps calling?)

from the "str8 guys can say the darnedest things" files: -
"For guys, the urinals have always been a big part of the experience of coming to Tiger Stadium"

Monday, May 13, 2002

one of the country’s gayest facilities for higher education

After realizing, half-awake and disappointed, that the hard-on in my hand was my own, I decided it was time to get my day started seriously (as serious as a man who sells porno and dances in his kitchen in his ratty underwear making coffee can be). Yesterday I listened to a great live CD from TOURÉ KUNDA, and so started off today with my fave tune of theirs, Emma. Fantastic song that always gets me moving, and smiling - their official website is in French, but this TOURÉ KUNDA website has lots of info, from when they formed in 1979, to when they last released a single in 2001. A few years back Manu Dibango put out an album called WAKAFRIKA with a surprising good cover of Emma, so of course, now that album is blasting in the kitchen as I prepare to get some work done. (Which usually means food - think the cold weather is getting me in the baking mood). Really, check out both versions of Emma, and I dare you not to smile.

way way too cold to be out of bed! And a pal has me on a wild goose chase to find Neneh Cherry's version of Addicted to Love - hard to beleive anyone could make that awwwwwwwwwwwwwful tune sound half-decent! Anyway, crawling back into bed - if ya got a fuzzy body, I'll leave the door open - bedroom is to the left.

Sunday, May 12, 2002

Does this thing suck, or blow?

fantastic episode!

shameless plug for my eBay auctions, a very brief clip from BAT DUDE AND THROBIN - THE SEXXCAPADERS, a 1989 gayporn takeoff on the 60's t.v. series. Doesn't rate high for me on the sex-o-meter, but it's so goshdarn awful, and watching Beau Beaumont f**king a guy while waving his batcape, it's very funny!

Saturday, May 11, 2002

Not surprisingly, I've already abandoned my "learning-to-be-a-top" plans for this evening. This fantastic video from 1974 arrived in my mailbox today, the uncut, uncensored version of Jack Deveau's Drive. I was very fortunate, the eBay seller actually contacted me after he put it up for sale, I guess he had Googled for info on the film, and found my website - I had just recently acquired the BIJOU video version of the video, but, alas, like they do with all their Hand In Hand titles, they blur out any fisting or other "controversial" footage. Quite annoying! And the opening sequence was also blurred, so seeing Arachne's red-painted fingernails grab someone's cock and slice into it, with blood oozing out, well, obviously I was in 70's story-driven-porn heaven! Will obviously update my blurb on the film now that i have the full version to focus on tonight - this might even call for some Two Boots Pizza!
The title refers both to the male sexual drive and to the fact that the hero of the movie is always tooling around Manhattan in a Lamborghini; and a villainess drag queen who tries to rid men of their sex drives! Sounds amazing, with a screenplay by Christopher Rage ( who also, in drag, plays the villainess Arachne) with over 50 people in the cast

......after 2 beers, a bunch of guacamole, salsa, and about and hour and a half of BLUE PLANET viewing, I passed out around 10:30 last night. Which of course meant that I was wide awake around 3 a.m., and now, at 10, I am sorta groggy. But, the sun is out, the birds are chirping, and I'm gonna FORCE myself into some outdoor activities, even if it is just reading a book in the park. No plans for tonight, so perhaps I will begin my long-discussed "learning-to-be-a-top" program. Step 1. - how the hell do you get those condom packets open? (thankfully, they don't expire until May of 2004, I have some time) Step 2. - which way does it roll down, again? Step 3. - I've gone soft again, can you sit your hairy ass on my face a little longer? awww geez! all that lube is messing up my goatee!

Friday, May 10, 2002

............ i'VE BEEN IN A VERY BAD MOOD MOST OF THE DAY. I know that it is in part due to me trying to get work done, but not; not eating properly, and seeing a beautiful day out there that I am not enjoying. But the other reason is letting the crap in the WORLD that i can neither affect, solve, or really quite get a handle on, bring me down. way down. I'm not gonna spend a lot of time articulating it, cuz it's certainly more complicated than I know, but my feelings about it are perhaps too simplistic, as well.

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is bothering me for pretty much the same reasons it bothers most people - senseless violence, cruelty, hatred, anger, suffering, etc etc etc, right? And then the excuses, the rationales, the "they started it", and all the other crap. I have no idea what it's like to be there, go thru it on any side (and the 2-sided model is too simplistic), and so I try my best not to be too judgemental when it comes to reacting to each horrible news story that comes to me from other there. But I must admit a certain frustration and anger at views that don't even attempt to come close to suggesting solutions, or paths to some way for folks to live peacefully and securely.

Things like " if it weren't for Israel, Sept 11th would never have happened" - "those people over there only understand violence, so we need to just blow them all away" - "the rules are different, we can't play fair if they don't play fair" - etc etc etc. I can't suggest solutions, but I have yet to see where anyone, with any opinion on that problem over there, can rightly justify killing people as a means to actually solving this problem. Sure, this guy feels he needs to defend himself; that guy needs to lash out cuz yesterday something horrible happened to his town; but is it getting anyone closer to what they actually want? The most simplistic view of what "each side" wants is this, right - Israel wants safety/securtiy; Palestinians want an independent state. Each won't get what it wants without the other getting what it wants, right?

While I don't really understand the specifics of each event, and I admittedly turn the tv, radio, or newspaper off since I don't see that I'll get clarity, just anger, sadness, and depression - in the "bigger picture" I guess what perplexes me is the lack of a serious non-violent movement from the Palestinians. I mean, strictly strategically speaking, this method of rock-throwing, suicide bombing, etc, is not going to get a chunk of land to call your own. Israel is going to continue to counter-attack, defend, occupy, whatever word you choose to use to describe t, and more folks die, and suffer. Why isn't there a movement of folks who stage large sit-ins, hungerstrikes, whatever- even further- folks who are willing to DIE, and yet not KILL, for their cause. I don't know, completely unarmed civilians, walking up to tanks or troops - that would take what is clearly the focus of the world on to their actual demands - land, independence. We can all conveniently just look at the horrors of the murdered civilians, and never, ever get past that - that's just human nature, we are going to identify with the victims. Human nature seems to be able to respect folks who are willing to die for a cause, but it takes a lot more to feel for folks who are killing for a cause - an understanding of that ought to get Palestinians who truly want an independent homeland to change tactics - now!

I dunno, it's so horribly sad; a small number of very determined people are managing to fuck things up for millions and millions of others who deserve repect, a safe and secure place to live, and a voice in how their own lives are lived. How do you get from where we are now, to that place that seems so reasonable?

Thursday, May 09, 2002


OK, so I originally wanted to blog about this postcard I got from the United States Postal Service, and what a good guy I was to follow up on it today and actually bring a small grocery bag full of non-perishables to the post office for the food drive (no, not just to look good, but to encourage others to do it, so, c'mon - DO IT!) And I did bring the bag over, as well as a few packages of porn to ship. And LO and BEHOLD, there was a package for me! WO-HOO! A friend of mine from the West Coast sent a package.

Some background - a few weeks back, she sent me this booklet called Culinary Classics from the Chapel. She works in a thrift store, and this was going to be thrown away, but she found an interesting note in the back of the booklet, apologizing about the back-order of a book entitled Born Again - some Watergate guy who apparently found Christ just as the investigations were heating up. And the little booklet has all these silly meals planned, with a picture of each of the employees who work at this church, and almost every dessert seems to require lemon pudding or 7-Up as an ingredient. In my thank-you email, I told her the booklet was a great laugh, but that she shouldn't be throwing these things out; they're kinda kitsch-y, and who knows, sell them on eBay and make a few bucks. Well, she and her Mom decided they should go thru some old box and send me a bunch. So, this package I get today contains the aforementioned Born Again (mmmm, first edition, any bidders?) plus a bunch of 70's recipe booklets. Titles like Fun with Fryers, My Favorite Honey Recipes (complete with an insert picturing the 1977 American Honey Queen - no, not me!), The Tomato Handbook and this, Cock-A-Doodle COOKBOOK - All About Chicken. So, the first page I open in this book has this charming picture, and being the EVIL HOMOSEXUAL that I am, I am on the floor screaming with laughter!

WOW - outside of that cute hairy butt that was in my bed a good chunk of last weekend - this Guide to Springfield USA is the COOLEST THING I'VE SEEN ALL WEEK!

Wednesday, May 08, 2002

oww. OWWWW, OWWWWWWWWWW!!! Here I am innocently chopping up some jalepeno's for salsa, and I forgot to use the rubber gloves for my hands, and SHIT! if I haven't mistakenly like touched everypart of my friggin' body! my lips, my nose (must've been itchy, I guess), and of course my hands are burning up! and i'm sweating like a pig, too. Thanks god my balls were covered up - Geez! Well, at least I know the salsa and guac will be good tomorrow, but OWWWWWWWWWWW!

But, I did gets tons done today, still crashed around 1 pm, and napped for close to 2 hours, god knows how I'll sleep tonight.

I can't hardly believe I'm up at 5 a.m. making coffee. But, after over 45 minutes of being 2/3 awake, lying in bed, listening to birds, thinking about a walk by the ocean, I figured I should go with it (well, not near the ocean, so that's out). I mean, I got lots to do, and i can always get a bunch of work done, then go take a nap around noonish. Want to do laundry, tidy up the house, and of course my usual errands (post office, grocery store, bank). Also, I need to get to Essex St Market for some veggies - I keep forgetting how cheap it can be over there - last week I got all the fixings for guacamole and salsa for around 3 bucks - and I'm craving more guac! Ok. coffee's brewed, let's see how far I get in my optimistic plans to clean house, and do some website work. - gosh! those birds are really going wild out there!

Tuesday, May 07, 2002

safe sex?
Several weeks ago, while reviewing some porno tapes for resale, I found one that was supposed to be "controversial". This one, called South Beach Heat, did have it's disturbing elements - for several different reasons. I sell a wide variety of porn videos, and have seen a lot of stuff, and figure, "to each his own" of course. But I also have preferences, and while I joke about disliking everything about Florida, this added another humourous reason to dislike it even more - this silly fag party where EVERYONE is wearing white! I mean, you're all tan, all of you, but you think we won't notice unless we see white tight shirts and white tight pants pulled over your hot tan bodies? But there were other weird elements to this video - and while I don't expect porn to have great plots or acting, those things shouldn't take away from porn's primary purpose - to give you a nice hard-on so you can have a satisfactory whack-off. OK, I'm sure some folks liked the "kinky artist" scene, where they splattered red paint all over each other while doing "it"; and maybe the so-called "controversy" over the barebacking muscleboy boyfriends got some others off (whatever you're opinion of barebacking, watching it isn't unsafe); but the badly done Andrew Cunanan plot, where the perspective seems to be to pity him, and cringe in disgust at the 10-seconds with the Gianni Versace look-alike (um, did I miss something, who killed who?) - but then they have this weird outdoors faux voodoo sex-scene, and well, take a look at the clip, and tell me - I know that this scene is supposed to be safe sex, after all , the "top" is wearing a condom, but, um, the "bottom" is, well.....

Monday, May 06, 2002

Last night was good. Combining several of my favorite things in one evening, good food (ok, I made it, but it was good!), Simpsons, fantastic nature programs on the Discovery Channel - Blue Planet - 4 hours of very cool stuff - we only watched 2 of the one-hour installments, Seasonal Seas and Tidal Seas, but I taped the whole thing, and it's rerun again later this week. And a guest who made all the appropriate yummy noises while eating, oohed and aaahhhed at the aminals, did the dishes and........well, let's just say he left something intimate, probably as an excuse to come back, so - WOO-HOO!

Sunday, May 05, 2002

Sex Scandal Rocks Springfield!

Homer witnesses Apu's shocking affair at the Kwik-E-Mart! Don't miss an all-new episode of The Simpsons I am, mindlessly preparing fresh salsa and guacamole, not realizing there's actually history and lore regarding cilantro . Who knew it was in the carrot family? Anyway, I'm sure it was entirely unconscious that I got the yearning for Mexican food on the day the Mexicans kicked some French butt.

Saturday, May 04, 2002

So for 2 days now I've been riding around town (well, south of 16th St, anyway) with Saint Etienne on the discthing. What is it about Sarah Cracknell's voice that can make me sing and hum along with all those "la la la's" and "doo doo dum's"?? Places To Visit is a great e.p., and today in line at the post office, I think my fellow customers were staring at my tap tap tapping on my armful of boxes as my head bop bop bopped around to the fantastic tunes from Good Humor - one of the few light, pop sounds that I really enjoy - and We're In The City (from Places To Visit) is such a great biking song!

someone remind me not to prepare my packages for shipping while naked. (not that I can't spare the 3 hairs, it's just that it hurts!)

Friday, May 03, 2002

The sun coming into the bedroom this morning got me up early, coffee is getting me semi-alert, and an email from a pal has dictated that Saint Etienne's Tiger Bay by my waiting-in-line-at-the-postoffice soundtrack. Don't forget to Hug My Soul

cute-as-heck face, and fuzzy, fuzzy, fuzzy...........mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Thursday, May 02, 2002

Earlier today I was discussing the possibility of opening up a porn school, since I have so many strong opinions on what is good, and what is bad, porno. The word "that" is certainly not allowed in between any sexual verb and sexual noun - none of this suck THAT cock, or eat THAT ass, you know? (except maybe if you are referring to a 3rd party, but even then, I'd prefer the word "his" over that) And watching one of these uniform fantasy things - you know, cops, state troopers, fireman, etc,- they usually have to have cigars and all (I'm neither for nor against cigars, btw), but a line like Suck THAT cock while you smoke THAT cigar is just asking for trouble, now isn't it?
HOLY CRAP! - yikes, doin' the ole stats checking, and 800mb's of bandwidth yesterday, which, of course means that the movie clip below got some folks interested - and it also means I need to take it down by midnight tonight. In other news..... YEAH! found the other set of rechargeable AA batteries, so I don't have to keep taking them out of the VCR remote everytime I want to use the discman for a bike ride or walk. Could life get any better?

Making It Big In San Francisco

A pal of mine sent me several pics from a mid 70's magazine featuring one of my faves, Jack Wrangler. Making It Big In San Francisco is one of those great mags with the cool clothes, great 70's jewelry (who didn't wear turquoise? well, probably not me, of course), and yeah, the guys kissed!

Meanwhile, in other news..... last night, quiet evening at home, tv, pizza, and, er, well.... hehe...

(You Caught Me) Smilin'

Wednesday, May 01, 2002

Too sleepy to write, but here's the clip I promised. L A Tool & Die, (1979 Joe Gage), our hero, Richard Locke.