bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings

Saturday, July 26, 2008
if i just stare at this machine, the next boyfriend will magically appear, right?

ok, i dont really think that will happen, but based on the amount of time i do spend here, you'd think that's what i thought. (but if it were possible, then i think the grim expression is key to making it happen) i did make myself get out of the house last night, bike ride west, and after much pacing and up the stairs and down the stairs and leaning and staring and glaring and, goddamn the music sucked - like nonstop sucky music, which really sucks when there's not much to distract you from the sucky music. did i mention i didn't like the music - cuz it really sucked .....anyhoo, eventually there was distraction, which was nice, and he looked and felt better than he had looked all those times we passed without speaking or stopping, but there was a moment, a not unexpected moment, but still, a moment where my thoughts trailed off to the ex, and a slight panic, and sadness, that I couldn't remember his voice. i dont know why this happened, or why it became so important, and as i could feel my facial expression change to match my mood, i turned kinda out of out his direct eyesight, and forced myself out of the mood that i was sinking into, at least enough to reconnect, and show that i was glad that this generous man was being kind to me, and i made a point to make direct eyecontact again, and could see something, maybe his own sadness about some such thing in his own life, and i at least felt less alone, and we both seemed to smile again at the same moment, and i got my reminder about why its important for me to get out, and take these mini risks...... even if the music really really sucks - like totally, totally sucks, ya know?

now completely unrelated, but not really, but yes, unrelated. sometimes sitting in front of this thing isnt so bad, if i just remember to keep the tunes rolling..... a fave for sort of doing chores, or just something a bit more background-like is AIR's Premiers Symptomes - apparently a collection of early singles, I guess. It's just this wonderfully pleasant music, and then the last track on the album just kicks it up a bunch of notches - Brakes On, and you are just forced up out of your chair to dance in your underwear, ya know?


(video OOP)