bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings

Friday, October 23, 2009
the last time i had a nice ass in my face was.....

... i can't honestly say; but that's not really the point. recreational sex has (mostly) lost it's appeal for me, at least these past 2 months, maybe more. Don't get me wrong if you were one of the handful of men who's crotches I've sniffed in the past 6 months - it was fun, and i don't regret those few moments or hours. it's just that, well, a second time - whether a meal together, a cup of coffee on a park bench, a beer at a bar where we meet up and have an actual conversation before the alcohol takes it's toll - would've not only been nice, but would have made that actual first meeting somehow seem even better. i dunno how to explain - it's not as simple as "i miss having a boyfriend"; i know enough that that takes time, even years, if at all. but just having that little boost, knowing someone i had a nice time with actually liked me enough to try a second round. that he thought about me afterwards, smiled to himself and thought, "wonder what that guy's about", - - ya know?

trouble is, i have some bad habits - or rather, habits that aren't helping me meet guys in a better way. I've slowed down quite a bit on bars, and drinking - in fact just last night, i was at the eagle for the first time in 2 months, had a bottle of water, wandered around, and confirmed for myself that, yeah, there's some hot men here, but the chances of a connection other than bumping balls is real real slim. I know, I know, not impossible, as I have proof of that from the last boyfriend who I met there just 4-1/2 years ago. but simply NOT going to bars, and NOT drinking, doesn't put me where my chances of actually meeting someone can happen. and egad, i've even resorted to considering (here's where my laziness comes in handy) - just considering, going to this thing on saturday. ugh.

but at the same time it's not as bad as these two paragraphs might imply. back to last night at the eagle. yup, i stayed for only 20 minutes or so. but i didn't leave sad or mad, just kinda confirmed for myself that i gotta look elsewhere, or differently. and within minutes of being on my bike, 3am and 60 degrees, soaring down 9th avenue, i was smiling, and humming my new favorite tune, Burn Brighter Flame (which, by the way, will be released as single, with an instrumental version and a remix - WOO-HOO!), which somehow bridged the gap between the excitement of moving to Manhattan back in 1983, and still struggling to find ways to enjoy it these days..... (there's a reason "ramblings" is in the blog title, no?)

Burn ‘til the world refuses love to none....