Thursday, April 15, 2004

random thoughts on Tax Day
(quick note: I am neither a licensed attorney nor an accountant - in fact, I haven't even had enough coffee yet in order to find clean socks - but just got back from the post office and after staring at the backside of some man's faux faded jeans was inspired to write....
  • Why are there long lines at the post office today? Just put a stamp on the envelope and drop it in the box. The stamp gets canceled with today's date, and you are on time. Why are people paying money for proof of delivery, certified mailing, etc.? It's a government scam to get more money from you for the Post Office, playing on your fears that somehow they won't get your tax filing.
  • If you are expecting a refund, guess what? You don't have to file today. The only reason to worry about filing on time is to avoid a penalty - which doesn't apply to people owed money by the government. You actually have 2-3 years to file if you are expecting a refund before risking not getting the refund - but there is no penalty for late filing if you are owed money.
  • If you've put off filing until today, and did it because you wanted to delay as long as possible paying taxes that are due, guess what? You don't have to PAY today, just file. Just make sure you don't calculate on the form what you owe, let the government do it for you, they bill you, and give you a due date.
  • If you insist on standing in one of those lines today - please be considerate of your fellow liner-uppers. Dress sexy. Where tight, revealing clothing, plunging necklines, trousers that show off a bulging crotch and aching butthole. Make sure to have a paperback novel to read while passing the time - and make sure the cover says something about you - this is a social event, take advantage and entertain your fellow liner-uppers.