bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings

Wednesday, April 06, 2005
They do a trapeze walk, Until they're in the sky, Right above my bed, While I'm asleep

In the weeks and months after 9/11, I listened to Bjork's Vespertine all the time. Late night bike rides, sleepless nights drifting into mornings, the few opportunities to share sex with someone else, staring at the TV, inhaling the fumes from downtown, this album was a constant. The raw sexuality, the emotional-ness of it, the accepting acknowledgment of pain, the stubborn optimism and celebration of life and all it's potentials; all this made the record ideal for the mood(s) I was in. To pick a favorite song from an album that should always be listened to in its entirety seems impossible, although if I were to pick without really thinking, it would be the final song - Unison. I have startled a few friends by confessing that it would be my suicide song. Then I have to backtrack, and assure them I would never do that, but IF I ever knew ahead of time that I had only 6 minutes, 45 seconds to live, I would want that song, on my headphones (or a really big, loud boombox) playing as I rode my bike, faster and faster, until I was going so fast that I would just leap across the FDR drive and into the East River, my last moments, the chorus, the choir, "Embrace you tight, Let's unite tonight". Of course, in reality, that is not my favorite song from the album, it just happens to be one of the BIG ones that stands out, and it makes a great finale to a great album. But it's another tune - smaller, quieter - that sneaks up on me every time I listen. When the first few notes pop out of the stereo, I instinctively reach to turn up the volume, stop what I am doing, sit or lie down, and let it wash over me. Even 3-1/2 years later, I have to look at the booklet to remember the name, Heirloom. It just conjures up HOME; memories of Mom, and warm blankets, and hissing radiator sounds of my many New York apartments; the past and hoped for future boyfriends who smile when I bring them fresh-baked cookies, who wrap their arms around me and hold me tight during rough moments, this song just whispers so reassuringly- "you will be taken care of, don't worry."

Gee, all that, and this live version isn't even as good as the original! But nonetheless, something I found the other night on the internets, Heirloom (live).