Used Underwear? There Ought to Be a Law

"And are you getting the heebie-jeebies when buying underwear, concerned that your purchase may have already been worn? A councilman from Queens wants to confront that paranoia by banning the sale of used undergarments." Normally this would be very upsetting news, except for two things. 1) Our mayor, who is a Republican and therefore loathes governmental interference in the flow of commerce, would certainly veto such legislation, wouldn't he? And 2) I gave up selling used under wear years ago er, months ago, um, er weeks, hours, minutes ago.

But of course, I do on occasion give it away, and just this week, during an email exchange with this hot guy 3000 miles away, I was shocked to learn he doesn't wear underwear! Taking things into my own hands (as I often find I must), I offered to send a jockstrap, which he readily accepted. I'm just hoping he doesn't get the wrong idea by the color of the 'strap I'm sending, as I'm not too sure if the HANKY CODE ("gosh, can someone turn up the lights a bit, is that hanky BLACK, grey, charcoal, black with a stripe...") applies to jockstraps. I suppose I could ask this hot guy or that hot man, but I'm just too bloody shy, ya know?