bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings

Thursday, December 18, 2003
So I blew my last chance before the end of the year to chat up that customer-guy I have the crush on. 9:17 pm according to my work-computer clock, he calls. I have to admit, I love his voice, and his way of talking during our brief calls - punctuated with "cool" and "man" (hmmm, sorta like me.... please don't try to analyze that) I could just tell if we dated, I'd love hearing from him by phone - even though I pretty much HATE talking on the phone. I might be imagining it, but I sensed that he was enjoying our few moments on the phone - upbeat and animated - or maybe he has such a sweet manner with everyone. A few minutes pass, and a friend of mine pops in. I don't know if I feel this is a good thing or bad thing, as I wanted to get up the nerve to flirt with BurritoMan (you know, sometimes it's easier with the back-up of a pal - but then again, sometimes you feel even more self-conscious, and worried about falling flat on your face). Well, we chatted for a few minutes, but work was keeping me busy, so my pal left.

I just happened to look up a few minutes later, he's outside, the door pulls open, our eyes meet, he smiles this mostfuckinbeautiful smile, and walks up to the counter. I pull the bag of food up to the counter, and I can't think of ANYTHING to say. I mean, I think I mumbled something clever like "Hey, how are ya?" - followed by the carefully scripted and rehearsed "That's $8.69 - ah, out of 10? One-thirty-one is your change, have a nice night." More smiling, he turns, I want to kill myself as my mind races but my mouth won't work --- WAIT! DO YOU NEED HOT SAUCE??? HHHHHHOT SAUCE???? How about UTENSILS? Napkins??? NAPKINS!!! Here - take my jockstrap. ARE YOU SINGLE? - - - - - WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEAR'S EVE? - - - - AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!

I'm hopeless.

He's gone. My brain starts to work again, and I realize that I don't work the next 2 Wednesdays, his usual day for carry-out. It's gonna be 3 weeks before I get my 48 seconds with him again! AWWWFUCK. I come out from behind the counter, start for the door, I realize it's too late; resigned, I retreat. boohoo.