bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
During all this last night, I sunk into a depression. It stinks. I mean, not just the specifics of the job at the moment, but that overwhelming feeling that my life is just rotten, and all my life choices have been wrong wrong wrong and I am just too damn old and inert to do much about it. So as I get ready for work, and try to put on my 'happy face,' I try to stick to the short-term hope that after work, if I haven't killed or been killed, I will have a couple of beers, and maybe see a couple of familiar faces, and possibly a new friendly face or two. I'm tired of settling for sex, and it hasn't been all that good lately anyway - I would like some serious companionship, and it's tough. But the music last week was surprisingly good, which makes me cynical about tonight's possibilities. Heaven 17, Big Audio Dynamite, a tune from Malcolm McLaren's first album.... it was right out of my album collection, but better yet, amongst some nice faces and hopeful possibilities. But I must set my sights low (no, not crotch-level); just be content to make it thru another night's work, have a beer, watch the crowd, and hope they don't play too many HEART tunes.