Monday, May 26, 2003

Rainy Monday, sipping coffee, trying to wake up. This pic was sent to me the other day, a reader trying to give me the next best thing to actually getting those bondage shorts I mentioned the other day. (Or maybe, when y'all see how good I look in them, someone will splurge on them for me. ) Last night I was supposed to go out, but just didn't have the energy. A Cheez-Wiz reunion of sorts at The Slide, and a few pals would've been there. But when I got out of work at 11 last night, saw the streets crowded with drunks and tourists and the like, it just didn't seem so appealing. I usually enjoy going out on Sundays, but that's because most of the world is working the next day, and with the Holiday, it wouldn't have had that same feeling. So, I stayed here - the usual TV-channel flipping, and one of my AOL screennames in some chatroom.

Then a pair of "escorts" messaged me. A couple who cleverly replaced each letter "S" in their AOL profile with multiple dollar signs ($$$), and yet gave absolutely no physical description of themselves. Hope they have a day job. When I mentioned I had gotten all of 4 dollars in tips earlier at work, they suddenly stopped messaging me. Noticing I had email in one of my other accounts, I joyously (just like the AOL TV commercials) switched names to see what wonderful messages I'd gotten. Of course, the usual spams - (one of my all-time faces is the one announcing PORN HAS BEEN DISCOVERED ON YOUR HARD DRIVE!!!! - tell me there isn't any porn on my hard drive, and then I might open the email) - plus two requests for "can you name the porn star and tell me which films he's in" emails I get from time to time. One was easy, as it was this guy with a huge cock in one of the earlier Kristen Bjorn videos (it took a bit of searching to get his name and figure out exactly which video, but i got it) The other one eluded me, a very modern-looking series of stills from a video; I was stumped. And of course, while trying to figure these out, I popped into another chatroom. Getting a bit tired, I collapsed on the bed, and grabbed my paperback of Cruising I've been reading, and began to relax. Soon, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the familiar Instant Message box pop up, and I came back to this desk to check it out.

Oooooh, another escort! Actually, not as bad as it sounds (although it does get me thinking, they check out my profile, see I'm in my 40's and think I've got money and no chance of "succeeding" in the chatrooms??? - well, the latter might be true, but certainly not the former!) - this was actually someone who I had sent a friendly email to a long time ago, complimenting him on his looks, and saying something lame like "sure wish I had a few bucks" --- and he sent a nice email back at the time, thanking me for the compliment, and suggesting I save up and get back to him. Apparently, someone had pointed him to my webpage recently, so he just wanted to say HEY, and perhaps had even found the link I had to his page. He teased me about not having saved up like I should have, and I teased him about never posting more pictures like his page has promised for more than a year. Chat chat, chat chat, he moved on to other "business" and I dove back into bed. Reading a bit, but then putting the book down, I actually gave some serious consideration to the idea of paying for "it." Rainy night, cold in my room here, and I realized just how long it had been since someone had spent the night. (not that I could ever afford one of the "bonus packages" of an overnight, but my mind drifted in the direction of "wouldn't it be nice if...") The last time was actually last spring, a whole year ago; and while I've certainly had my share of sex since then, and I have woken up in 2 other men's beds since then, it hasn't happened here, with someone who was both physically yummy to me, and someone I also wanted to talk to. get to know, "see where it goes", etc. Of course, you dont get all that with a whore, but still, the idea of holding a nice warm body, right here, right now, and once you've paid that $$$, they do stay (at least for the time you can afford)... Luckily, sleep got the better of me before more depressing thoughts of loneliness, fears of growing old alone, insecurities of ever finding a "match", blah blah blah.

And today it's dark, and cold, and raining.