Monday, July 02, 2001

last night a deejay saved my life

well, maybe not "saved" but he was good. Actually, in truth, what really turned me around, for the time being, anyway, was reading a series of "blogs" from another blogger over the past few days. He's going thru this tough time, and it sounds too familiar. But he's really articulate, and evocutive. Things i've felt, thought; am feeling, am thinking. I found myself crying, but not just in sadness, but in familiarity, like, "wow, this guy is speaking for me" - the pain and confusion of feeling so lonely, wondering if you'll ever feel better, ever find that "special someone" ,,,,,I dunno, I can't do him justice, so I won't try. I feel bad that he is feeling so bad, and yet, he seems like he has his shit together, and just needs to go thru it, for however long it lasts..... I hope he goes thru it quickly, he sounds like a really good guy......

meanwhile, it caused me to think alot. alot. I'm getting real tired, and bored, with my self-pity, and after spending 2 years of mourning over being dumped quite suddenly, by someone I still consider to be a wonderful man, I just wanted a little reprieve. I found myself answering an email from someone I was e-flirting with the night before, and I was not myself. I mean, I was a better version of my usual self.

I thought, he seems nice, his pics are handsome, he seems to have a sense of humor, go ahead, ask. So, i asked if I can see him, soon. Can I call now? we talked, nice guy, we are getting together tonight! He has to work today, so last night, after making the plans, we said bye. Then I sent an email, with a silly, semi-flirtateous pic. I guess he liked it, he emailed back, asking if I have ICQ, and a series of other computer e-mating features until he said Netmeeting. I have it, don't know how to use it, and told him as much. Within 5 minutes (i can be smart when i am motivated!) I was on Netmeeting, and he "rang". What a blast! We didn't do the e-jackoff thing, and i'm really glad. But he did show some really appetizing armpit, and we made each other laugh, and we are planning on having a simple beer, and talk, and just take it from there. We are both open to the idea that it doesn't have to be sex, but that that would be good, too.

so, why then, go out? Cuz, I needed noise, and sweat, and brain-numbing physical input. The first time I dove in, it was cool, but not great. He had a great body, great cock, nice balls, and slurpable pecs. But soon, he did the "grab anyone and everything" bit, and it was a bit of a turn-off (even in a backroom, i wanna feel "special") So I went back out front, plopped under a speaker, and noticed the music seemed very very good. Disco, but a good variety, all sorts of hard-hitting beats, just what the doctor ordered. I look to the deejay booth, and see that cute hunky boy, the one I've shared weed with, who never acknowledges me, and I thought "Look at him, he thinks he looks so cool back there, all hunky and fuzzy-chinned, just mixing in this next tune, and......WOAH" yup, suddenly, something inside made me stop (or something outside, like this huge speaker above my head!) and its Divine's "Native Love" (Step by Step) some mega mix. And i look back, and grin real, real wide and think ----- He IS FUCKIN' COOL!!!

...... moments later, with the beat still making my heart race, I am "back there" and this guy is standing on the couch, so his crotch is eye-level, and he's leaning against the wall, and the light is hitting his glistening pierced chest. And I look up, then turn, then turn back, and look up. He starts to unzip, and the music changes, and his very aromatic slab of meat is only a few inches from my mouth, when Sylvester starts wailing about something, and I don't hesitate. As the big chunk of metal hits my teeth, I don't let it stop me, and soon, his hand on the back of my head, the metal jewelry several inches past my lips, one of my hands on his ass, the other in my jockstrap, the light hitting us as we go at it, and yup, this felt mighty, mighty real.......