bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings

Sunday, April 13, 2003

It's that perfect time of year, cool but sunny, the park filled with people, dog-run full of pets, kids running and screaming. I love when the trees are just at that point where the leaves and flowers are budding, and you see hundreds of small bits of color amongst the dark, hard branches. Against the late afternoon blue sky, you can let your imagination take you away - what will this year bring?

Last night I found myself watching a good chunk of PBS's "New York: A Documentary Film". Beautifully done, and with much love, I found myself not necessarily listening, but just watching the landscapes, the aeriel views sweeping across Manhattan, or close-up views of building details, but all the while, seeing all the different kinds of faces, it was so warming, so obvious that this is the place for me. I'm coming upon my 20th year here, and while I think about that huge chunk of my life, really my entire adult life, there's this momentary tranquility, that with all the regrets, and missed opportunities, and mistakes, I can't imagine any of it anywhere else. As much as I hibernate in my home, or joke about not leaving the neighborhood much, it's still being amongst all this that feels very reassuring somehow. There is no great lesson, no sudden revelation, just a certain, momentary peace that the spring here brings to me.