bj's gay porno-crazed ramblings

Friday, April 05, 2002
Several evenings ago, surfing the web, someone's blog (sorry, can't remember who) mentioned a magazine he liked. I clicked, I looked around, nothing but men at least 15 years younger than me with no trace of body or facial hair, and i was moving on to other stuff when I noticed this matchmaking quiz/form. I know, I know, pretty lame, but I filled it out anyway. You checkoff all this stuff, and it's supposed to give you this computer-generated letter that will then go out to the perfect men who you match up with. (Or I am the perfect man that they are getting matched up with?) I don't know how I would make this thing different, but the bland multi-choice format wasn't terribly imaginative. When it regurgiated my profile/intro letter a couple days later, I thought UGH! Who'd want to date YOU??? But just so you can poke fun at me, here goes- no editing, this is exactly the email I got back from them:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Your INTRODUCTION LETTER _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi, my name is bj. I am a
Gay male seeking a male penpal or soulmate.
I was raised in Chicago and I have an advanced degree.
My race is White/Caucasian and my heritage is Irish.
My religion is non-religious and my political views are liberal.
In order of importance, these are my traits & interests:
(Personality) sense of humor, warm hearted, playful,
(Philosophies) practical, idealistic, unconventional,
(Social) down-to-earth types, , ,
(Goals) , fun, knowledge,
(Educational Interests) Law/Justice, Political Science,
(Interest Groups) , , ,
(Viewing Interests) educational TV, ,
(Athletic Activities) , ,
(Hobbies) , , ,
(Musical Tastes) alternative, alternative, ,
(Eating Habits) vegetarian foods, sea food,
(Shows/Writers/Artists) Law and Order, Bjork,
I am 42 years old, 5' 8" tall, and proportionate in weight.
My eyes are brown and my hair is bald brown.
Among my most attractive features are my smile and smile.
I have no dependent kids, I don't smoke, and I drink moderately.
My field of work is ?.
. . .
Yours Truly,
bj in new york, ny
northeast region of the United States