Wednesday, October 24, 2001

last night, during the 2nd beer, Edwin Starr's War came blasting out of the jukebox. Took me back to 1972, when I was giving a speech for extra credit, posing as George McGovern running for President. I quoted heavily from that song, and at age 11, I was quite upset about "the War" - I just couldn't get it. By then, of course, it was fairly common for folks to be against the War, some of our Parish Priests and Nuns had gone to Washington for one of the protest marches, and both my parents were clearly against it. I went with my Mom that November to watch her vote against Nixon, and that night, when he trounced McGovern, I cried my self to sleep. This all going thru my head as I was hoping to "get lucky" - you can imagine the alluring look on my face. Needless to say, no one jumped at the chance to do me, or be done by me, or, for that matter, to stand within 6 feet of me, so I left.

I hadn't taken a drunken bike ride in awhile, and headed over west, following the aroma of burning building, past the 3 guys at "Thank You Point" (the spot where Christopher St meets the West Side Hwy, where folks gather to wave flags and shout out thank-you's to vehicles and workers coming to and from WTC). Heading down the bike path, that glow from the hole in the sky is still rather daunting, all lit up so they can work 24/7, cranes moving aimlessly, it seems. I found a spot to sit, a bit out on the Hudson River, with of course the Statue of Liberty in the distance. Gosh, I don't usually feel OLD but I have been lately. Just in the sense of how easy it used to be, to feel so strongly that all killing was wrong, that war never solved problems, often worsening them. And it's not that I've changed those views much, but i just have no energy to express them, or to even feel them anymore. I am too sad, and I can't think of an alternate to what's happening right now - the need to "do something". I still sometimes have arguments over the little things, like stupid new laws that will lessen our freedoms, and not do much to preserve our safety. But it's a reaction, not an actual idea of what should be done, or going on. So, I just stare up at the cranes moving across the downtown sky, and listen to the seagulls acting rather cranky out there on the water, not sure why they seem so agitated. Maybe the glaring lights at 3:30 in the morning?

I even got a new porno video in the mail today, P.M. Productions' Wet Sports, Yellow Hanky Left from their mid 80's Hanky Code compilation series. Even the promise of Jack Wrangler isn't snapping me out of this............

OK, by tomorrow i'll force myself to talk porn again, I swear