fuck new york. fuck you all.

hmmm, not sure, really, how to take that, Mr Green. While I could attempt to counter the sentiments you are expressing by pointing out a few politcal "facts" (my opinions, when I say them loud enough, I consider them to be facts) - like, Rudy can't run for re-election, our charter bans that, and it's a bit too late to change the Charter, our mayoral election is in 2 weeks; or, I don't think he's running for president in 2004, after all, Mr Bush will easily get the nomination in his party, and despite Rudy's views on abortion and immigration issues, he is still a Republican. Of course, there is the flippant response - "excuse me, you're watching VH-1 ferchrissakes, need I say more?"

But, more to the point, you do bring up some troubling issues, not all explicit in what you write, many not intended, perhaps. Like the issue of "what is a hero?" - I won't pretend to have an answer, or even much of an opinion, because, as I've learned since my Act-Up days, the world is not black and white, it's very very grey, unbearably so, sometimes. For example, American soldiers. It took a long time for many of us to accept the Vietnam vets as mostly good guys, as opposed to the polarized views of the early 70's (I was rather young, but could never figure out, back then, why anyone could be a soldier for an unjust war) when some were spit on, jeered, upon their return to this country. And think about how the former Prez Bush was soooo popular after the Gulf War, to see his popularity sink, as folks felt dissapointed, disillusioned, that the "evil-doer", Mr Saddam Hussein, was still in power, and so we therefore didn't think alot about the soldiers who fought that war, as we not-so-guiltily filled our SUV's with cheap gas in the 90's. Should we judge these men and women on what many see as a failure? A failure not of their own making, but of the political process, of our political leaders? Some of the soldiers joined up, no doubt, hoping for some good training, a decent education, and had a reasonable expectation not to be sent off to war. Some joined with genuine hopes and intentions to "give to their country" - something I doubt I could do, in that manner, even now as I am still inhaling the fumes drifting up from downtown, my pacifism challenged quite severely, making me even more irritable and angry than usual these past few weeks..... It's hard to do, and if I were to judge these folks, I hope I am looking into their hearts, their intentions, and not the ultimate result, like the cops and firemen, and the office workers who rushed back into that burning and collapsing building.....

An interesting sign in Thompkins Sq Park a few weeks back was posted near the make-shift candle memorial. I don't remember the whole thing, but basically, the jist of it was, "don't call me a hero, I just went to work that day, like the rest of you, to do my job, to make a living, to pay my bills - I am not a hero simply because something terrible happened to me, and not you, that day." Many folks are struggling with how to honor those "ordinary folks", and yes, the fundraisers can be really hard to take, with celebrities doing ridiculous and distasteful things (I almost threw up watching Tony Danza recite the Pledge at the beginning of Miss America), and politicians having, at best, mixed-motives, with the FLAG-colored construction helmets at WTC being given out to celebrities/politicians/money-givers instead of ordinary yellow helmets.

How can we not be cynical? The anthrax thing is the one that I've poked fun at the most; perhaps after 20 years of living on this island, how many gay men in Manhattan are taking that particular scare seriously? "oh, I have to take some antibiotics? can I still do X? is it safe to mix with Viagra? Combivir? Saquinavir?"

I dunno, I dunno, i dunno, I DUNNO!!!

lemme just stick to porn.........