Sunday, June 30, 2002

OK, so there are probably 10's of thousands of visting queers to my fair city this weekend, it's midnight on a Saturday night, and I'm watching some 30's Cary Grant movie on the tube, eating pizza, and of course, getting my jollies by reading AOL profiles while occasionally typing in lewd remarks in the chatrooms. I'm always quite turned off by the "ub2" guys, the guys who describe themselves in some detail, then add UB2. While I will admit to a fair amount of mirror-gazing as I grab my sweaty balls with one hand, and whack away with the other, it's more to give me the illusion of a partner, not because I require a partner to look like me.

Of course, the UB2 criteria I loathe the most is HIV- UB2 ; I suppose there are many reasons why this is a turn-off. I suppose the pragmatic side - to expect your AOL trick to be honest and accurate seems a bit naive, and makes me think the guy isn't too smart. But I have to admit that despite all the hook-ups, one-night stands, quickies, backroom and park activities, believe it or not, in some way, I still have this notion in the back of my head that I have to dig you in some way beyond this moment, the possibility, no matter how vague, that there could be something more; and that "more" can be as simple as the pleasant memory of an enjoyable few minutes with another human being. And if you are picking your sexmates based on HIV status, then there is in fact no possibilty of anything beyond this moment for us. I would have no respect for you, and I could not care much for someone like that - god forbid something were to develop, and god forbid that HIV status changes; then what? You're gone? I'm gone? That's it? I find this to be a character flaw I could never overlook, this attempt at securing some sort of safe (and selfish) future, where you don't have to worry - this illusion. What about all the other possibilities of harm, hurt, sickness, sadness; what do you do to prevent all that? I realize I am going way off here, possibly not making any sense, but hell, I think I've experienced enough in my 40 some years to know that no matter how fleeting a relationship is, I want it to have some dignity, some respect for the other person, and that person to at least pretend the same back. "I don't want to chat, know you, experience you because in this one area your luck was different than mine?" Maybe it is my age, my experience, here in NYC for nearly 20 years, that I couldn't imagine not having had the friendships, sexual and otherwise, with the many men I've known. And thier HIV status, and my knowledge or lack of knowledge about it, didn't tell me anything about who that person was. And yes, insisting on knowing HIV status, and deciding whether or not to "chat up" someone based on that, does tell me something about you, that you don't see me as a person first, and I therefore couldn't get interested in you.

So, where did this all come from? Late night, alone in cyberspace, looking through AOL profiles and reading this:
"please be simple, honest and most importantly, HIV NEG"

Can you imagine, valuing a Negative HIV test result over honesty?